Bat mitzvah gift etiquette

[Anonymous]

My child got invited to a bat mitvah- there is no party just a service and thr luncheon right after at the temple. Should he give a gift or not? If so, when would he give the gift?

[Anonymous]

Yes, he can bring the gift with him and there will most likely be a card box/table at the luncheon for gifts.

[Anonymous]

Of course. I would give 54 or 108. My kid has been giving 108 but there has been a party.

[Anonymous]

I think the tradition is cash gifts in multiples of $18. As the pp mentioned there will likely be a gift table. I'd do $36 or $54.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the tradition is cash gifts in multiples of $18. As the pp mentioned there will likely be a gift table. I'd do $36 or $54.

i would do more to at least cover the cost of the luncheon. DD often would also give a star of David necklace to girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the tradition is cash gifts in multiples of $18. As the pp mentioned there will likely be a gift table. I'd do $36 or $54.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Of course you give a gift! What kind of question is that? It should be given at the end of the luncheon.

[Anonymous]

Throw $20 in a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the tradition is cash gifts in multiples of $18. As the pp mentioned there will likely be a gift table. I'd do $36 or $54.

This - whatever multiple of 18 you are comfortable with, depending how close the friendship is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

Stop. Any gift is appreciated. Multiples of 18 are traditional.

- parent of recent bar mitzvah kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

It’s a freaking birthday party, $20 is plenty. If they’re rich they can throw in a $50 but most people aren’t rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

Do you seriously think that giving someone $20 as a gift is “undermining”? Is this a celebration or a gift grab? I get that $18 is traditional, but $20 is more so I always do $20, $50 for family. If you can give more great but acting as if $20 is insulting is frankly disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the tradition is cash gifts in multiples of $18. As the pp mentioned there will likely be a gift table. I'd do $36 or $54.

i would do more to at least cover the cost of the luncheon. DD often would also give a star of David necklace to girls

First, a gift is never expected to cover someone's meal--that's ridiculous. Many of our wedding guests did not give us a gift that covered the cost of their attendance, nor did we expect them to. A gift is just that--a gift. That said, even if you did feel inclined to cover the cost--this is a luncheon at the temple. $36 probably does cover it.

OP, I would always give a gift at any mitzvah. Party or not. But the luncheon here IS the party. Not the DJ-hosted dance party many are, but a luncheon is still a party of sorts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the tradition is cash gifts in multiples of $18. As the pp mentioned there will likely be a gift table. I'd do $36 or $54.

i would do more to at least cover the cost of the luncheon. DD often would also give a star of David necklace to girls

Since when did Bar Mitzvah parties become quid pro quo?