How to help DD
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Anonymous
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DD (23 year old & only child), never had a boyfriend. Recently, I asked her if she has a boyfriend as most of her friends are dating. She said she is not able to meet anyone or talk to anyone new outside her friends group. As a parent, I understand that it is more related to social skill, confidence. DD is a very good student and completed masters degree and is working now.
some additional information, both parents do not have extended family and mother has social anxiety and few friends. DH and I want DD to have her own family and kids and not feel lonely. How can parents help DD? |
Anonymous
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What you want for DD is understandable, but what does SHE want? Why do you assume she's lonely when she has a friend Group?
If you want to help her, find out what she wants and ask her how you can help. And if she wants marriage and kids, don't push or ask a ton of questions, listen and make a few suggestions. |
Anonymous
| I would offer to pay for her to go therapy so she can work through this with a professional and help her find one . If she is not interested in I would drop it. |
Anonymous
| Does she want a boyfriend? Does she want to expand her social circle? Does she want your help? Unless you know with certainty that the answer to all these questions is yes, you do absolutely nothing. |
Anonymous
| Don't go worrying about answers to problems of your own making; especially with regard to someone else's life. She needs to figure this out. Therapy can always help and is expensive, so you might get that for her if she is interested and if you can afford it. Otherwise, be a good listener, provide help if it is asked for, and otherwise MYOB. |
Anonymous
| Maybe help with anything that could increase her self confidence like a gym membership, new clothes, makeup. I know that sounds extremely shallow but can make a massive difference in her self confidence. Not make assumptions though as this may not be something she struggles with, just an idea. |
Anonymous
| Join social activities. Work on fitness and dressing. Things will happen. She is young. |
Anonymous
Don’t offer these things unless she asks for them. |
Anonymous
| Do more asking her what she wants and needs from you and less worrying/asking DCUM what to do. The ideas shouldn’t come from you AT ALL or she will feel less confident because she will feel like you think she’s broken and you’re trying to fix her (which is sort of how you feel, right? That there’s something wrong that you need to fix?). Ask what help she wants. Do that if feasible. And just be supportive. |
Anonymous
But oh my gosh, the mom can’t TELL her to “focus on fitness and dressing.” And it’s also awful advice. |
Anonymous
| It may not be appropriate if the daughter is sensitive. However, it is undeniable that these are factors that play a HUGE role in the dating scene and investing in your physical appearance can make you more confident attract someone who is on par with your standards. |
Anonymous
Why? What's your suggestion? |
Anonymous
Not asking to TELL her, two adults can just logically discuss a topic. No? |
Anonymous
| To be fair, whenever my mom made any suggestions about my looks or style, it increased my insecurities. If she doesn't like what she sees, why would anyone else. You have to have a relationship where this discussion doesn't effect your child's self esteem. |
Anonymous
NP. How about it’s none of Anxious Mommy’s business, and she shouldn’t interfere? How about that. |