Drinking with newborn
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Anonymous
| My DH is an amazing dad and husband. Smart, attractive, successful, and caring. We just had a baby a month ago, and he does everything for us. But he drinks on average 1-2 bottles of wine per night. I’m not drinking, so it seems unnecessary to me that he drinks so much especially alone. There have been a few instances of him overdoing it, slipping/falling, passing out on the couch, blacking out, forgetting to pick me up, etc. Luckily no significant instances since baby has arrived. When he’s drinking and I ask him to cut back, he says I should leave him alone, but the next day, he agrees it is not healthy or good. But even after many different promises, he can’t seem to consistently cut down or stop once he’s started no matter how much we’ve discussed in the past. I try to not nag but I get frustrated because I know it’s bad for him and not a good example for our child long term. I don’t know what I should do to help him or better handle/cope with this situation. |
Anonymous
|
Your husband sounds like he could be an alcoholic, considering that it is now affecting his marriage and the fact that he admits that he should drink less.
You might want to encourage him to seek help for his condition…especially now that you both have a brand-new baby in the home. Him passing out as well as forgetting to pick you up are very troublesome signs. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| I will not ask why you married a man who is an alcoholic, nor why you got pregnant and had a baby with an alcoholic. I will suggest you not have any more children with him. I will also suggest you never leave him alone with the baby. The one to two bottles of wine are only what you're seeing - they are not all he is drinking. |
Anonymous
| Amazing husbands don't drink so much that they fall, pass out, black out, or forget their wives. Alcoholics do. |
Anonymous
|
Al Anon, there are online meetings, or r/alanon
His drinking is not your responsibility, OP. And it may never change. Are you planning to go back to work? It would be best if you work at least part time in case his career is impacted or in case you need to leave. I'd be careful re: him and the baby if he slips and falls down. He's NOT an amazing dad and husband, OP. He is refusing to get professional treatment for an alcohol use disorder. |
Anonymous
This. And if you leave the baby with him and it comes to any harm, you could also be charged with failure to protect. Plan to be able to support yourself OP. Do you have family in town who can help and be a support system? There is absolutely nothing you can do, he is likely an alcoholic. Don't have any more kids with this man. I'm sorry that what should be such a special time is pretty awful. Do not ride in the car or let him drive the baby since you say he is regularly so impaired he falls down or passes out. Do you drive? |
Anonymous
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OP, this is not about drinking "with a newborn."
This is about the fact your DH is an alcoholic and you do not SEE that with crystal clarity. One bottle of wine every day is far, far into serious alcohol abuse. The kind he won't just "snap out of." He needs to admit he is an alcoholic and commit to intensive help. If you think posters here telling you this are "being dramatic" or "don't really know him" -- you are in denial. The sheer amount he consumes so regularly is nt normal and will eat his body like it will eat your marriage and family. Please immediately set up a babysitter (NOT your DH, he must never be left alone with your baby) and get to Al-Anon yourself, in person if you can, or virtually if you can't, but DH can't be around. Al-Anon is for family of alcoholics. If you think he isn't alcoholic, go anyway and ASK them there. They will tell you. If you resist Al-Anon, then ask to speak to your family doctor and describe the amount you described to us. Ask the doctor how to begin getting help. Your DH is an alcoholic, no matter who comes on this thread to tell you otherwise, and his disease WILL consume all of you. And again: Never, ever, leave him with your baby even if you think he seems sober at that moment. And OP, please re-read your own post. You say he has had incidents of "slipping/falling, passing out on the couch, blacking out." Any ONE of those with a baby in his solo care could end with your baby injured or dead. This is a crisis and you need to get a sense of urgency about it. Reach out tonight to Al-Anon online, and to your doctor ASAP. |
Anonymous
| If he drinks 5 nights a week that’s 5 bottles of wine per week and 20 per month. That’s a lot! |
Anonymous
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Drinking 1-2 bottles of wine a night is most certainly the behavior of an alcoholic. And he is passing out on couch, blacking out, falling down?? I agree with pp, he should not be left alone with your baby.
Even drinking 1-2 drinks nightly can be concerning. Please go to Al Anon and/or get therapy for yourself. Sending you love and care. |
Anonymous
Is he willing to stay sober so you can trust him alone with the baby? |
Anonymous
| I doubt he drinks a bottle of wine a night. Wine gives you the worst hangover and headache . How can he still function at work with these daily hangovers? |
Anonymous
| Probably dealing with a stressful job. I have been there. Not a good place to be. |
Anonymous
Alcoholics develop a tolerance over time. Clearly you’re not familiar with the disease. |
Anonymous
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OP, that’s alcohol use disorder.
My DH is now proudly sober. His “rock bottom” day that led to sobriety began with drinking a beer in the car while driving our then-toddler. Like you, I’d have said this was unthinkable for him - a wonderful dad. I had no idea how addicted he was. If he hadn’t got sober and stayed sober, I’d have of course been gone. Please wake up to his issue before anything horrible happens. |
Anonymous
My Dad drank a bottle of wine a night. Plus 1-2 Martinis, plus beer at lunch and still went to his office job every day |