Sad About Rescheduled Funeral

[Anonymous]

My 97 year old grandfather went into hospice about 2 weeks ago and died last Friday. He'd been in relatively good health and lived in his own home until he entered hospice. He was deeply religious and said many times that he felt like he'd lived his life and welcomed going to Heaven. While our family isn't religious, it gave us great comfort that he believed so strongly and was at peace with being at the end of his life. His viewing was yesterday and his funeral was supposed to be today. My mother and her 3 siblings asked me to write and deliver a eulogy for my grandfather, like I'd done for my grandmother when she died 20 years ago.

My 82 year old FIL, who was suffering with mild to moderate Parkinson's had gotten a bad case of COVID just before New Year's Day and was admitted to the hospital. From there, he went to rehab to regain strength and balance. Against medical advice, he kept getting out of bed (he desperately wanted to still be independent, so I felt for him being relegated to having to ask for help to even walk to the bathroom) and ended up falling and hitting his head in the bathroom. Shortly after falling, he went into cardiac arrest and unexpectantly died on Sunday, two days after my grandfather. My MIL very kindly planned FIL's funeral for next Tuesday so it wouldn't interfere with my grandfather's funeral.

Fast-forward to this morning when the family decided, (wisely, I think), to postpone the funeral due to the weather. Everyone is local (within an hour), but the funeral was to be in the morning when the roads still weren't good and it was still snowing. I have 3 young adult sons (27, 23, and 20) who were close to their great-grandfather. We vacationed with him and his wife and my parents every year when my kids were younger and we all saw him often. A few months ago, at a family gathering (we host all the birthdays and holidays), my grandfather asked me to take a photo of him with my sons so they wouldn't forget him, as if that would ever happen!

My 23 year-old told me that my mother texted him that my grandfather's funeral was rescheduled to next Tuesday, the same day and at an overlapping time as my FIL's. It didn't have to be that day or time, so I just don't understand and am so sad about it, especially since my MIL was gracious enough to schedule my FIL's service so we wouldn't have to "choose" one or the other. My mother told me that my grandfather (he was her father) would want me to go to my FiL's funeral, which feels manipulative to me. I know my grandfather knew I loved him and wouldn't be mad at me for going my FIL's funeral; but we wanted to be part of the family grieving and memorial rituals and to share the eulogy I wrote for him. She doesn't understand at all why we're upset. The whole situation just sucks.

[Anonymous]

Can you leave early from one and be late to the other?

I am guessing we're different religions, but in mine, you pay a visit to the family grieving after the funeral whether or not you went - missing the funeral is not a big deal really.

[Anonymous]

I'm not reading your emo-novel, OP, but all I want to say is:

1. Funerals are difficult to plan at the best of times. People get weird about them and there are always differences of opinions.

2. Your children are adults. Great. You delegate your representatives to the one you cannot attend. Divide and conquer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading your emo-novel, OP, but all I want to say is:

1. Funerals are difficult to plan at the best of times. People get weird about them and there are always differences of opinions.

2. Your children are adults. Great. You delegate your representatives to the one you cannot attend. Divide and conquer!

All I want to say is that it's evident you didn't read the post, as is your arrogance and general nastiness. Next time, save everyone the trouble and keep on scrolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading your emo-novel, OP, but all I want to say is:

1. Funerals are difficult to plan at the best of times. People get weird about them and there are always differences of opinions.

2. Your children are adults. Great. You delegate your representatives to the one you cannot attend. Divide and conquer!

Ew, you suck as a person. NP

[Anonymous]

Does your mom know that your MIL scheduled your FIL's in order to not conflicted with your grandfather's. I would guess your mom isn't thinking clearly, and just did it when she could get in with the church.

I agree, it's sad, but hopefully you can do the eulogy at your grandfather's service, then go out a side door rather than back to the pew, and then appear at your FIL's service.

[Anonymous]

^^^
Also, I think that you can just make an appearance at your FIL's service. I know it's not ideal, but your MIL will understand that you have to get to your grandfather's to do the eulogy.

[Anonymous]

Can you go first, do the eulogy and then meet your spouse at FIL's funeral? Sorry this has happened to you.

[Anonymous]

Go to your grandfather’s funeral and deliver the eulogy. No one would fault you for being there instead of at your FIL’s service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading your emo-novel, OP, but all I want to say is:

1. Funerals are difficult to plan at the best of times. People get weird about them and there are always differences of opinions.

2. Your children are adults. Great. You delegate your representatives to the one you cannot attend. Divide and conquer!

All I want to say is that it's evident you didn't read the post, as is your arrogance and general nastiness. Next time, save everyone the trouble and keep on scrolling.

You can be sensitive all you want, but actually OP is not clear at all about her plans, and keeps saying "we". So this plan above has the benefit of being clear.

OP goes to FIL's funeral. Her grown sons attend Grandpa's funeral, and one reads her eulogy.

It's sad, certainly, but there's nothing OP can do to reschedule again. Like her mother says, it's fine. Grandpa would have understood.

[Anonymous]

Ninety seven years, such a good run, Two funerals, what crazed fun!
Reschedule and choose, why the rush?
At least the old coot's out of the slush!

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP, that is so unfortunate. Ignore the rude and idiotic replies.

That's such a hard decision. You need to have a heart to heard with DH. He really may need your support at his dad's funeral, but I totally understand wanting to do the eulogy. That's really rough.

[Anonymous]

Oh, wow. Is there a reason your mom picked Tuesday that's important here. (Even Monday, Wednesday-Friday were already booked seems relevant).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading your emo-novel, OP, but all I want to say is:

1. Funerals are difficult to plan at the best of times. People get weird about them and there are always differences of opinions.

2. Your children are adults. Great. You delegate your representatives to the one you cannot attend. Divide and conquer!

Wtf is wrong with you that you felt the need to post this as opposed to scrolling past?! No one needs your pithy words of advice about a situation you couldn’t deign to read about.

[Anonymous]

Are these two events anywhere near each other or are long drives/flights involved?

Almost whatever the answer is, I lean towards putting the eulogy on paper (no more than 2 sides of a page) and making it a handout--that or having one of your children deliver it on your behalf. Attend FIL's funeral.

You have already been to your GF's viewing, putting the eulogy on paper is actually a more lasting tribute, and your spouse just lost a parent and needs your support.

Also this is more or less what your mom directly invited, so give it to her.