What 50-50 custody schedule worked best for your 7 year old?

[Anonymous]

Did 2-2-5 work best for your 7 year old?

Right now, I have lots more job flexibility, so I get my kid from aftercare at 4:30 every day. My STBX is a good parent, but has a much more rigid job. He'd have to get a sitter from the end of aftercare (4:30) until 5:30/6 on his days. I will continue living near the school and would be happy to continue picking up from school at 4:30....but I worry that it'd be hard for my kid to come home to my house and then get picked up to go to her father's house at 5:30/6. On the one hand, I currently crave every hour possible with my kid....but I don't want to make it harder for her.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My kid is nine now but we started that 225 schedule when they were 7. It works really well for them and for us. In fact, my child goes to their dad's house for an hour in the morning before school because I have to start my commute before care begins and he actually works very close to school. Our child has no problem going there on my parenting time, no confusion it's no problem.
In my experience is just important for them to know where they're going each day. Example, I'm going to drop you off at Dad's this morning and then I'll see you after school! Knowing what to expect makes it so much easier.

[Anonymous]

Child of 50/50 custody here (before it was cool).

You can try 2-2-5, I know it's popular, but as a kid, I found that fewer switches was better for me. At that age, I was doing week/week (switching Sunday nights). By middle school, I was pushing for even longer stretches.

Just wanted to weigh in on the after school thing - I was in a similar boat as a kid, and I took the bus to my mom's every day after school since she got home at 5 and my dad picked me up on his way home at 6 during his weeks. I had a babysitter at moms until 5, and it made perfect sense to me when I was little, silly to pay a sitter for even longer, and hard to get a sitter who will work at two different locations and keep track of your custody schedule. BUT I pushed really hard to be able to stay at my dad's by myself until 6, and I think finally won that battle in 3rd grade. It's probably later these days, but that's probably where you'll land long term.

[Anonymous]

I was also a 50/50 kid and did 7/7. But after a while I got sick of being shuffled back and forth and started doing 14/14. As your child gets older she may assert a preference to spend less time packing and unpacking.

[Anonymous]

What works best for the child is that you and your spouse work out your differences and maintain a civil.relationshop so that your child can grow up in one home with two parents.

If that is not an option, the second best is that the child stays in.one home and the parents alternate staying with the child.

If neither of those are options, then what you really are looking is the option that is best for the parents, but will not be good for the child.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the above PP
If you are able to get your kid after school then you should do that.
He can every other weekend and take her to dinner or one of her activities during the week. But then she can come home and sleep at her regular house.
Be civil about it though, if there’s a random week he had a more flexible situation then let him have more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What works best for the child is that you and your spouse work out your differences and maintain a civil.relationshop so that your child can grow up in one home with two parents.

If that is not an option, the second best is that the child stays in.one home and the parents alternate staying with the child.

If neither of those are options, then what you really are looking is the option that is best for the parents, but will not be good for the child.

The first 2 should be the only options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was also a 50/50 kid and did 7/7. But after a while I got sick of being shuffled back and forth and started doing 14/14. As your child gets older she may assert a preference to spend less time packing and unpacking.

I'm the PP who does 2/2/5. My dc desires to see both of us often and does not want 7/7 at this time. I just wanted to point out that it's not hard to make it so dc does NOT have to pack/unpack all the time. We literally exchange any meds (if any) and the charger cord for the gizmo watch and the Ipad (if dc had a locking locker I'd let them take it to school but they dont). Dc has their school backpack which they would carry regardless of our marital status. Dc has everything they need at both homes because they live there and does not 'pack' anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also a 50/50 kid and did 7/7. But after a while I got sick of being shuffled back and forth and started doing 14/14. As your child gets older she may assert a preference to spend less time packing and unpacking.

I'm the PP who does 2/2/5. My dc desires to see both of us often and does not want 7/7 at this time. I just wanted to point out that it's not hard to make it so dc does NOT have to pack/unpack all the time. We literally exchange any meds (if any) and the charger cord for the gizmo watch and the Ipad (if dc had a locking locker I'd let them take it to school but they dont). Dc has their school backpack which they would carry regardless of our marital status. Dc has everything they need at both homes because they live there and does not 'pack' anything.

That's fine for little kids, but for older kids it's a lot different. They care what they wear, they may have all their sports stuff, and electronics, and school assignments. You can't duplicate everything, or it's too expensive, and some things like half-done schoolwork are truly one-of-a-kind.

For me it was also just the disruptive feeling of the transition. I never felt settled in any one place and could never truly unpack because I knew I'd have to pack up again. I felt like an object being moved around. I really resented the time spent in transit as well. If parents are too invested in the "my divorce has not burdened my child at all" way of thinking, that's unrealistic and prevents them from empathizing.

[Anonymous]

The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

OP, you're not thinking about remarriage and stepfamilies yet, but it will likely come up at some point and then there will be pressure to have your kid's schedule work well with stepsiblings' schedules (either to keep them apart or together for whatever reason). And your kid may come to have preferences about their schedule, either for logistical reasons, proximity to school or friends, or dislike of a parent or step-parent. You can make a plan for now, but in the long term you should expect change.

It's a real downside of divorce that the kid has to think about and negotiate their very presence in each home, and may sometimes be forbidden from being at what's supposedly their home, but that's the way it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also a 50/50 kid and did 7/7. But after a while I got sick of being shuffled back and forth and started doing 14/14. As your child gets older she may assert a preference to spend less time packing and unpacking.

I'm the PP who does 2/2/5. My dc desires to see both of us often and does not want 7/7 at this time. I just wanted to point out that it's not hard to make it so dc does NOT have to pack/unpack all the time. We literally exchange any meds (if any) and the charger cord for the gizmo watch and the Ipad (if dc had a locking locker I'd let them take it to school but they dont). Dc has their school backpack which they would carry regardless of our marital status. Dc has everything they need at both homes because they live there and does not 'pack' anything.

That's fine for little kids, but for older kids it's a lot different. They care what they wear, they may have all their sports stuff, and electronics, and school assignments. You can't duplicate everything, or it's too expensive, and some things like half-done schoolwork are truly one-of-a-kind.

For me it was also just the disruptive feeling of the transition. I never felt settled in any one place and could never truly unpack because I knew I'd have to pack up again. I felt like an object being moved around. I really resented the time spent in transit as well. If parents are too invested in the "my divorce has not burdened my child at all" way of thinking, that's unrealistic and prevents them from empathizing.

The OP was asking about a schedule for a 7 yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also a 50/50 kid and did 7/7. But after a while I got sick of being shuffled back and forth and started doing 14/14. As your child gets older she may assert a preference to spend less time packing and unpacking.

I'm the PP who does 2/2/5. My dc desires to see both of us often and does not want 7/7 at this time. I just wanted to point out that it's not hard to make it so dc does NOT have to pack/unpack all the time. We literally exchange any meds (if any) and the charger cord for the gizmo watch and the Ipad (if dc had a locking locker I'd let them take it to school but they dont). Dc has their school backpack which they would carry regardless of our marital status. Dc has everything they need at both homes because they live there and does not 'pack' anything.

That's fine for little kids, but for older kids it's a lot different. They care what they wear, they may have all their sports stuff, and electronics, and school assignments. You can't duplicate everything, or it's too expensive, and some things like half-done schoolwork are truly one-of-a-kind.

For me it was also just the disruptive feeling of the transition. I never felt settled in any one place and could never truly unpack because I knew I'd have to pack up again. I felt like an object being moved around. I really resented the time spent in transit as well. If parents are too invested in the "my divorce has not burdened my child at all" way of thinking, that's unrealistic and prevents them from empathizing.

The OP was asking about a schedule for a 7 yo.

She won't be 7 forever. It's best to plan for your child to grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.