Should DD9 not be going to these meets?

[Anonymous]

She's been on the team for less than a year and isn't very good, to put it mildly. DH and I both swam in college, and I had a lot of concerns that she might feel pressured, but she LOVES it. She asks to go to every meet she meets the qualifications for, and we usually allow it. If nothing else, her confidence has skyrocketed.

This weekend, we overheard another parent make a nasty comment about her times, and how they couldn't believe she was at this particular meet, because the park district pool was more her speed. Again, her coaches were aware. She met the requirements. She was not even the slowest swimmer, by far.

30+ years ago, what she/we are doing would have fine. But it made me wonder if there has been some unspoken cultural shift that says only "good" swimmers should attend meets at at elite pools. What does DCUM think?

[Anonymous]

No, ignore the nasty parents and let her have fun. You will always have those kinds of parents. Perfectly fine to be the slowest and do it for exercise and because she enjoys swimming. Some parents get really nasty and competitive. Its bizarre. She's doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, ignore the nasty parents and let her have fun. You will always have those kinds of parents. Perfectly fine to be the slowest and do it for exercise and because she enjoys swimming. Some parents get really nasty and competitive. Its bizarre. She's doing great.

+1,000. I have a slow swimmer who loves to swim. Coaches on our team are supportive of every swimmer improving and reaching their goals. Ignore the parents. Or, make them feel like sh*t and call them out on their jerk behavior. "Um, that's my child. Any other unsportsmanlike thing you'd like to say and insult a child?"

In any event, someone has to finish last in everything always. Good for you supporting your daughter in something she loves.

[Anonymous]

I would be shocked that someone cared about who was swimming a meet, esp for a 9 year old? Hopefully it is just this one parent, because no one on our team would give a damn. She's 9.

My kids are older, but have swam club since 7/8 and were and are some of the slowest to make the meets with qualifying times. But in swim that is all they need to do. It doesn't take away from anyone that she's there, so their concern/jerkiness is wacko

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be shocked that someone cared about who was swimming a meet, esp for a 9 year old? Hopefully it is just this one parent, because no one on our team would give a damn. She's 9.

My kids are older, but have swam club since 7/8 and were and are some of the slowest to make the meets with qualifying times. But in swim that is all they need to do. It doesn't take away from anyone that she's there, so their concern/jerkiness is wacko

I was at RMSC practice years ago and a group of mom's in the waiting area were all looking at charts of all the kids and making nasty comments. It happens.

OP, I am the first PP. My kid is a teen and has other interests. They are the slowest but it's fun and good exercise. Ignore them.

[Anonymous]

OP, that is terrible, I’m so sorry you heard that and I wish you had embarrassed the hell out of them. None of the PVS meets this weekend had time standards that needed to be met to enter the meet, and those parents were way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Somebody has to come in last! If she was so slow that it delayed the meeting I could understand them being annoyed but they should still keep it to themselves. If your kid is happy there's no reason to stop.

[Anonymous]

I mean it’s one thing if your kid is entered in a 200FR and has to stop on every turn for 10 seconds to catch their breath - but even then! If there is no qualifying time there’s no qualifying time. Everyone else can deal with it and in fact if the deck or audience notices some swimmer is way behind everyone will start cheering and clapping for that swimmer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's been on the team for less than a year and isn't very good, to put it mildly. DH and I both swam in college, and I had a lot of concerns that she might feel pressured, but she LOVES it. She asks to go to every meet she meets the qualifications for, and we usually allow it. If nothing else, her confidence has skyrocketed.

This weekend, we overheard another parent make a nasty comment about her times, and how they couldn't believe she was at this particular meet, because the park district pool was more her speed. Again, her coaches were aware. She met the requirements. She was not even the slowest swimmer, by far.

30+ years ago, what she/we are doing would have fine. But it made me wonder if there has been some unspoken cultural shift that says only "good" swimmers should attend meets at at elite pools. What does DCUM think?

How ok are you with awkward conversations? I'd personally engage the parent. Ask about their kid. Remind them that genetics matter and that your slow swimmer has a much better chance of swimming in college in 10 years than their fast swimmer

[Anonymous]

OP, let her swim. It's a fun sport that she enjoys and she's developing important skills.

Ignore those parents. Some people are just nasty. They're the ones who shouldn't be allowed to participate, not your daughter.

[Anonymous]

That's an extremely rude comment. I would have loved you to call her out on it.

Swimmers can improve for such a long time ... I think you're doing the right thing letting your DD compete when she's invited and supporting her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been on the team for less than a year and isn't very good, to put it mildly. DH and I both swam in college, and I had a lot of concerns that she might feel pressured, but she LOVES it. She asks to go to every meet she meets the qualifications for, and we usually allow it. If nothing else, her confidence has skyrocketed.

This weekend, we overheard another parent make a nasty comment about her times, and how they couldn't believe she was at this particular meet, because the park district pool was more her speed. Again, her coaches were aware. She met the requirements. She was not even the slowest swimmer, by far.

30+ years ago, what she/we are doing would have fine. But it made me wonder if there has been some unspoken cultural shift that says only "good" swimmers should attend meets at at elite pools. What does DCUM think?

How ok are you with awkward conversations? I'd personally engage the parent. Ask about their kid. Remind them that genetics matter and that your slow swimmer has a much better chance of swimming in college in 10 years than their fast swimmer

This is probably true. Swimming takes skills and as she develops her skills, she'll get faster and faster. It's normal for a brand new swimmer to be slow.

[Anonymous]

Swim parents can be the worst. They love to talk about other swimmers' times.

[Anonymous]

That's rude and dumb. Even at the Olympic trials somebody is the slowest. I would be so proud if my daughter was lapped by Katie Ledecky because it would mean my kid was fast enough to swim in the same meet. I bet those mean parents would feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30+ years ago, what she/we are doing would have fine. But it made me wonder if there has been some unspoken cultural shift that says only "good" swimmers should attend meets at at elite pools. What does DCUM think?

Where was the meet?