can you force swim lessons?

[Anonymous]

DS4 loves the water - he will swim (with floaties and an adult very close) all day, jumping in / going under etc. He is adamant though that he doesn't ever want to swim without floaties and that he will not participate in a swim lesson (even with his older brother). If I try to get him to learn with me, he will just sit on the side and refuse to get back in saying he'd rather not swim than swim without his floaties. he is a very very stubborn kid when he wants to dig in

I want him to learn to swim for water safety. I've seen kids scared of the water forced in and am not sure of the usefulness of that, but he's not scared of the water he just does not want to do a swim class or learn to actually swim. He does hate symbols of growing up (had to be forced off bottles, out of crib, off pacis, out of diapers etc). Anyone been in this situation or have any tips.

[Anonymous]

How did you force him off the paci? Use the same tricks - sending them to a baby, letting them get ruined, etc.

Just take away the floaties forever. It will be an intense two summers while you keep an eye on him but it will be worth it.

[Anonymous]

Honestly no. Does he care at all about impressing peers? That is what gets a lot of kids that age trying to swim.

[Anonymous]

I feel like it's six of one. You either spend the next couple of years forcing him to learn and he's not very independent during that time anyway, or you just ride it out for a couple of years and have him learn when he's older and he will probably pick it up quickly.

Whichever you choose probably will depend on how often you are around water. If it's in the summer when you take him to the pool, personally I would wait. Just supervise him well. If you spend time at places that have unsupervised water (e.g., a home with a pool or lake), I might force him to start to learn now.

Either way, I would bite the bullet and pay for individual lessons. The learning is so much faster so it may even be cheaper in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly no. Does he care at all about impressing peers? That is what gets a lot of kids that age trying to swim.

+1 My son was very resistant and then we spent a week at family camp where he had to stay in the "baby" area instead of being in the lake swimming area with the bigger kids. He was much more cooperative with swim lessons after that. Also, if you are doing group lessons, switch to private.

[Anonymous]

They will learn faster without floaties. We have never used them with our kids. I would suggest getting rid of your floaties and not going swimming again until he’ll go without.

[Anonymous]

This is why floaties are terrible. THey make kids overconfident on the one hand and scared on the other.

I would find a way to gently force it, yes. Lessons are a must for my kids til they can swim several laps without stopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like it's six of one. You either spend the next couple of years forcing him to learn and he's not very independent during that time anyway, or you just ride it out for a couple of years and have him learn when he's older and he will probably pick it up quickly.

Whichever you choose probably will depend on how often you are around water. If it's in the summer when you take him to the pool, personally I would wait. Just supervise him well. If you spend time at places that have unsupervised water (e.g., a home with a pool or lake), I might force him to start to learn now.

Either way, I would bite the bullet and pay for individual lessons. The learning is so much faster so it may even be cheaper in the end.

+1. I would wait for another year or two UNLESS you have a pool or other regular access to water. A 5 or 6 year old is much more rational and physically capable than a 4 year old, and you may spend the next year or two fighting to get him to cooperate anyways. If you have a pool it's an immediate safety issue and he needs individual lessons and whatever currency (bribes, etc.) work for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS4 loves the water - he will swim (with floaties and an adult very close) all day, jumping in / going under etc. He is adamant though that he doesn't ever want to swim without floaties and that he will not participate in a swim lesson (even with his older brother). If I try to get him to learn with me, he will just sit on the side and refuse to get back in saying he'd rather not swim than swim without his floaties. he is a very very stubborn kid when he wants to dig in

I want him to learn to swim for water safety. I've seen kids scared of the water forced in and am not sure of the usefulness of that, but he's not scared of the water he just does not want to do a swim class or learn to actually swim. He does hate symbols of growing up (had to be forced off bottles, out of crib, off pacis, out of diapers etc). Anyone been in this situation or have any tips.

It sounds like you know what motivates your child since you have successfully forced them along to new stages. What worked for my middle child was seeing her older sibling swimming and getting more comfortable separating from us but she started at swim lessons at 2 so she hadn't built up years of resisting swimming (although she did cry through an entire 30 minute weekly swim class over a four month period when she was 1 so that was tough). Is this about being embarrassed or scared? Has he said anything to you about either of those things.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of the floaties now. He's six. He is old enough to behave well for swim lessons.

Otherwise he doesn't go to the pool or beach and that is on you.

How is this even an option?
You failed OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will learn faster without floaties. We have never used them with our kids. I would suggest getting rid of your floaties and not going swimming again until he’ll go without.

+1. We don't do floaties either and I once had a lifeguard yell at me for not giving my 2 year old floaties. Floaties are not good for so many reasons (just google it), so ditch them. I also agree about swim lessons until your child can swim multiple laps of a few strokes. It's first and foremost achieving competency in swimming so you can save your own life (or possibly help someone else if they need help!) and then after that it's about the fact that as you age swimming is everywhere and it is nice socially to not have any hangups or issues when it comes to the physical act of swimming and as a bonus it's a great way to stay fit. My grandmother swam into her 80s. I don't expect any of my children to be Michael Phelps - I don't care if they swim competitively, but they need to be competent.

[Anonymous]

Use his love of water play as an incentive to practice swimming. Go to an open swim, and tell him that if he goes in and practices swimming without the floaties for two minutes, he can have the floaties for the rest of the time. Then gradually lengthen the time before he can have the floaties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Get rid of the floaties now. He's six. He is old enough to behave well for swim lessons.

Otherwise he doesn't go to the pool or beach and that is on you.

How is this even an option?
You failed OP.

you failed both at being a kind person and at reading

[Anonymous]

Floaties were helpful bc i had 3 very close in age kids I took swimming myself. I could hold the baby while the 2 and 3yo got out all their energy jumping off the wall and swimming back to it a million times all winter long. I know they have their downside (obviously. that's what i'm trying to figure out now) but also they served a purpose for us. I wouldn't have been able to take them at all without floaties.

For other "baby" things, they just disappeared (crib, diapers etc). Floaties could too of course but that will really ruin the ability to swim for the other two as well if 4yo refuses to get in and acts out because he's frustrated.

I like the idea above though of getting him used to it in little increments. He hates lessons in general (of all types) but perhaps if I get more comfortable without the floaties, I could then bribe his productive participation in a lesson

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They will learn faster without floaties. We have never used them with our kids. I would suggest getting rid of your floaties and not going swimming again until he’ll go without.

+1. We don't do floaties either and I once had a lifeguard yell at me for not giving my 2 year old floaties. Floaties are not good for so many reasons (just google it), so ditch them. I also agree about swim lessons until your child can swim multiple laps of a few strokes. It's first and foremost achieving competency in swimming so you can save your own life (or possibly help someone else if they need help!) and then after that it's about the fact that as you age swimming is everywhere and it is nice socially to not have any hangups or issues when it comes to the physical act of swimming and as a bonus it's a great way to stay fit. My grandmother swam into her 80s. I don't expect any of my children to be Michael Phelps - I don't care if they swim competitively, but they need to be competent.

I'm appalled a lifeguard yelled at you for no floaties! My husband is a former lifeguard and he is super opposed to them. He also has a memory of using them as a kid, tipping over, and nearly drowning. The swim school we used in MA (before we moved here) would also tell parents not to use them as they are a drowning risk. I'm sure they're safe enough is the parent is *right there*, but if the parent is that on it, I don't think they're serving a purpose.

We pushed swimming and our kids both started actively swimming at 3.5.