DD changed post breakup - do I say anything?

[Anonymous]

Last fall DD and her boyfriend broke up. We saw her two months later and I thought she'd gained weight but wasn't positive because it was Thanksgiving and she was wearing thicker and baggier clothing. When she came home for Christmas break it was clear she'd gained 15-20lbs and her skin has broken out horribly. I asked if she was still using the silk pillowcases and washing them regularly, she said yes. We stocked the fridge and pantry with healthy options and DH and I work out each day and always invited her along - sometimes she said yes, sometimes no, but couldn't keep up. I am concerned. Do I say something directly? We have never commented on weight - just eating healthy and moving a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m surprised you’re so concerned about her weight. How about her mental health? That would be my first concern. Maybe she has been depressed and not able to exercise or not eating well. Self care i difficult when you’re getting over a breakup.

[Anonymous]

OMG. Nothing worse than gaining weight and having stress breakouts after getting dumped than having your MOM pointing it out!

Do you honestly think she doesn’t know? What would you be accomplishing besides voicing your displeasure???

Zip your lips and sew them shut.

[Anonymous]

really? you must be a troll. what are you expecting to "say"? "Gee honey I know you were heartbroken to break up with you BF but man you have really let yourself go!".

This is adulting. If she doesn't like the way she looks, she will change. For now, your job in managing her health, fitness and weight is done.

I say this as the parent of a college daughter who is recovering from an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

Shallow people should not be parents.

[Anonymous]

Why is this posted in this section and not adult children’s section?

[Anonymous]

She'll whip herself back into shape once a FRAT GOD turns her head at school.

[Anonymous]

Do you think she may be pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Why are you considering asking about her appearance instead of her feelings?

I've made my share of parenting mistakes, but posts like this make me look like the best parent in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think she may be pregnant?

That was my first thought too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this posted in this section and not adult children’s section?

She’s in college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last fall DD and her boyfriend broke up. We saw her two months later and I thought she'd gained weight but wasn't positive because it was Thanksgiving and she was wearing thicker and baggier clothing. When she came home for Christmas break it was clear she'd gained 15-20lbs and her skin has broken out horribly. I asked if she was still using the silk pillowcases and washing them regularly, she said yes. We stocked the fridge and pantry with healthy options and DH and I work out each day and always invited her along - sometimes she said yes, sometimes no, but couldn't keep up. I am concerned. Do I say something directly? We have never commented on weight - just eating healthy and moving a lot.

And what do you think your talk will accomplish? If you want estrangement have that talk..otherwise you say nothing because its your daughter's life and she is an adult. She needs unconditional love from her parents not jugemental ones with conditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last fall DD and her boyfriend broke up. We saw her two months later and I thought she'd gained weight but wasn't positive because it was Thanksgiving and she was wearing thicker and baggier clothing. When she came home for Christmas break it was clear she'd gained 15-20lbs and her skin has broken out horribly. I asked if she was still using the silk pillowcases and washing them regularly, she said yes. We stocked the fridge and pantry with healthy options and DH and I work out each day and always invited her along - sometimes she said yes, sometimes no, but couldn't keep up. I am concerned. Do I say something directly? We have never commented on weight - just eating healthy and moving a lot.

Hi OP, sorry about about the mean replies. I know you are concerned about her and since her physical appearance is tangible, that's where you are focusing on. Of course, you care about her as well. But saying something directly will be hurtful and achieve not much. Encourage her to do activities and do more 'social' things. When my DD went through a breakup, I would casually mention cool clubs that she might be interested in. Sending you lots of good wishes. I am a mom of a young girl adult as well and we feel their sadness directly.

[Anonymous]

Maybe say you know breakups are difficult, you love her and ask how she’s doing?

[Anonymous]

Pregnant?