How long can you room share?
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Anonymous
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Realistically before the child "needs" their own bedroom?
We both grew up in the city so we aren't foreign to city living and small spaces but also want to be fair to our new child. We have one bedroom and we want to room share until at least 1 year but can go until 2-3? Until they ask for their own room? I imagine not much past 4? Our living room has space to play but we can't convert it into a second bedroom or carve out sleeping space. But will have lots of toys. We also have a play area in our building and two parks across the st and a big grassy field. Our bedroom can comfortably fit a mini crib that converts to toddler bed and a rocker and little shelf, wall shelving and some floor space to play We know eventually we will need to move but we would love to maximize this space for as long as possible especially as I plan to take substantial time off until she's in school full-time. Any thoughts appreciated. Except I don't really want to hear how I should be putting my 3 month old down the hall in her own imaginary room and she needs independence or something. I don't have the luxury of anything else right now but I want to think even if we had a big house we would still room share for safety and closeness. I grew up in an Indian household and we lived in an apt and I shared with my siblings but cousins who were back home and in large houses had sleeping rooms whee everyone slept and then play rooms.. |
Anonymous
| I don’t think it’s really a good idea after 3 months. |
Anonymous
| They never need their own bedroom. I raised my daughter in a tiny studio. We bed-shared until she was 11. Then I got a loft bed for us. |
Anonymous
| For you DC, they won’t need a separate space for awhile, but couples appreciate having a private space when they make noise after the child’s bedtime |
Anonymous
| I'm a solo parent by choice and room share with my 3yo. The bedroom is pretty big and easily fits their toddler bed and my queen and other pieces of furniture. This has worked well, but I am starting to feel the squeeze of wanting more space. Mostly I want my kid to have a dedicated space for their own toys and I want an adult space to unwind and relax. I think we can push it one more year, but that's about it. That being said, I think a lot of the world lives in small spaces and people grow up and adapt just fine. For me personally, I just want a little more breathing room. |
Anonymous
Thanks for sharing. It's reassuring to know you guys made it this far. Totally see that. We don't know how exactly how it will work but imagine unwinding whenever we can again I'm the living room and literally only using the bedroom for sleep and I know it will be a sacrifice. Fod you guys use a room divider or crib tent? |
Anonymous
Totally. We will definitely be hanging in the living room and as long as they are in the mini crib we have one with wheels so if desperate can wheel her out for a little bit and then bring her back in. Also planning to get a slumber pod |
Anonymous
That's so sweet and encouraging. I'm sure you're both very close |
Anonymous
They really should be putting themselves to sleep and sleeping 12 hours by then too huh? Western parenting is fascinating |
Anonymous
We never used anything like that. It took some work to get my toddler into their own bed. There were/and still are times they want to be in my bed and it's difficult because of course I'm right there..... but that is less and less as they have gotten older. |
Anonymous
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I’m a single parent with a 4yo and 2yo in a 1-bedroom. The kids share the bedroom and I sleep in the living room. In my experience the kids don’t want their own rooms ever (I assume they will want them by late elementary though); they would be happy if we all shared a bed I think. My 4yo especially hates sleeping alone and the brief period where she had her own room and they baby was in with me she came and crawled into my bed most nights which now only happens when she’s sick.
Now, *you* will want your privacy back sooner. I feel like before 2 kids are so dependent privacy doesn’t feel necessary but around 1.5/2 they start being independent and having opinions and I start wanting to respect their privacy even if they don’t understand the concept yet. That being said, I’m moving this summer and plan to buy a three bedroom house that will last us through the teen years if necessary; I know I valued my privacy as a teen and really appreciated my own room. But for little kids? You’re fine in a small place. |
Anonymous
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My 8 year old still sleeps with us many nights and it works well for us (our older kids did not do this, fwiw). She goes to bed and generally sleeps deeply enough that it's not a big deal for us to get into bed later and read or even watch TV. The big challenges with extended co-sleeping are a) ensuring that the kid is able to get to sleep on their own so you can put them down and then continue your evening; and b) ensuring that there are times when the kid is NOT in the bedroom so you can have s@x.
As others have said, I suspect you will want your own space long before your kid does. I very much doubt that room sharing until 3-4 is going to pose a problem. |
Anonymous
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OP, my second child had to roomshare with us until I was confident she would sleep through the night and I could move her in with her brother. I tried sleep training her while she still roomshared with us twice, and both times failed miserably. At 13 months we bit the bullet and sleep trained her directly into her new room (we moved her brother out for a few nights).
Sleep training worked immediately and she has slept like a dream ever since. So, in my experience our daughter would not sleep through the night until we had her out of our room. |
Anonymous
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Mine slept so quietly (when she finally figured out how to sleep) that we kept her next to our bed for 14 months. And she had a great big room all for herself. It was basically just a closet and eventually a place for her to sleep for years.
Don’t stress about how you’re allocating space. We have friends who did a 1 bedroom with 2 kids until the youngest turned 1. Technically I have my own bedroom, but somehow it also includes my DD’s gymnastics equipment and an American Girl doll laundry room. Most people live closer to what I’m describing than what you see on Instagram, they just don’t admit it because people react strongly to kids in parents’ rooms or everyone not having their own bedroom. |
Anonymous
| I never had my own room until my sister left for college. |