This is a long post, but I need help. And this board is often educated and helpful.

[Anonymous]

Hi DCUM. I am laying bare some pretty personal stuff. I hope I can get some answers. I am scared and even typing it out can help.
I'm a 45 year old slightly overweight but otherwise healthy woman with a longtime history of severe anxiety and panic, was once hospitalized for panic disorder. I take Lexapro, Klonopin, and am in twice-weekly therapy. A lot of my trauma involves health due to childhood which I wont' go into here.

In 2022, I had a really rare kind of UTI that took months to treat. Ruined my sex life, set off a yeast infection, and gave me severe pelvic floor dysfunctionality that resulted in my feeling frequency for months afterward. It resulted in an ultrasound of my pelvic (normal) and two months ago a CT scan of my pelvis (normal).

In 2023, I began break-through bleeding on ovulation (I posted a couple of times in that perimenopause chain). The blood is either rosy pink or very deep brown. It did worry me but I tried with therapy to manage the OCD fear (checking the toilet, google) and beared in mind that it always happened at the same day each month.

Today I am having a meltdown DCUM. I don't know what to do. I feel I don't want to live - not this way. I won't hurt myself. But I feel crazy and just at the end of my rope. I am on my midcycle but I am on day #4 of scanty bleeding. Yesterday, I called my OBGYN and they want me to come in for another ultrasound which is terrifying me (they will find tumor) and I began crying to nurse (she was very kind and told me this bleeding is normal in middle age though I find nothing online about it beyond the fact that it is abnormal, all the perimenopause stuff is about erratic period and hot flashes).

|OK so on day 4 today I am finding scanty rosy blood still. I have checked my vagina 30 times a day. I took twice the Klonopin (called psychiatrist) just to calm down but I am still in an OCD spiral over WHY I am finding rosy blood up there, all I can find online says cancer.

Dr. appointment isn't for two weeks, do I just melt until then, what is going on with me? I have two teens and a not being there for them and husband is trying to help and just says I'm mid age but mid age does not mean four days of strange blood, in my mind? Oh did I mention, I have a major trial coming up in a week (lawyer) and how am I going to focus when I am doing this. I almost want FMLA.

Help I don't know what to do, why am I spotting odd colors for more than ONE day (they say one day is normal online). I am so sorry to post here but honestly I don't even know what to do. I have therapy and session with psychiatrist both on Monday but I am on maximum SSRi and took maximum Klonopin for the day.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP! I am going through the same thing! It is HIGHLY unlikely this is cancer. HIGHLY unlikely.

But they are still probably going to make you do:

-pelvic abdominal and transvaginal ultrasond
-possibly an endometrial biopsy
-and possibly a hysteroscopy if either the biopsy or ultrasound find anything.

Your ultrasound should be done ideally in the several days after your period is over. SO you might want to go ahead and schedule that if you have an order.

Oh and YES they say it is abnormal, but it's actually not for many women in peri. Our hormones are going bonkers and that can screw up bleeding.

Also, anxiety can cause bleeding issues.

Go for a walk. Take a hot bath. You may have to go through annoying tests but chances or it's not cancer.

It could be a polyp or fibroid or hormones, etc.

[Anonymous]

Weird mid-cycle bleeding does indeed happen in our mid-40s. You should indeed keep that medical appointment in 2 weeks, but that is soon enough that there is no further action you need to take until then. And if there's no further action to take until then, there are no extra points for fretting.

Also, I can share that I have had many episodes of unscheduled bleeding during especially anxious times. These episodes have happened in response to truly miserable life experiences, like when I had existential worries. But there is definitely a possibility for emotions to disrupt cycles.

[Anonymous]

When you say "mid-cycle" is it truly mid-cycle? Are your cycles still around 28 days? In other words, could you be having very short cycles? Either way, OP, this strange stuff goes on and on all through peri and even after menopause, so you should prepare yourself. I assume you have tried CBT and other methods for engaging tools, rather than just drugs, to deal with this. Klonopin is a horrible long-term strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you say "mid-cycle" is it truly mid-cycle? Are your cycles still around 28 days? In other words, could you be having very short cycles? Either way, OP, this strange stuff goes on and on all through peri and even after menopause, so you should prepare yourself. I assume you have tried CBT and other methods for engaging tools, rather than just drugs, to deal with this. Klonopin is a horrible long-term strategy.

OP here, yes CBT and EMDR as well. It is truly mid cycle

[Anonymous]

I don’t have advice on the bleeding, but please get on vaginal estrogen to prevent UTIs. It is the best thing you can do when getting UTIs while in perimenopause!

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I'm so sorry OP. I'm also a middle-aged lawyer with high levels of anxiety that is now manifesting as health anxiety at times.

Bear in mind, bodies are weird. Keep reminding yourself how incredibly unlikely it is that your bleeding is due to cancer and how very likely it is that you are simply one of the unlucky women who has bleeding during ovulation, and you are extra unlucky to have it last a little longer than it does for most.

Will it ease your anxiety to get into the doctor earlier? If so, try to do it. But that probably isn't going to help long term given your high level of health anxiety (if you are anything like me, you will find a new thing to worry about). That needs to be addressed with the psychiatrist. I'm not a doctor, and you have one to advise you so listen to them, but I will add here, out of hard experience -- careful with the klonopin.

Don't worry about your trial -- you will be able to focus once you are in that courtroom! I believe in you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCUM. I am laying bare some pretty personal stuff. I hope I can get some answers. I am scared and even typing it out can help.
I'm a 45 year old slightly overweight but otherwise healthy woman with a longtime history of severe anxiety and panic, was once hospitalized for panic disorder. I take Lexapro, Klonopin, and am in twice-weekly therapy. A lot of my trauma involves health due to childhood which I wont' go into here.

In 2022, I had a really rare kind of UTI that took months to treat. Ruined my sex life, set off a yeast infection, and gave me severe pelvic floor dysfunctionality that resulted in my feeling frequency for months afterward. It resulted in an ultrasound of my pelvic (normal) and two months ago a CT scan of my pelvis (normal).

In 2023, I began break-through bleeding on ovulation (I posted a couple of times in that perimenopause chain). The blood is either rosy pink or very deep brown. It did worry me but I tried with therapy to manage the OCD fear (checking the toilet, google) and beared in mind that it always happened at the same day each month.

Today I am having a meltdown DCUM. I don't know what to do. I feel I don't want to live - not this way. I won't hurt myself. But I feel crazy and just at the end of my rope. I am on my midcycle but I am on day #4 of scanty bleeding. Yesterday, I called my OBGYN and they want me to come in for another ultrasound which is terrifying me (they will find tumor) and I began crying to nurse (she was very kind and told me this bleeding is normal in middle age though I find nothing online about it beyond the fact that it is abnormal, all the perimenopause stuff is about erratic period and hot flashes).

|OK so on day 4 today I am finding scanty rosy blood still. I have checked my vagina 30 times a day. I took twice the Klonopin (called psychiatrist) just to calm down but I am still in an OCD spiral over WHY I am finding rosy blood up there, all I can find online says cancer.

Dr. appointment isn't for two weeks, do I just melt until then, what is going on with me? I have two teens and a not being there for them and husband is trying to help and just says I'm mid age but mid age does not mean four days of strange blood, in my mind? Oh did I mention, I have a major trial coming up in a week (lawyer) and how am I going to focus when I am doing this. I almost want FMLA.

Help I don't know what to do, why am I spotting odd colors for more than ONE day (they say one day is normal online). I am so sorry to post here but honestly I don't even know what to do. I have therapy and session with psychiatrist both on Monday but I am on maximum SSRi and took maximum Klonopin for the day.

OP, I have OCD so I am sympathetic. But i think you know very well, that you aren’t controlling your anxiety AT ALL by repeatedly posting and looking for reassurance. You need to try a different SSRI since you have been exhibiting this behavior for so long. Or an additional medication. It is also NOT true that the only reason for break thru bleeding is cancer. The first thing that came up on google for perimenopause (which make NO mistake at 45, you are in) and break thru bleeding talks about hormones causing spotting. https://www.healthline.com/health/menopause/perimenopause-periods#Understanding-perimenopause

I’m sorry you feel this way and maybe you do need FLMA to get your medications right. Perhaps, it is time to see a new psychiatrist? I remember your many posts about your urinary urgency, ect. Your OCD has not been treated properly for way too long…

[Anonymous]

I bled, full on bled red blood, for 23 days when I hit perimenopause. A few days of spotting is normal, though I understand it doesn't feel that way because of your health anxiety.

You are having a mental health crisis, not a medical crisis. I'm glad you are meeting with your mental health team on monday. How long have you been on the Klonopin? My DH was on Xanax for a time and the possibility of physical dependency was not considered seriously enough. He ended up having withdrawal symptoms regularly which exacerbated his medical anxiety. Once he figured that out he started the very slow process of getting off it. His psychiatrist downplayed the withdrawal, but the truth is no one researches it. There is no benefit for pharmaceutical companies to know how hard it is to get off their stuff.

It will get better, it will just take time.

[Anonymous]

OP, your situation sounds like me except it has been going on for MANY years. 10? I’m around your age.

Don’t worry. I don’t have cancer. You are way too early to worry about whether you will need a procedure. My OB will only do a uterine ablation and I want the darn thing out completely so I am waiting until she’ll finally do a hysterectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your situation sounds like me except it has been going on for MANY years. 10? I’m around your age.

Don’t worry. I don’t have cancer. You are way too early to worry about whether you will need a procedure. My OB will only do a uterine ablation and I want the darn thing out completely so I am waiting until she’ll finally do a hysterectomy.

Me again…I should also say that I bleed, often the dark brown, often red…more days than not all over my schedule. Still don’t have cancer!

[Anonymous]

Just want to also chime in that I too am 45 and have had a ton of period dysfunction over the past 2 years. I’ve had every test twice to try to figure out what could be wrong (in my case constant spotting, long and heavy periods, becoming anemic). I don’t tell you think to add more worry, but just to be another voice that says this can all be normal, yet annoying, in our 40s. My OB said for every 100 patients she sees with these issues, maybe one has something more significant going on.

The spotting is likely due to perimenopause hormone fluctuations and there could be some simple fixes to help - in my case I got an IUD and things have been fine since.

I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Umm FYI I wouldn't burn through FMLA in a diagnostic stage - if you truly need it you will regret wasting it

[Anonymous]

NP here. Going through something similar with testing involved and now in the midst of the waiting game.

Do you feel like your OBGYN is on the ball and helpful? If not, take your records and get a second opinion for peace of mind. If you think you’ve been with your docs, psychiatrist included, for a long time and they’ve taken you as far as you can go, maybe move on to new ones. Unlike previous generations, we have access to more information; the family doctor down the street no longer must be the final word. I think, like with any other relationship, we can get into ruts with our providers.

Also, it’s horrible to think about worst case scenarios, but find ways to feel empowered. Sometimes I feel like I’ve the situation when you. learned the hard way about taking charge of my medical needs myself— that includes taking a deep breath, letting go of (some) of the panic, and seeking the best resources. As parents we seek the best for our kids but sometimes fail to do the same for ourselves. I also think the state of the medical system in this country can leave many of us feeling helpless.

So, deep breath. One day at a time. Perimenopause sucks, and doctors don’t even seem to have good answers other than, “that’s just how it is. Take a pill.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Going through something similar with testing involved and now in the midst of the waiting game.

Do you feel like your OBGYN is on the ball and helpful? If not, take your records and get a second opinion for peace of mind. If you think you’ve been with your docs, psychiatrist included, for a long time and they’ve taken you as far as you can go, maybe move on to new ones. Unlike previous generations, we have access to more information; the family doctor down the street no longer must be the final word. I think, like with any other relationship, we can get into ruts with our providers.

Also, it’s horrible to think about worst case scenarios, but find ways to feel empowered. Sometimes I feel like I’ve the situation when you. learned the hard way about taking charge of my medical needs myself— that includes taking a deep breath, letting go of (some) of the panic, and seeking the best resources. As parents we seek the best for our kids but sometimes fail to do the same for ourselves. I also think the state of the medical system in this country can leave many of us feeling helpless.

So, deep breath. One day at a time. Perimenopause sucks, and doctors don’t even seem to have good answers other than, “that’s just how it is. Take a pill.”

*sometimes I feel like I’ve learned the hard way about taking charge of my medical needs, I meant. Especially when docs insist I’m too young for xyz.