I told my teen I hate her, I meant it.

[Anonymous]

Another heated argument, she said it first. We do hate each other. I know 16 is a challenging age but DD is unmanageable, rude, self righteous. I’m in remission from cancer and can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to get sick again. Husband always takes her side, i’m just going to back off snd hope she
Moves out in 2 years.

Yet, i feel awful.

[Anonymous]

What are you going to do to change your relationship with her?

[Anonymous]

Read I'm not mad, I just hate you by Michelle silver

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry. That sounds awful and so stressful. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

[Anonymous]

So cancer is your corner? I feel for you, but you sound (minus adult) like your DC; grow up.

[Anonymous]

Sounds. like this is a big problem with your husband. The two of you need to be a united front in your parenting, and he needs to come down hard on her when she's disrespectful to you. Work on your issues with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds. like this is a big problem with your husband. The two of you need to be a united front in your parenting, and he needs to come down hard on her when she's disrespectful to you. Work on your issues with your DH.

This 100%

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP btdt. Several rounds of it actually during those years. It’s hard to see past the chaos, but it really does get better in the next 18 months.
For now, Breathe.
I agree with pp that you and your husband need to be a united front otherwise he is enabling her. Work on that first. Give your daughter a wide berth, but keep the guardrails consistent. Pls do not give up on her. She still needs you.
Your strong, you can do this.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there OP. This must be hard for you. And possibly hard on your daughter too with your medical issues. Like PP says she needs you. They may not show it but deep down they care.

A small anecdote. This week, we had a spring concert and my DD fought with me before that and told me not to come. Dad was supposed to drop her first and come back to get me but he didn't want to take me and went by himself (he and I have our issues). I went later. DD saw me smiled and waved. After the concert I quietly left since Dad was there to get her back with sibling. When DD came home she was so upset. Dad kept telling her that I didn't want to come and that I was not there and apparently she screamed and then cried all the way back according to sibling and had gone back to look for me in the auditorium.

Just that she cared and her crying over me not be being there made all these teen dramas seem like a passing cloud.

Again, hang in there OP and be strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another heated argument, she said it first. We do hate each other. I know 16 is a challenging age but DD is unmanageable, rude, self righteous. I’m in remission from cancer and can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to get sick again. Husband always takes her side, i’m just going to back off snd hope she
Moves out in 2 years.

Yet, i feel awful.

She probably deserves it. The way kids treat their parents these days, it’s not as though you’ll be missing out on anything even if you just acquiesced to whatever the argument was about.

I hope you continue to have a successful remission <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP btdt. Several rounds of it actually during those years. It’s hard to see past the chaos, but it really does get better in the next 18 months.
For now, Breathe.
I agree with pp that you and your husband need to be a united front otherwise he is enabling her. Work on that first. Give your daughter a wide berth, but keep the guardrails consistent. Pls do not give up on her. She still needs you.
Your strong, you can do this.

Erm, are you saying it gets better once they leave?

With THAT kind of attitude I’d hope my DC either has

1. a job lined up
Or
2. A full ride scholarship

Cause with that kind of turmoil and disrespect.. aint no way they’d be getting my support or living with me after graduation. And they’d be in for a wide-awaking if they think they can get student loans to pay for the next four years without me co-cosigning and/or giving them the the info they need for the fasfa.

There’s normal teenage rebellion (which IMO should not ever be accepted as “okay”—cause the shit they say is often hurtful and shows how much they take for granted) and then there’s normal teen antics plus them just being immature buttholes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another heated argument, she said it first. We do hate each other. I know 16 is a challenging age but DD is unmanageable, rude, self righteous. I’m in remission from cancer and can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to get sick again. Husband always takes her side, i’m just going to back off snd hope she
Moves out in 2 years.

Yet, i feel awful.

Don't feel awful.

16 year olds are not generally known as the most wonderful people on Earth

Hopefully your husband can get it together and know how to manage relationships

It'll be alright. Eventually.

[Anonymous]

Teens can be hard. Marriages can be hard. But try not to say “I hate you” to your teen. Pick another phrase and practice it “you’re frustrating me right now. I’m walking away” and then give yourself space.

Teens are meant to push boundaries, adults need to be more mature.

My dad didn’t care for me half the time and it sucked. Conditional love is…traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

You don’t hate her, you hate the situation. You need yo clarify. Went through this with my DS. Time to have a conversation with her, maybe ask her what she wants the relationship to look like. Cancer is scary for her too. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're right that teens can be moody and difficult. And you've just been through your own major personal health challenge. But you're running the risk of blaming your daughter for your illness, and that's neither fair nor something you can take back from her anxious heart. She's testing the waters at becoming an adult and needs you to be strong. The best thing you can do for her is to take better care of yourself by getting some therapy (therapists are especially good with complex emotional situations). You owe yourself peace, but aim higher - you and your family are worth it!