Have you ever been dropped by a friend when they met a guy?

[Anonymous]

For years, I stood by a friend as she went through a series of dead-end relationships, egg-freezing, on and on.
Then she met someone, was funny about introducing me to him, finally we went out as couples for one awkward dinner, and then she completely dropped me. Last I heard she lives in deep suburbia with two little children. Is this a thing people do? Did I do something? Sometimes I just ruminate on it and it makes me sad and baffled.

[Anonymous]

Have you reached out to her and asked? That's what I'd do. Or if you don't want to be confrontational -- reach out and make a plan. What was "awkward" about the dinner? We need more insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you reached out to her and asked? That's what I'd do. Or if you don't want to be confrontational -- reach out and make a plan. What was "awkward" about the dinner? We need more insight.

I did reach out when I sensed her pulling away (texting less, etc.) I invited her to a movie and again out to dinner. She declined both times. It began to feel very one-sided, so I stopped reaching out.

As for why the dinner was awkward: They could only meet on a Sunday at 5. It took forever to get her to commit to a time, at that. We went to a restaurant that was barely a restaurant -- more like a cafe with a few seats and super slow service (this friend and I used to love trying fun, big new spots). Both of them declared the evening over after an hour - it was clear it was NOT a priority for them to be there. It felt odd and hurtful.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. Turns out he was an abusive and controlling ahole and was from the start. He love bombed and picked on her insecurities. She pulled away because he convinced her that I didn't want to be happy for her and would try to pull her away from him. He convinced her to move 45 min away and that was the final cut to our friendship. Years later we ran into each other by chance and reconnected. She had divorced him. We see each other about every 6 weeks and text a couple of times a week. I felt guilty for awhile because it sounds like he was a really awful person and wondered if I'd pushed more at the beginning, I would have seen it. But she was right when she pointed out she wouldn't have listened to me anyways.

[Anonymous]

I “dropped” a friend when I met my husband. Now estranged husband but that’s not the point. Anyway the reason that I dropped this friend is that she had/has no interest in my life other than when it fit w her needs. When I was single and could go to dinner, bars, on adventures, it was all good. But she had no interest in hearing about my new boyfriend/fiancee/wedding planning/kids/you get it. I just got tired of the one sidedness.

[Anonymous]

Yes, what was awkward about the dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, what was awkward about the dinner?

See above.

[Anonymous]

One time my roommate asked me if I wanted to watch a movie that night. I said okay. Then the phone rang and it was a guy who asked her out on a date. She got excited and totally forget she had said we were going to watch a movie. I got insulted she didn't even remember our plans or bother to inform me. It was like I ceased to exist.

[Anonymous]

I bet he’s abusive and controlling. Probably love bombed her.

[Anonymous]

A friend dropped me when I found a great guy. But I think it was also the guy she was with was a total dud and I didn't like him (he had 4 kids and clearly wanted her to care for his kids). It took several years for her to realize the same thing.

[Anonymous]

I had a best friend years ago who would spend less time w/me whenever she would meet a new guy.

When she was single, she always had time to spend together & we would have lots of fun.
We were in our 20’s then.
Then she would meet a new guy + suddenly her calls and plans with me would go on the back burner.
I always hated when she got a man because I would rarely, if ever hear from her.

When she got married (and thus lived across the street from me for a few yrs), she still rarely had time for me.
Reaching out to her was awkward at best and always felt so one-sided.

Then after 20 yrs. of marriage, she suddenly began calling me often and reaching out on a regular basis.

By then however I had emotionally moved on from her…..

[Anonymous]

*After 20 yrs. of marriage, she then got divorced

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing the guy was possessive and controlling (what vibe, if any, did you get from him?).

OR -

She felt embarrassed and self-conscious about her history of dead-end relationships and perhaps she worried that some aspect of that would scare her new partner away - and you had a front row seat to what she was trying to hide.

[Anonymous]

My best friend got married and after awhile invited me and my husband over for dinner. I thought it went fine but after that, nothing. I would reach out and she never had time.

I think it was because her husband either didn't like both of us or didn't like my husband, they were very different types of guys. I think she just chose to totally lean into her married life and that was it.

I was sorry to lose the friendship but in accepting that she would choose that over at least occasionally hanging out with me I knew I could find better friends and I have.

[Anonymous]

I’ve actually had the opposite experience, where a friend has completely stopped talking to me when I started seeing someone.
It’s happened three times, and I still don’t understand it.