Money Hamster Wheel

[Anonymous]

All, I have anxiety and depression, and also a very high IQ. I have worked so hard for 18 years since graduating college and finally hit the executive level. I did this for money.
I had to pay student loans, my mom did not have any retirement funds, and then I had kids so childcare and housing in DC is atrocious.

I had medical issues 4 years ago and have finally starting bouncing back, but the level of stress at my job is too much. But I want and need the money! Plus, with inflation my money anxiety is spiking high!!

What do I do here? Wealthy earners who did it yourself- what is the secret to longevity and endurance in earning (and keeping!) good money.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All, I have anxiety and depression, and also a very high IQ. I have worked so hard for 18 years since graduating college and finally hit the executive level. I did this for money.
I had to pay student loans, my mom did not have any retirement funds, and then I had kids so childcare and housing in DC is atrocious.

I had medical issues 4 years ago and have finally starting bouncing back, but the level of stress at my job is too much. But I want and need the money! Plus, with inflation my money anxiety is spiking high!!

What do I do here? Wealthy earners who did it yourself- what is the secret to longevity and endurance in earning (and keeping!) good money.

Thanks!

Realize that you are going to be stressed no matter what. Now, ask yourself whether you would rather be stressed with money or stressed without money. Also, find some ways to deal with your stress. Maybe start working out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All, I have anxiety and depression, and also a very high IQ. I have worked so hard for 18 years since graduating college and finally hit the executive level. I did this for money.
I had to pay student loans, my mom did not have any retirement funds, and then I had kids so childcare and housing in DC is atrocious.

I had medical issues 4 years ago and have finally starting bouncing back, but the level of stress at my job is too much. But I want and need the money! Plus, with inflation my money anxiety is spiking high!!

What do I do here? Wealthy earners who did it yourself- what is the secret to longevity and endurance in earning (and keeping!) good money.

Thanks!

Realize that you are going to be stressed no matter what. Now, ask yourself whether you would rather be stressed with money or stressed without money. Also, find some ways to deal with your stress. Maybe start working out.

NP. This is very good advice. It seems simplistic on the surface, but is very true. I am a high stress high IQ person. It has taken me time, but finally realized that I have to learn to live successfully with the personality I have. It's a form of cognitive behavioral therapy where you reframe how you think about something. Instead of being "afraid" of the stress, accept it and don't add to your stress by adding additional stress that the stress is ruining you. If that makes sense. Exercise is huge. I get you probably think you don't have time, but even if you walk in place, sort of bounce with arms hanging down and completely relax the body can help alleviate the stress in the body.

GL

[Anonymous]

Can you start your own business? Not saying the workload will decrease, but when you own your own shop, there's a new zeal and pride that feels amazing. I worked for a big firm for years in wealth management then opened my own firm, working the same job, just doing it for myself. Income tripled. Happiness, quintupled. Wasted time, eliminated (no more stupid corporate meetings). Still have stress, but that's with nearly any job, especially high earning ones. To me, money, and a lot of it, is key to happiness. So I can live with the stress in exchange for the cash, and owning my own business really does bring me a lot of happiness.

[Anonymous]

This is me. I ended up quitting my job. I’m in my notice period. I just simply cannot do it any longer. It might ruin us financially but seriously, I just….I cannot do it anymore. I have kids, my DH is not that helpful, one of my kids has SN that require a lot of time and money.

I know I might regret this but truly, I CANNOT do it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All, I have anxiety and depression, and also a very high IQ. I have worked so hard for 18 years since graduating college and finally hit the executive level. I did this for money.
I had to pay student loans, my mom did not have any retirement funds, and then I had kids so childcare and housing in DC is atrocious.

I had medical issues 4 years ago and have finally starting bouncing back, but the level of stress at my job is too much. But I want and need the money! Plus, with inflation my money anxiety is spiking high!!

What do I do here? Wealthy earners who did it yourself- what is the secret to longevity and endurance in earning (and keeping!) good money.

Thanks!

Realize that you are going to be stressed no matter what. Now, ask yourself whether you would rather be stressed with money or stressed without money. Also, find some ways to deal with your stress. Maybe start working out.

NP. This is very good advice. It seems simplistic on the surface, but is very true. I am a high stress high IQ person. It has taken me time, but finally realized that I have to learn to live successfully with the personality I have. It's a form of cognitive behavioral therapy where you reframe how you think about something. Instead of being "afraid" of the stress, accept it and don't add to your stress by adding additional stress that the stress is ruining you. If that makes sense. Exercise is huge. I get you probably think you don't have time, but even if you walk in place, sort of bounce with arms hanging down and completely relax the body can help alleviate the stress in the body.

GL

I'm like this too, and I agree about acceptance and exercise.

That said, I did find that moving into a less competitive career with good work life balance but no high earning potential (i.e. government) has really reduced my day to day anxiety connected to work and my career. Stability and balance help more than uncertainty and a potentially higher payoff.

[Anonymous]

You upgraded your lifestyle when making more money instead of investing and having your money work for you.
You can still change it. Downgrade your lifestyle, invest the extra money you have now and then get a work-life balance job.
Don't tell me how expensive everything is. I have never made over $50k in DC and I live very well. I also work part time in low stress job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All, I have anxiety and depression, and also a very high IQ. I have worked so hard for 18 years since graduating college and finally hit the executive level. I did this for money.
I had to pay student loans, my mom did not have any retirement funds, and then I had kids so childcare and housing in DC is atrocious.

I had medical issues 4 years ago and have finally starting bouncing back, but the level of stress at my job is too much. But I want and need the money! Plus, with inflation my money anxiety is spiking high!!

What do I do here? Wealthy earners who did it yourself- what is the secret to longevity and endurance in earning (and keeping!) good money.

Thanks!

Take some of that money and buy medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All, I have anxiety and depression, and also a very high IQ. I have worked so hard for 18 years since graduating college and finally hit the executive level. I did this for money.
I had to pay student loans, my mom did not have any retirement funds, and then I had kids so childcare and housing in DC is atrocious.

I had medical issues 4 years ago and have finally starting bouncing back, but the level of stress at my job is too much. But I want and need the money! Plus, with inflation my money anxiety is spiking high!!

What do I do here? Wealthy earners who did it yourself- what is the secret to longevity and endurance in earning (and keeping!) good money.

Thanks!

The primary qualification for the executive suite is the ability to manage stress and solve problems. If that's your Achilles Heel, you should not be in that role. Can you step down to an individual performer role with a modest reduction in salary or keep your salary but forego bonus/stock comp.?

[Anonymous]

Grin and bear and bank the money. If you are a C level exec in a big corp then that should be in an excess of 1M. Keep your spending normal and it should set you up for the easier future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is me. I ended up quitting my job. I’m in my notice period. I just simply cannot do it any longer. It might ruin us financially but seriously, I just….I cannot do it anymore. I have kids, my DH is not that helpful, one of my kids has SN that require a lot of time and money.

I know I might regret this but truly, I CANNOT do it anymore.

This was me. No regrets four years later.

[Anonymous]

Try YNAB and see what you really need and if you can cut anything else.

I also like Ramit Sethi, I will teach you to be rich.

[Anonymous]

We are living quite happily on $350k - ex Big Law Partner/now boutique lawyer with way lower hours and one former teacher/now half day preschool teacher. We have so much more time and sanity and are still socking away a ton to be DONE as soon as possible, hopefully 55. But to do this you have to see your time and freedom as a luxury vs. the next big fancy thing.

[Anonymous]

Op, I get the pressure of caring for family. How are your student loans and your mother doing? Can she live with you rather than you pay for housing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All, I have anxiety and depression, and also a very high IQ. I have worked so hard for 18 years since graduating college and finally hit the executive level. I did this for money.
I had to pay student loans, my mom did not have any retirement funds, and then I had kids so childcare and housing in DC is atrocious.

I had medical issues 4 years ago and have finally starting bouncing back, but the level of stress at my job is too much. But I want and need the money! Plus, with inflation my money anxiety is spiking high!!

What do I do here? Wealthy earners who did it yourself- what is the secret to longevity and endurance in earning (and keeping!) good money.

Thanks!

Realize that you are going to be stressed no matter what. Now, ask yourself whether you would rather be stressed with money or stressed without money. Also, find some ways to deal with your stress. Maybe start working out.

This. I got a big promotion in 2020 at the same time that my toddler was going through a health crisis that turned out to be a lifelong disability that will preclude her from ever living independently. I’m the primary breadwinner and quitting isn’t an option, especially given our child’s needs.

I started with hiring an excellent therapist who I pay out of pocket for and see every two weeks regardless of how well I think I’m doing. She is a godsend for helping me process difficult things before I even realize they are difficult and impeding me. Last session I went in talking about how hard a time I was having sleeping and it turned out to be unprocessed emotions getting in the way. She helped me identify that and work through that and I started sleeping again.

Then I bought an electric bike and started biking to work. Getting more strenuous exercise than walking on a regular basis has made a huge difference. I loved it so much I started going to weightlifting classes at the office gym and then also hired the personal trainer at work for tailored one on one sessions once a week. Th exercise piece has been huge.

Finally, I hired a nutritionist to help me improve my eating. I’d been skipping meals too frequently and grabbing carbs to fuel quickly and on a blood sugar roller coaster which truly felt terrible. I’ve been logging my food and meeting with the nutritionist weekly and troubleshooting issues and tough days and tweaking things week by week - with a few very small changes built over time (cutting out items with more than 4g of sugar, reducing my carbs, increasing my protein, cutting back on dairy and other saturated fats), my eating has transformed into something that truly supports me and makes it so much easier to make it through the day. I didn’t realize how much what and how I was eating contributed to the stress I was under.

Last thing is sleep. It’s sooo soooo important. For me turning off my phone and leaving it outside my bedroom is key. If it’s outside and off, I don’t reach for it in the middle of the night if I wake up briefly, and I don’t reach for it first thing in the morning and waste time on it in the morning. Going to bed before 10 is also important - not only do I sleep longer, my sleep is better quality. I wake up early enough to be able to take care of the things in my personal life that I’m too tired to deal with in the evenings that hang over my head and add to the stress I feel. So sleeping more, waking earlier, avoiding my phone in the morning (which is a time suck) helps me to accomplish so much more, so much more efficiently which makes everything less stressful.

To me, getting support for these foundational essentials is what self care really is. I’m in a totally different place than I was in 2020-2022 when I was on life support. My life feels so much more manageable even though all the same stressors are here. If you like your work but for the stress, I would examine these lifestyle habits before quitting. If making these kinds of changes don’t help enough to make the stress more manageable, then it’s the job, in which case I would strongly consider walking away. In the longterm, unmitigated stress kills you.