How do you talk to your kids about drugs

[Anonymous]

My kid and his friends seem to think it’s all a big joke. And, to be fair, I probably did at 13 - 14 as well.

I’ve read that scare tactics don’t work and honesty is best. But — in actual words, what does that mean, really?

“Anything you or a friend might be tempted to take or smoke could be laced with fentanyl” is both true and scary.

My anxiety over this on top of the irritation that they joke about drugs nonstop is not a good combo! I would appreciate some advice here. What type of conversations have gone over well with your kids? Is there a guide online somewhere or educational resource that might be helpful?

[Anonymous]

I hear ya OP. The movie Gia in the 90s was enough to scare me to death to never touch that stuff!

Is there something on that same level that they can watch nowadays?

[Anonymous]

Sure you can google all kinds of information on how to approach this, but in reality is there any evidence that any method is better or worse than the other?

While there's no guarantee, I've taken the position with my kids (3 of them, the youngest is 16) of knowing who your kids' friends are, who they're hanging out with. And knowing those parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear ya OP. The movie Gia in the 90s was enough to scare me to death to never touch that stuff!

Is there something on that same level that they can watch nowadays?

For me it was Shane on Degrassi. I still think about it sometimes, one stupid decision leading to missing out on one's own life.

[Anonymous]

Both of my kids are athletes and have goals for their HS sports

So the threat of "you MIGHT DIE!" would get a laugh.

But the fact (not even a threat, just a basic cause/effect type of scenario) of "if you get caught, you will be off your team. and it won't be my decision; that is coach's policy. there will be nothing I could do to stop it" is enough to keep them on the straight and narrow

[Anonymous]

We also don't focus on the lecture and instead, soft 'talk past the sale.' By that, I mean that the conversation assumes that they won't want the vape or the beer or even worse (to be fair, my kids are 14 and 12, so more focus on that).

So we don't lecture about the dangers. Instead, we talk strategy about what to do when (not if, but when) they get offered a cig or a vape or an alcoholic drink.

And then we role play it. Which is super corny and the kids roll their eyes for sure. But earlier this year, my 8th grader came home and told me about the conversation he had in the boys bathroom about getting offered "a hit off a vape" and he said/did exactly what we had role played

We told him to keep it simple & not get on a soapbox, and to quickly change the subject.

So a "Nah, I'm good. Yo, how messed up was that history quiz? I didn't know any of the answers"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We also don't focus on the lecture and instead, soft 'talk past the sale.' By that, I mean that the conversation assumes that they won't want the vape or the beer or even worse (to be fair, my kids are 14 and 12, so more focus on that).

So we don't lecture about the dangers. Instead, we talk strategy about what to do when (not if, but when) they get offered a cig or a vape or an alcoholic drink.

And then we role play it. Which is super corny and the kids roll their eyes for sure. But earlier this year, my 8th grader came home and told me about the conversation he had in the boys bathroom about getting offered "a hit off a vape" and he said/did exactly what we had role played

We told him to keep it simple & not get on a soapbox, and to quickly change the subject.

So a "Nah, I'm good. Yo, how messed up was that history quiz? I didn't know any of the answers"

this is exactly what we do but with our 13 year old DD so the role playing is more like "no thanks, my parents would ground me for life. oh my gosh, i love your nails! where did you get them done?"
they really need guidance on what actual words to use in a practical situation they will very likely be in someday.

[Anonymous]

In addition to what’s above, I let them know about the many people who have od’ed. Anytime I see or hear of anyone, anytime we hear old music from Whitney Houston, see Heath Ledger in a movie etc etc. And it is the real talk of - the people who give you drugs won’t know if they’re laced with fentanyl. You can’t depend on the fact that they are a friend because it won’t be intentional on their part. Just many many conversations about that. Who knows if it will work. But DS does tell me about the groups of his friends who do and don’t do drugs so I guess at least he’s up front about it.

[Anonymous]

Every time there is an overdose in the news or in one of our local schools, I show them the article/coverage. We are in Arlington and there have been a handful already the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time there is an overdose in the news or in one of our local schools, I show them the article/coverage. We are in Arlington and there have been a handful already the school.

Yes! Real kids makes it feel more real to them.

[Anonymous]

If I heard kids joking about drugs I would shut that down right there and say that in real life, it’s not funny. People die, and their parents are left sobbing, their siblings fall apart, and their grandparents are so stressed they die early.

I also would start much earlier than the teen years talking about how you don’t know what’s in something and how your brain can be affected. We don’t do enough education on that.

I’d have them watch a show or two, or documentary, about kids dying from drugs. I’d have their doctor talk to them at every checkup.

If I had a teenager who I thought would be a risk taker or who hung out with friends that I didn’t know well, I’d drug test them regularly. I know a family where the teens told their parents that because they knew they would be drug tested regularly, they always said no to substances with that explanation, and it worked.

The role playing is exactly right, and teach them to stand up for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I heard kids joking about drugs I would shut that down right there and say that in real life, it’s not funny. People die, and their parents are left sobbing, their siblings fall apart, and their grandparents are so stressed they die early.

I also would start much earlier than the teen years talking about how you don’t know what’s in something and how your brain can be affected. We don’t do enough education on that.

I’d have them watch a show or two, or documentary, about kids dying from drugs. I’d have their doctor talk to them at every checkup.

If I had a teenager who I thought would be a risk taker or who hung out with friends that I didn’t know well, I’d drug test them regularly. I know a family where the teens told their parents that because they knew they would be drug tested regularly, they always said no to substances with that explanation, and it worked.

The role playing is exactly right, and teach them to stand up for themselves.

I'll be honest. I feel like this is all really bad advice.

First, the loss of trust with a parent. You want to be their partner in navigating these scenarios. Not some heavy-handed enforcement type.

Also, at that age, especially boys, they feel invincible. The concept of death is too big to be an actual deterrent. So it has to be something like "they'll kick you off the soccer team" or "it makes you smell weird and girls won't like you" or "that senior trip will be cancelled"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure you can google all kinds of information on how to approach this, but in reality is there any evidence that any method is better or worse than the other?

While there's no guarantee, I've taken the position with my kids (3 of them, the youngest is 16) of knowing who your kids' friends are, who they're hanging out with. And knowing those parents.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I heard kids joking about drugs I would shut that down right there and say that in real life, it’s not funny. People die, and their parents are left sobbing, their siblings fall apart, and their grandparents are so stressed they die early.

I also would start much earlier than the teen years talking about how you don’t know what’s in something and how your brain can be affected. We don’t do enough education on that.

I’d have them watch a show or two, or documentary, about kids dying from drugs. I’d have their doctor talk to them at every checkup.

If I had a teenager who I thought would be a risk taker or who hung out with friends that I didn’t know well, I’d drug test them regularly. I know a family where the teens told their parents that because they knew they would be drug tested regularly, they always said no to substances with that explanation, and it worked.

The role playing is exactly right, and teach them to stand up for themselves.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I heard kids joking about drugs I would shut that down right there and say that in real life, it’s not funny. People die, and their parents are left sobbing, their siblings fall apart, and their grandparents are so stressed they die early.

I also would start much earlier than the teen years talking about how you don’t know what’s in something and how your brain can be affected. We don’t do enough education on that.

I’d have them watch a show or two, or documentary, about kids dying from drugs. I’d have their doctor talk to them at every checkup.

If I had a teenager who I thought would be a risk taker or who hung out with friends that I didn’t know well, I’d drug test them regularly. I know a family where the teens told their parents that because they knew they would be drug tested regularly, they always said no to substances with that explanation, and it worked.

The role playing is exactly right, and teach them to stand up for themselves.

I'll be honest. I feel like this is all really bad advice.

First, the loss of trust with a parent. You want to be their partner in navigating these scenarios. Not some heavy-handed enforcement type.

Also, at that age, especially boys, they feel invincible. The concept of death is too big to be an actual deterrent. So it has to be something like "they'll kick you off the soccer team" or "it makes you smell weird and girls won't like you" or "that senior trip will be cancelled"

DP. Ok, middle-aged teen.