Why Would A Spouse Run Interference?

[Anonymous]

Every time I ask the kids to empty the dishwasher my spouse tells them "don't worry about that now" and they walk away. Everytime I tell them to bring in the trash cans they tell them "you can get those later if they are still out" and they put them back. Every chore gets dismissed.

What is the motivation here? Trying to be the preferred parent? Trying to make them happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time I ask the kids to empty the dishwasher my spouse tells them "don't worry about that now" and they walk away. Everytime I tell them to bring in the trash cans they tell them "you can get those later if they are still out" and they put them back. Every chore gets dismissed.

What is the motivation here? Trying to be the preferred parent? Trying to make them happy?

Have you asked them? I would call them out on this. Undermining you isn't okay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I ask the kids to empty the dishwasher my spouse tells them "don't worry about that now" and they walk away. Everytime I tell them to bring in the trash cans they tell them "you can get those later if they are still out" and they put them back. Every chore gets dismissed.

What is the motivation here? Trying to be the preferred parent? Trying to make them happy?

Have you asked them? I would call them out on this. Undermining you isn't okay

+1 Y'all are supposed to move as a team. This needs to stop.

[Anonymous]

First, communicate to your DH that this interference is not okay. The next time he does it, he gets to do the chore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, communicate to your DH that this interference is not okay. The next time he does it, he gets to do the chore.

+1

[Anonymous]

My husband does this because he's OCD and is so anxious about things getting done a certain way, he can't handle teaching kids who are bound to make mistakes, or do it their way.

I've had to push back over the years on this tendency.

[Anonymous]

My DH has a tendency to treat the kids like his personal assistants. I do what you're describing sometimes because he's asked them to do too much already, I think he should do it himself or I just feel bad for them.
My kids do dishes and take care of the trash, btw. I'm not opposed to chores.

[Anonymous]

He's too lazy to deal with making them do it, or teaching them, or listening to them whine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a tendency to treat the kids like his personal assistants. I do what you're describing sometimes because he's asked them to do too much already, I think he should do it himself or I just feel bad for them.
My kids do dishes and take care of the trash, btw. I'm not opposed to chores.

+1.
Also, sometimes they have somewhere they need to be or they are in the middle of homework that needs to be done. Sometimes there is already an agreed upon time to do the chore.

DH often doesn’t really look at the context of the situation. What activity is he taking the kid away from? What chores have they already done? What all do they need to do later? When does this thing usually get done?

[Anonymous]

I would be giving your husband the benefit of the doubt here. He'd not thinking about his comments as undermining you; he's thinking about them either for his own need to do the chores, or because he's protective of your kids. His motivations may be misplaced, but if that's what's underlying his responses (neutral to positive motivations - protecting your kids!), I wouldn't be looking to attack him like all the PPs.

I'd just kindly say that, hey, you may not know how it makes me feel when you do xyz, but it comes across as you undermining me -- at least that's how the kids must hear it. And i don't want to be bad mom to the kids, so i would really appreciate it if you could be mindful of that going forward.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes my DH is really tough on the kids and i can see it resulting in some anxieties in my older one. I often have the instinct to say something like “it’ll be ok” to the kids after DH gives them a little lecture but I don’t because DH is also just trying his best… I have talked to DH about where the right balance is and we are trying to get it right but it can be hard.

[Anonymous]

What happens to the chore after he redirects them away?