Childcare for older kids during labor/delivery?

[Anonymous]

DC1 was 12 days early, and arrived about 5 hours after I went into labor (my water broke before contractions started, so I know exact times). DC2 was only 3 days early, but arrived 2 hours after I woke up in the morning. I didn't immediately recognize I was in labor (if I was initially), so by the time we got to the hospital, it was less than half an hour before DC2 was born.

For DC2, my parents came to stay with us starting 2-3 weeks before my due date, but they can't do that this time due to health issues. I don't think it would be good for anyone for my in-laws to be here for that long, and they have an event in another city about a week before my due date they can't miss, although they could potentially come for a shorter period of time.

One of my best friends who doesn't have kids yet will fly in and stay with us for the weekend before my due date, and I'm hoping I'll be able to schedule an induction, but I'm worried about not making it to 39 weeks. What do people without grandparents available to help do? I have a long list of friends I can call, but need someone to be able to watch my other kids pretty immediately to make sure I have time to get to the hospital given how fast my labors have been.

Has anyone paid a nanny or night nurse to stay at their house before birth??

[Anonymous]

Yes, you can pay someone to stay. Neighbors might also be a good resource. Or do your kids have friends you could send them to for a few days? Can your parents come after their event and until your friend arrives? Worst case scenario, bring your kids with you to the hospital, but I would try to avoid that.

[Anonymous]

How long do you need the childcare for? We just needed someone overnight who could then do daycare drop off that morning and my parents flew in next day. That’s less of an ask than a few days of full time care. Do either of your companies offer back up care where kids could be dropped at a center? I assume once birth happens your partner can help arrange whatever is needed.

I would have a list of “middle of the night” people (close by neighbors and friends that you have checked with in advance) and worse case your DH goes home after birth to get kids in some kind of child care arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Currently expecting my third any day now and this is what we have:
-3 sets of neighbors on call who can come at a moments notice (one of which has offered to drive kids to daycare/has keys to our car with car seats and on daycare pickup/drop off list)
-In-laws and parents a flight away but both ready to come if we call

Worst case scenario, DH will stay with kids and I’ll go to hospital but I don’t think it will come to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long do you need the childcare for? We just needed someone overnight who could then do daycare drop off that morning and my parents flew in next day. That’s less of an ask than a few days of full time care. Do either of your companies offer back up care where kids could be dropped at a center? I assume once birth happens your partner can help arrange whatever is needed.

I would have a list of “middle of the night” people (close by neighbors and friends that you have checked with in advance) and worse case your DH goes home after birth to get kids in some kind of child care arrangement.

OP - I'm not sure how long we need the childcare for - we have childcare handled for post-baby. For each of my first, I had uncomplicated deliveries and went home the next day, and I'd be fine if DH leaves once the baby is born to go be with DCs. We just need childcare for labor and delivery, and the uncertainty of when that will happen is what's giving me anxiety. Based on my first two, it could be anywhere from 3-12 days before my due date. We should have care covered for 39 weeks on, I'm mainly debating whether to actually pay someone to stay over for week 38 (and who would that be? our usual babysitters are high school students so that doesn't work).

Did you have a scheduled induction or c-section or how did you know what night you needed care for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently expecting my third any day now and this is what we have:
-3 sets of neighbors on call who can come at a moments notice (one of which has offered to drive kids to daycare/has keys to our car with car seats and on daycare pickup/drop off list)
-In-laws and parents a flight away but both ready to come if we call

Worst case scenario, DH will stay with kids and I’ll go to hospital but I don’t think it will come to that.

Thanks, this is helpful. Because my first two came so quickly, the flight away isn't helpful since I'm just really trying to avoid the situation of either taking my kids to the hospital or having to go alone while DH stays with the kids. My sister is actually a 30 min drive so she can come relieve whoever we have, but since DC2 was born within 2 hours, I don't want to wait for her to get to my house before heading to the hospital.

I have a few neighbors on call within a 5-10 min drive so I guess that's really the answer, but I think it's really just the speed of my prior labors that gives me anxiety. I really don't want to deliver a baby on the side of the road!!

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends has zero family support. We has a sign up sheet to cover hours for when she may need us to take the older DC! I have a flexible schedule and kids in school so I signed up for 24 hr blocks. Another friend could commit to being on call some nights. And other friends could commit to different hours. My friend was the one on call when she went into labor. There were complications so the kids ended up following the rotation for 2 days (I think it was a total of 3 people who took care of them). The older DC is the only one who remembers it and would talk about how much fun he had. We were a well oiled machine.

[Anonymous]

A couple of our neighbors offered to come over at a moment's notice and we had a few other friends who didn't live as close who would come as needed. So the plan with #2 if I'd gone into labor in the middle of the night would have been 1) call the next door neighbor 2) call a closer friend who would come over in the a.m. to relieve the neighbor. Then 3) my mom would hop on a flight.

During the day, I probably would have skipped the neighbor call and gone to the list of friends. Fortunately, baby arrived after my mom arrived (she'd planned her trip for a few days before my due date).

[Anonymous]

We had 3 neighbors on notice to be the immediate “come sit on my couch until the real babysitter gets here” person.

Turns out my parents came for dinner and I asked them to stay the night just in case. I woke with contractions at 12am. Got to the hospital at 1:15am. Baby in my arms before 2am. We got back to the room and got settled. Husband went home at 6am, made coffee, showered, left a note for my parents, took our toddler to daycare, and came back and took a nap. He came back to the hospital around 12pm to bring me lunch. My parents picked up the toddler up after his nap and brought him to the hospital. We all hung out and had dinner. My husband took the toddler home and slept at home with him. He came back after daycare drop off the next day and I was discharged at 2pm in time to pick my son up at daycare.

[Anonymous]

Agree this is where you rely on friends and close-by neighbors. I was the backup for an acquaintance in the neighborhood as a mutual friend lived a bit further away and had a single night where she was unavailable. Guess when mom went into labor?

I went over at 2am and slept on the couch until their toddler woke up. I forget who, but someone came and relieved me mid-morning after I'd gotten the toddler up, dressed and fed.

We still aren't super close friends but I love running into them and seeing their DC #2.

[Anonymous]

We hired a sibling doula.

[Anonymous]

We had a 39 week induction scheduled with my parents planning to come the day before. They live a 5ish hour drive away.

But, in case we didn't make it to the induction date, we had a kind of layered backup plan. If labor came, first call was to my parents. They were literally keeping an overnight bag in the car at all times and would immediately get on the road.

If it was daytime, second call was to a childless couple that we're very close with who live about 30 mins away. They had a lot of flexibility and could hold down the fort until my parents arrive (so, max 5 hours).

If it was the middle of the night, we had our next door neighbors sleeping with their phones on starting at like 36 weeks so that if we needed to go-go-go, one of them could come and sleep on our couch with our son asleep upstairs. They have a kid of their own though and not a ton of flexibility, but being right next door, they were good for a night emergency.

So patching stuff together worked well for us. Though we ended up making it to induction.

[Anonymous]

Neighbors. They’re helpful as your kids get older too. It’s very worth it to have a good relationship with people who live near by.

[Anonymous]

Your best bet is to hire whoever cares for your older kids during the day (or babysitter if you’re a SAHM). I paid our nanny some serious $$$ to stay at our house the 4 days I was in the hospital for a c-section. A childless friend and two neighbors offered to be back up if our nanny was sick or something. I’m sure others would have agreed to be back up if I asked. The funny thing is the friend isn’t even someone I’m thar close to, and I’m not that close to those neighbors either. Some people are just really kind and helpful!

You can hire a sibling doula. I only found one, and it was like $800 for only 12 hours of care until someone else could arrive. So that’s probably not enough time with your family being out of town. But here’s their website: https://www.family-ways.com/sibling-doulas

[Anonymous]

I know you want your husband to be there and don't want to deliver en route, but given your history, I'd also get comfortable with the idea that things might not go the way you hope.

Your biggest challenge is that you need someone who can be there the minute you know you're in labor. Given that, I'd suggest that your plan A is to pack everyone in the car at the first sign of labor and head to the hospital. That's the fastest way to get you to L&D. Whoever the on-call child care is meets your husband there and takes the kids home, he stays with you until baby arrives and then heads home shortly after.