Overbearing friend

[Anonymous]

I'm newly pregnant after a long IVF journey and just honestly so sick. I'm so happy but I've never felt so sick in my life. I'm taking a beat from work, I'm back and forth between my bed and the toilet. It's coming out of both sides I'm just a mess right now.

I have a friend who is just being so much right now. This week alone she's called every day. Some days multiple times. She's texted. I keep texting back her I don't feel like talking right now. I'm sorry I'll call you when I can. And she just isn't listening or taking the hint. I also feel annoyed because I know this conversation will just be about her in the end and I don't have the capacity to deal with that right now. When we told her the transfer worked she immediately said OMG I'm making an appointment to get my IUD out so we can do this together. I was dumbfounded. And now every conversation leads back to her. My husband has severe MFI and she is projecting that her husband will also have the same thing even though it's a 1% condition. And they just got married so our friend group is already dealing with her just centering herself recently and she's having a hard time with things not revolving around her post wedding.

Anyway. She called this am as I was vomiting and I just can't bring myself to explain it anymore. I also hate hate hate the texts of how are you. I'm the same as freaking yesterday. I'm sick. Leave me alone

I know I'm probably not being a good friend right now but I can't I don't have it in me right now.

[Anonymous]

"thanks for checking in, I may be unable to respond for the next few weeks"

[Anonymous]

Block her till you feel better.

[Anonymous]

“Thanks for checking in, I’m getting pretty nauseous looking at screens so trying to avoid them until I feel better…may be slower to respond than usual for a few weeks, sorry ahead of time!”

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. I'll send one more direct text using the above.

I'm just feeling extra bad about this whole interaction. And maybe guilty? Not guilty but something. This friend planned a night out for another close friends birthday. It was supposed to be burgers and low key. Then I get the cal save and it's at this trendy new spot that only serves 9 burgers a night from the bar for $100+ a pop. Definitely not a burger I can order well done. And because I'll never be that person who makes the group switch restaurants I just declined ( tbh I probably wouldn't have made it no matter where it was that night) but I got such a guilt trip from her that she hasn't seen me in over a month and I should rally. I just responded with I'll make it up to the bday girl have fun.

[Anonymous]

OP - communicate
Tell her the interval you'd like.

[Anonymous]

"If you cannot accept this boundary, it will damage our friendship to the point of no contact. Please stop calling and texting. I'm focusing on my job and health and putting my social life on hold for the time being. I will reach out to you when able "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If you cannot accept this boundary, it will damage our friendship to the point of no contact. Please stop calling and texting. I'm focusing on my job and health and putting my social life on hold for the time being. I will reach out to you when able "

i

Of a friend wrote that to me I’d assume they’d become a robot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If you cannot accept this boundary, it will damage our friendship to the point of no contact. Please stop calling and texting. I'm focusing on my job and health and putting my social life on hold for the time being. I will reach out to you when able "

i

Of a friend wrote that to me I’d assume they’d become a robot.

Ha! I’d just never speak to the robot again.

[Anonymous]

Presumably the friend had always been like this. When you feel better, explore why she’s suddenly so annoying.

For now, tell her you’re sick and will be out of pocket. Then block her till you’re ready to deal w/ hey.

Were you in a codependent friendship, but now that you’re pregnant you feel too good for her? She sounds needy, yes, but also hurt.

[Anonymous]

Sorry I know I have been spending more bonding time with the toilet than anyone else right now. Suggesting I rally and the continued pressure to communicate more than I feel up too is adding stress on top of my current condition. I hope to feel up to more regular communication soon.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you're taking a phone break as the constant texts and calls are wearing you out and you're desperate for some peace and quiet. It doesn't put blame on her.

I had the same situation when sick, tired and pregnant with an overbearing friend. I ended up cutting her off and later felt bad because I could have tried to salvage the situation but hormones and an exhausted body made me desperate to find some peace.

[Anonymous]

I mean, she sounds like a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry I know I have been spending more bonding time with the toilet than anyone else right now. Suggesting I rally and the continued pressure to communicate more than I feel up too is adding stress on top of my current condition. I hope to feel up to more regular communication soon.

This. It sounds like your friend has always been this way, and you're the one who changed, OP. You can't blame your friend for that. And you have to respect where you're at, too. So clearly communicate that your needs have changed, and ask for what you need from your friend (because that's how it works in a healthy relationship). But don't take it out on your friend just because you're a barfy betch these days; you changed, not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If you cannot accept this boundary, it will damage our friendship to the point of no contact. Please stop calling and texting. I'm focusing on my job and health and putting my social life on hold for the time being. I will reach out to you when able "

No. Boundaries are about what you do, and put the responsibility on you, not others. "If you don't..." is a threat/ultimatum, not a boundary. "I will only be answering my texts/calls every other Friday" is a boundary.