DS does not want to give class valentines

[Anonymous]

My DS (9) does not want to give his fourth grade class valentines. He has distributed class valentines every year and enjoys it. When we ask him why he says “I just don’t want to” and “I don’t care”. His best friend is doing valentines cards and the rest of his class too, I’m assuming. Is this a pre-teen thing? Should I press it?

[Anonymous]

Don't press it. He's on the verge of too old. One of mine was into it in Fourth, the other wasn't.

[Anonymous]

No! Let him off the hook. It's such a chore to do them, and for what? Forced socializing, candy exchange and bits of paper. I forced my kid into this stupid thing for years and then realized it was a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

My sons both stopped around 4th or 5th grade and I didn’t press it.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that someone’s picking on him and he doesn’t want to give them a Valentine.

The other possibility that comes to mind (that I think would be less likely) is that he has a crush that he’s self conscious about and feels weird giving them a Valentine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that someone’s picking on him and he doesn’t want to give them a Valentine.

The other possibility that comes to mind (that I think would be less likely) is that he has a crush that he’s self conscious about and feels weird giving them a Valentine.

Or he realizes it’s pointless and just doesn’t care about getting a bunch of junk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sons both stopped around 4th or 5th grade and I didn’t press it.

Thank you! He is our eldest so I don’t really have a clue about when boys “age out” of these things.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit that I did my kid's valentines for him in 5th grade when he refused to do it. I just felt so bad that he was getting toys and stickers from the other kids but wasn't giving any out. He was never into it even in the early grades and it was always a struggle to get him to address and sign the little cards. He did enjoy getting cards and trinkets from the other kids. I was thrilled when all that ended after 5th grade. There is zero obligation to do that stuff in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Its pretty silly. At my kids school, you could not even personalize them to say something to specific person. Just put your name on it and give it out. Kids just look for the ones with candy.

[Anonymous]

Is this a class event, a party? If it is, he participates. It's not optional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its pretty silly. At my kids school, you could not even personalize them to say something to specific person. Just put your name on it and give it out. Kids just look for the ones with candy.

That's so lame. I would not enroll my kids in a school so uptight. My son's favorite valentine from last year was one that said "Roses are red, violets are blue, your feet are super stinky and your farts are too!"

[Anonymous]

No, don’t press it. Are they not allowed candy? Once our school stopped candy, I feel like the valentines lost their appeal.

[Anonymous]

In my experience (my own 10yo and his friends), they start outgrowing it by upper elementary.

[Anonymous]

I supposed I wouldn't force it, but it is kind of sad to see kids growing out of kid things at younger ages.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old is still into them, but he seems to be a little bit of a later bloomer, emotionally (for example, he still wants me to walk him to and from the bus stop, even though the other 4th, 5th, 6th graders go alone).

I think your kid is fine, OP.

But if you feel really compelled to do it, we don’t personalize. Just print cards on those tear-apart Avery cards that go in name badges, and stick on a Dove heart. We do Dove hearts because those are the leftovers I want. Nothing poetic on the card; just “Happy Valentine’s Day! From Larlo”.