How much notice to give when quitting a volunteer role?

[Anonymous]

Be nice. I don’t know how I got myself into this, either.

I’m one of 3 co-leaders for a Girl Scout troop associated with a private school. The other leaders focus on older girls in the troop and I stepped up years ago during the pandemic to help the younger girls.

The activities I agreed to help lead for younger girls are badge work for outdoor experiences. Other parents have said for years that they’ll take over cookies and get background checked and lead other meetings, but they never do.

The parents of most girls in our troop are really protective so very few girls have participated in camping trips or outdoor skills training. A handful of girls are very into selling cookies, which takes a ton of time and work. Inevitably, the girls with the highest sales and who create the most work for us in terms of cookie warehouse visits and organization and financial management are the girls with the most hands-off parents. Year after year I find myself waiting for the cookie delivery semi-truck at 7 am on a holiday Saturday because other parents are in the Caribbean or skiing or whatever.

Anyway, I’m finding myself in the position of providing most of my volunteer time to make life good for the least-engaged families in the troop. I want to stop after this spring. I’ve hinted at it and have been guilted and told that if I stop, the troop will die (it’s been active for over a decade) and all of our funds will be lost (the girls refuse to plan trips or spend the money).

Should I say now that I will be done in May so new people can step up if it matters to them? Am I a bad person for walking away? I’ll be part of this private school community as a parent for another 7 years, so I have to play somewhat nice and am really worried about being blamed as the one who killed the troop. Really, it’s widespread parent indifference that will kill it, but no one will see it that way.

[Anonymous]

You’ve done your time. No, you are not a bad person. Yes, give them notice now that you will be unavailable (& make sure to phrase it that this is nonnegotiable). It is not your fault if other families don’t step up.
The only thing to consider is how this affects your DC - are you ok if the troop ceases to exist after this? Does your DC have other activities she enjoys, or is this it & she’ll be heartbroken if it falls apart due to lack of parental leadership?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve done your time. No, you are not a bad person. Yes, give them notice now that you will be unavailable (& make sure to phrase it that this is nonnegotiable). It is not your fault if other families don’t step up.
The only thing to consider is how this affects your DC - are you ok if the troop ceases to exist after this? Does your DC have other activities she enjoys, or is this it & she’ll be heartbroken if it falls apart due to lack of parental leadership?

I actually asked DD about it. She has a lot of other activities but enjoys how casual Girl Scouts is. She’s enjoyed the camping trips and said she would be sad to not do them, and that summer camp or family camping wouldn’t be the same. She likes activities with other troops and might enjoy being unaffiliated with a troop and just going to larger events? I would be happy to keep my outdoor certification and background check and lead only the camping trips and have zero other involvement. Leaders did that in the past before we were active in the troop.

I think what’s happening is that no one wants to be responsible for the business side of the troop nor has the patience for the child-facing part (I get it- I’ve spent a lot of time with their girls!). A healthy troop would have different leaders taking on each area, but we seem mired in a game of chicken. It’s possible that if I truly stepped away someone would step up.

[Anonymous]

You are modeling good boundaries. That’s good Girl Scouting, not bad.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Thanks for your volunteer work! Girl scouts can be such a wonderful experience. I loved my days in scouts.
Is there a way to quiet quit this or maybe just draw a hard line with what you will do? Send out an email saying for example "Next year my capacity will allow me to 1. lead these three outdoor events 2. lead the second meeting of the month where we will work on badge requirements in my field of interest and 3. maintain first aid/CPR certification for when we need an adult with those qualifications present. I unable to manage cookie sales or the first meeting of the month going forward." And then if no one steps up don't back down. Troops don't have to have cookie sales and don't have to meet every week or whatever. You can say that brownies are only meeting on x dates due to a lack of volunteers. Tell them there won't be cookie sales without a cookie parent from the troop. It may be a disappointment for the girls but having no troop would be worse. I don't know that the parents take you seriously since you keep doing the things you say you don't want to.
I can't believe they don't want to plan trips! My troop went to Disneyworld and on a cruise.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you can only continue till the end of the school year and is someone willing to step up or you'll just shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. Thanks for your volunteer work! Girl scouts can be such a wonderful experience. I loved my days in scouts.
Is there a way to quiet quit this or maybe just draw a hard line with what you will do? Send out an email saying for example "Next year my capacity will allow me to 1. lead these three outdoor events 2. lead the second meeting of the month where we will work on badge requirements in my field of interest and 3. maintain first aid/CPR certification for when we need an adult with those qualifications present. I unable to manage cookie sales or the first meeting of the month going forward." And then if no one steps up don't back down. Troops don't have to have cookie sales and don't have to meet every week or whatever. You can say that brownies are only meeting on x dates due to a lack of volunteers. Tell them there won't be cookie sales without a cookie parent from the troop. It may be a disappointment for the girls but having no troop would be worse. I don't know that the parents take you seriously since you keep doing the things you say you don't want to.
I can't believe they don't want to plan trips! My troop went to Disneyworld and on a cruise.

Thanks, you get it! I actually tried most of what you said this year! I literally stated at the outset of the school year that this would not be my priority this year due to other commitments and that without additional volunteers I would only be able to do x number of meetings around y topics. Of course no one replied but after the first meeting there were tons of emails suggesting topics “we” should cover this year or asking why “we” weren’t having a meeting in November. The parents who claim to be too busy to help seem to manage to show up a half hour before pickup at meetings- long enough to second guess and sow chaos, but not long enough to contribute in a meaningful (+ background-checked) way. The retiring cookie mom and I have told other parents for the last 18 months that we will not have cookies next year if no one trains this year, but they must think she’s bluffing.

The money thing is weird. The older girls have thousands of dollars they’ve earners and the younger girls are on track to be in a similar situation. No one can agree on how to spend it so it sits. I’ve thrown out all sorts of national park trips, official Girl Scout trips, weekend adventures, etc., but the girls have no spark when it comes to planning.

I think they’re really privileged and used to parents imagining life for them- it’s actually one of the reasons I stuck around this year. Once in a while I see them learn something new or stretch beyond what their parents typically allow and it feels so good to help facilitate that.

[Anonymous]

Tell them now that you are not going to volunteer in the same capacity next year. Next year, say the three activities that you will do and only do those. Politely say no when they mention or ask you to do 18 other things. Don’t sign up for the things you don’t want to do. When parents try and pressure you into doing cookies say “No, I have done them the last three years, I am enjoying Aruba this year” or sleeping in on a Saturday morning and not picking up cookies.

If your daughter likes the outdoor activities and wants to do more outdoor activities, like camp, look for a different Girl Scout Troop that does those things or join a Girls Troop for Scouts BSA. I know that camping and all the outdoor activities are there in Girl Scouts but very few Troops do them. They take extra training and bodies and Girl Scout Troops are small. The pool of volunteers is small so it is harder to do some activities. One of the benefits to a Girls Troop in Scouts BSA is that the Troop is likely to be larger so there are more volunteers. This makes camping and outdoor activities easier to put together. The monthly camping trips are a part of the program and the Scouts and Adult volunteers know that when they sign up so they happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are modeling good boundaries. That’s good Girl Scouting, not bad.

+1. Give notice now and just say that you regret you will not be able to continue after (date). And then stick to that date. It is on the others if no one steps up. You did your duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. Thanks for your volunteer work! Girl scouts can be such a wonderful experience. I loved my days in scouts.
Is there a way to quiet quit this or maybe just draw a hard line with what you will do? Send out an email saying for example "Next year my capacity will allow me to 1. lead these three outdoor events 2. lead the second meeting of the month where we will work on badge requirements in my field of interest and 3. maintain first aid/CPR certification for when we need an adult with those qualifications present. I unable to manage cookie sales or the first meeting of the month going forward." And then if no one steps up don't back down. Troops don't have to have cookie sales and don't have to meet every week or whatever. You can say that brownies are only meeting on x dates due to a lack of volunteers. Tell them there won't be cookie sales without a cookie parent from the troop. It may be a disappointment for the girls but having no troop would be worse. I don't know that the parents take you seriously since you keep doing the things you say you don't want to.
I can't believe they don't want to plan trips! My troop went to Disneyworld and on a cruise.

All of this. If you can, suggest things parents need to do, like someone does cookie sales, someone does first meeting of the month, whatever. Sometimes people are overwhelmed by the idea of taking on the whole thing but can manage one piece. But be careful that this doesn't suck you into coordinating everything and filling in when people bail. Maybe a troop coordinator would be a role one person could manage (scheduling, making sure the parents have the info they need to do the activities, etc.). Parents who show up early to second guess you but not help sound super annoying. Maybe suggest specific roles to them. Susan, you had wonderful ideas last year about X activity. How about you lead that this year? Last idea: tell parents that every parent needs to lead X activities, or cookie sales for their child to participate next year.

[Anonymous]

The trip thing is weird. I would get together with the other mom and put together a list of maybe 5 options, then email them around to all the parents and cull the list down to 2. If the parents don’t respond, too bad, they don’t get a vote. Once you have an either/or choice, present it to the whole troop and then a decision gets made!

[Anonymous]

It’s completely fine to resign at the end of the year. I was a GS leader for a very long time. I was always frustrated with the lack of help. Each year I had 2 very involved parents who saved my sanity but it was pulling teeth to get help from other parents beyond a carpool driver or assigning a task rather than asking. I stayed with it for years because I liked the program and the girls. But by middle school I was burned out. I gave my notice in early spring that I was stepping down and we needed someone to replace me. In my case, I was solo leader (not allowed anymore). I told the parents the troop could continue if someone stepped up to replace me or merge if not. Sadly the person who said she’d replace me didn’t follow through so they merged. Then the leader of the troop they merged with decided to disband. So most of the girls just quit. As sad as it was, I had to remind myself that it wasn’t my responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are modeling good boundaries. That’s good Girl Scouting, not bad.

+1.
Nearly ever parent in our troop has a volunteer role and if they don't, the leaders ask them for help with specific things. GS does not work well with handsoff parents.

I am not the cookie parent but I've done that Saturday morning cookie pickup sometimes so she can be out of town. That's how a functional troop works.

Also, the girls are supposed to spend down their funds. Your money manager should have required that. Sounds like multiple people aren't engaged here, sorry to say.

[Anonymous]

I’d first inform the other leaders and then immediately after send an email to everyone that after (specific date) you will only plan camping trips. Tell everyone that questions regarding this change should be directed to the other leaders. Let the other leaders determine who should should be trained next and send them to you directly. For 1 month after the chosen date I’d reply to emails politely with I’m no longer associated with that aspect, please contact x or y for more information and forward the email accordingly. Then completely stop responding to any questions about anything outside of camping trips and just forward emails to the next in line without comment. They’ll figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The trip thing is weird. I would get together with the other mom and put together a list of maybe 5 options, then email them around to all the parents and cull the list down to 2. If the parents don’t respond, too bad, they don’t get a vote. Once you have an either/or choice, present it to the whole troop and then a decision gets made!

+1 And then quiet quit.