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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi DCUM. I am laying bare some pretty personal stuff. I hope I can get some answers. I am scared and even typing it out can help.
I'm a 45 year old slightly overweight but otherwise healthy woman with a longtime history of severe anxiety and panic, was once hospitalized for panic disorder. I take Lexapro, Klonopin, and am in twice-weekly therapy. A lot of my trauma involves health due to childhood which I wont' go into here.

In 2022, I had a really rare kind of UTI that took months to treat. Ruined my sex life, set off a yeast infection, and gave me severe pelvic floor dysfunctionality that resulted in my feeling frequency for months afterward. It resulted in an ultrasound of my pelvic (normal) and two months ago a CT scan of my pelvis (normal).

In 2023, I began break-through bleeding on ovulation (I posted a couple of times in that perimenopause chain). The blood is either rosy pink or very deep brown. It did worry me but I tried with therapy to manage the OCD fear (checking the toilet, google) and beared in mind that it always happened at the same day each month.

Today I am having a meltdown DCUM. I don't know what to do. I feel I don't want to live - not this way. I won't hurt myself. But I feel crazy and just at the end of my rope. I am on my midcycle but I am on day #4 of scanty bleeding. Yesterday, I called my OBGYN and they want me to come in for another ultrasound which is terrifying me (they will find tumor) and I began crying to nurse (she was very kind and told me this bleeding is normal in middle age though I find nothing online about it beyond the fact that it is abnormal, all the perimenopause stuff is about erratic period and hot flashes).

|OK so on day 4 today I am finding scanty rosy blood still. I have checked my vagina 30 times a day. I took twice the Klonopin (called psychiatrist) just to calm down but I am still in an OCD spiral over WHY I am finding rosy blood up there, all I can find online says cancer.

Dr. appointment isn't for two weeks, do I just melt until then, what is going on with me? I have two teens and a not being there for them and husband is trying to help and just says I'm mid age but mid age does not mean four days of strange blood, in my mind?  Oh did I mention, I have a major trial coming up in a week (lawyer) and how am I going to focus when I am doing this. I almost want FMLA.

Help I don't know what to do, why am I spotting odd colors for more than ONE day (they say one day is normal online). I am so sorry to post here but honestly I don't even know what to do. I have therapy and session with psychiatrist both on Monday but I am on maximum SSRi and took maximum Klonopin for the day.[/quote]

OP, I have OCD so I am sympathetic. But i think you know very well, that you aren’t controlling your anxiety AT ALL by repeatedly posting and looking for reassurance. You need to try a different SSRI since you have been exhibiting this behavior for so long. Or an additional medication. It is also NOT true that the only reason for break thru bleeding is cancer. The first thing that came up on google for perimenopause (which make NO mistake at 45, you are in) and break thru bleeding talks about hormones causing spotting. https://www.healthline.com/health/menopause/perimenopause-periods#Understanding-perimenopause

I’m sorry you feel this way and maybe you do need FLMA to get your medications right. Perhaps, it is time to see a new psychiatrist? I remember your many posts about your urinary urgency, ect. Your OCD has not been treated properly for way too long…

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