Pew survey of 18-34 year-olds and parents of 18-34 year-olds

[Anonymous]

Interesting study about the relationship between young adults and parents of young adults (financial assistance, young adults turning to parents for advice, how often they talk, text, etc.).

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/01/25/parents-young-adult-children-and-the-transition-to-adulthood/

"As parents watch their young adult children navigate the transition to adulthood, they’re feeling more proud and hopeful than disappointed or worried.

And they’re highly invested in how life turns out for their kids. Most parents of young adults (71%) say their children’s successes and failures reflect on the job they’ve done as parents. This is especially true of upper-income parents."

[Anonymous]

Thank you for posting

[Anonymous]

I have a 22 year old post-grad (full time employed) living at home.

My husband and I were pretty shocked when kid asked if they could move back home. For different reasons we didn't have (or even want) that option post college, so it has been a challenge to understand. Regardless, we have noticed that our kid is generally less mature than we were at the same age. Kid has acknowledged the need to work on personal habits, and generally, the arrangement is working.

I think kid would definitely move out if rents weren't so high, but seems to enjoy the comforts of living at our home (home cooked meals, use of car, etc).

As a parent of many kids, it has made me re-think the expectations of grown and flown. How long into our late 50s will we be subsidizing our kids? We also have fiscal burdens from our elderly parents. It feels like the hands-on parenting job has gotten extended by several years in today's world (post-Covid, high rent, etc.). It also feels like we need to re-think our projected costs for the next decade.

I do agree with the study that we are "more connected" with our post grad kid than we were with our parents. But I also think that a big part of growing up is being truly on your own.

One last point - neither my husband or I would have even considered moving back in with our parents - I would have rather lived with multiple roommates in a studio - so maybe this says that we have stronger relationships with our kids? That would be a nice outcome as it's very important to us to maintain strong relationships with our adult kids (since those with our own parents have been strained).

[Anonymous]

Our parenting style compared to our parents is a double edged sword.

We provided more opportunities, were more invested in their education and upbringing, which may have made us closer to our adult kids in some ways, but it made them less independent and mature.

My spouse and I couldn't wait to move out of our parents' house, but our parents weren't as involved in our lives as older teens. We both managed the entire college process on our own. We felt independent at 18. I was also a latchkey kid, so I was already used to taking care of myself (though I don't think I did a great job of it in hindsight).

It's very different today, I realize. But, our experiences made us much more independent.

While my DS now in college wants to go off on their own after college, I told them that if they wanted to stay with us for a year to save money, that would be fine with us. I would actually like that as my spouse and I will be traveling a lot and rarely home, so it would be good to have someone in the house while we are gone.

[Anonymous]

Our parents provided free living at home until we were able to afford it on their own. We payed their living expenses. No one did random odd jobs to contribute as students but it didn't spoil anyone, everyone got employed after undergrad or grad/professional schooling. It did spoil parental retirement funds but it was worth the sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

It’s nice to see a relatively positive report about parent child relationships for once.
I agree with the findings/see myself and my DC relationship in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s nice to see a relatively positive report about parent child relationships for once.
I agree with the findings/see myself and my DC relationship in them.

As a parent with an adult child who moved back in, it has been a journey to accept that this is largely the "new normal" - especially if you live in a high priced area like DC and also if your child is not in finance. It is not a sign of failure on the part of the parent or child - which was the case in the 90s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 22 year old post-grad (full time employed) living at home.

My husband and I were pretty shocked when kid asked if they could move back home. For different reasons we didn't have (or even want) that option post college, so it has been a challenge to understand. Regardless, we have noticed that our kid is generally less mature than we were at the same age. Kid has acknowledged the need to work on personal habits, and generally, the arrangement is working.

I think kid would definitely move out if rents weren't so high, but seems to enjoy the comforts of living at our home (home cooked meals, use of car, etc).

As a parent of many kids, it has made me re-think the expectations of grown and flown. How long into our late 50s will we be subsidizing our kids? We also have fiscal burdens from our elderly parents. It feels like the hands-on parenting job has gotten extended by several years in today's world (post-Covid, high rent, etc.). It also feels like we need to re-think our projected costs for the next decade.

I do agree with the study that we are "more connected" with our post grad kid than we were with our parents. But I also think that a big part of growing up is being truly on your own.

One last point - neither my husband or I would have even considered moving back in with our parents - I would have rather lived with multiple roommates in a studio - so maybe this says that we have stronger relationships with our kids? That would be a nice outcome as it's very important to us to maintain strong relationships with our adult kids (since those with our own parents have been strained).

As a parent, this has to be a difficult situation. It's best to push them out of the nest.

Personally, I don't buy this "rents are too high" stuff. I think a lot of this is expectations management. When I first moved to DC in 1995, rent was high for me, too. You know how I managed it? I lived in a group house. That also gave me a built-in social group in my early 20s.

I think some of these kids are accustomed to a certain lifestyle and think they should be living it immediately after college. I don't think it's ever been the case that recent college graduates can immediately afford an UMC middle class lifestyle with an apartment/home, car, etc. right off the bat. They GET there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 22 year old post-grad (full time employed) living at home.

My husband and I were pretty shocked when kid asked if they could move back home. For different reasons we didn't have (or even want) that option post college, so it has been a challenge to understand. Regardless, we have noticed that our kid is generally less mature than we were at the same age. Kid has acknowledged the need to work on personal habits, and generally, the arrangement is working.

I think kid would definitely move out if rents weren't so high, but seems to enjoy the comforts of living at our home (home cooked meals, use of car, etc).

As a parent of many kids, it has made me re-think the expectations of grown and flown. How long into our late 50s will we be subsidizing our kids? We also have fiscal burdens from our elderly parents. It feels like the hands-on parenting job has gotten extended by several years in today's world (post-Covid, high rent, etc.). It also feels like we need to re-think our projected costs for the next decade.

I do agree with the study that we are "more connected" with our post grad kid than we were with our parents. But I also think that a big part of growing up is being truly on your own.

One last point - neither my husband or I would have even considered moving back in with our parents - I would have rather lived with multiple roommates in a studio - so maybe this says that we have stronger relationships with our kids? That would be a nice outcome as it's very important to us to maintain strong relationships with our adult kids (since those with our own parents have been strained).

As a parent, this has to be a difficult situation. It's best to push them out of the nest.

Personally, I don't buy this "rents are too high" stuff. I think a lot of this is expectations management. When I first moved to DC in 1995, rent was high for me, too. You know how I managed it? I lived in a group house. That also gave me a built-in social group in my early 20s.

I think some of these kids are accustomed to a certain lifestyle and think they should be living it immediately after college. I don't think it's ever been the case that recent college graduates can immediately afford an UMC middle class lifestyle with an apartment/home, car, etc. right off the bat. They GET there.

Can you share your personal experience about pushing your kid out of the nest? I've done some independent research and the going rate for a bedroom in DC in a not completely sketchy area is about $1400/month, which is far higher than the $800/month that I experienced in manhatten in the mid 90s. My kid makes a salary of $40k - pretty tough to swing $1400/month rent on that salary. Kid lived in a dump at college so that's not the issue here.

[Anonymous]

Can you share your personal experience about pushing your kid out of the nest? I've done some independent research and the going rate for a bedroom in DC in a not completely sketchy area is about $1400/month, which is far higher than the $800/month that I experienced in manhatten in the mid 90s. My kid makes a salary of $40k - pretty tough to swing $1400/month rent on that salary. Kid lived in a dump at college so that's not the issue here.

Not PP, but I live in western Fairfax County. One bedroom Apts are over 2K. 2 bedroom 2 bath Apts are 3K. Renting a room in a townhouse is around $700. It's pretty common for kids to come back for college and live at home for a year and then move into a townhouse with friends.

[Anonymous]

the going rate for a bedroom in DC

They can't afford to live in DC. Maybe not many places in the DMV area. Or they think they can with roommates and expect their salary will increase before too long. "I will need to make X, to live in Y area." I might be able to/not likely to. Or I don't want to change my academic/career path. I'd rather live in a lower cost area of the country. They live where they can provide for themselves. Relying on their parents is not a strategy longterm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

the going rate for a bedroom in DC

They can't afford to live in DC. Maybe not many places in the DMV area. Or they think they can with roommates and expect their salary will increase before too long. "I will need to make X, to live in Y area." I might be able to/not likely to. Or I don't want to change my academic/career path. I'd rather live in a lower cost area of the country. They live where they can provide for themselves. Relying on their parents is not a strategy longterm.

Living with parents should not be the new normal. These kids are focusing their job searches on HCOL cities because (a) they’ve been told that career advancement is more important than family or QOL, and (b) they want to have fun. They should look at cheap, midwestern cities and build their lives there, independent of their parents. Taking a job offer in a HCOL area that can’t pay the rent is a losing proposition.

[Anonymous]

I bounced in and out of my parents house after college bc I had a useless liberal arts degree and rents were outrageous. All my money was going to paying off my school loans and car (18% car loans anyone). My mom was fine, my dad was......disappointed. This was back in the 80's.

I was perfectly fine offering my kids the opportunity to move back and save money. Neither wanted to - both had good STEM jobs and we'd given them cars and neither had student debt. All of of this was a direct result of what I'd gone through (spouse experienced some of this so was on board.) And agree rents are crazy - both living with roommates, but I think that's the norm for socializing.

We are offering to let them come back and save for house down payments.

[Anonymous]

There is no one size fits all solution here. What truly matters is parents and adult children having good relations and parents help them settle in life as much as their resources and other responsibilities allow.

[Anonymous]

Many are hopeful the boomers will die off to provide more opportunities for everyone