Incident report with same kid for 3 days

[Anonymous]

We have received incident reports 3 days in a roll from daycare related to my DD4 having conflict with a 4 year old boy in class. Day 1, one side of her face was red because he slapped her on the face. Day 2, her arm was scratched and she has a bumpy red patch that we have to apply anti-bacterial ointment to control itchy. Day 3 today, she gets pulled on long hair, and she fell on the floor with a bruise on leg. It is the same boy, and I saw my DD crying 3 days in a roll when I pick her up.

I know they are little kids. But, what could I do to avoid my DD getting hurt by that same boy. Teacher tells me that my DD either did not take her turn, or got in fight or conflict over toy with thay boy. And, she told DD should not take other kid's turn, play with other kids something like that. I try not to be a snowflake mom, but how come I feel like teaching hinting me that it was my DD fault for all incidents. The other boy is not hurt, scratched by my DD in all 3 incidents. And, my DD is the only one getting hurt and crying.

I tell DD do not play with that boy. One mom tells me to report to administration because that boy hurt her son before in the class. What would you do in my shoes?

[Anonymous]

You need to send emails so there is documentation to the administration.

[Anonymous]

Ask if you can come in and observe the class for a half-day. You need to do this more than once so you get the full picture and so that the children "forget" you are there in case that is affecting their behavior. Your DD should not be coming home with injuries every day, and certainly not from the same boy. You will almost certainly need to change preschools, but with the observation at least you will have the full picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have received incident reports 3 days in a roll from daycare related to my DD4 having conflict with a 4 year old boy in class. Day 1, one side of her face was red because he slapped her on the face. Day 2, her arm was scratched and she has a bumpy red patch that we have to apply anti-bacterial ointment to control itchy. Day 3 today, she gets pulled on long hair, and she fell on the floor with a bruise on leg. It is the same boy, and I saw my DD crying 3 days in a roll when I pick her up.

I know they are little kids. But, what could I do to avoid my DD getting hurt by that same boy. Teacher tells me that my DD either did not take her turn, or got in fight or conflict over toy with thay boy. And, she told DD should not take other kid's turn, play with other kids something like that. I try not to be a snowflake mom, but how come I feel like teaching hinting me that it was my DD fault for all incidents. The other boy is not hurt, scratched by my DD in all 3 incidents. And, my DD is the only one getting hurt and crying.

I tell DD do not play with that boy. One mom tells me to report to administration because that boy hurt her son before in the class. What would you do in my shoes?

The teacher is telling you that your kid is slightly at fault - and she is, if she isn’t taking turns and is grabbing toys. But, the teacher is probably having longer, more serious conversations with the boy’s parents since he is most at fault (“we don’t hit EVER” etc.), so I wouldn’t assume that the teacher thinks your DD is the main problem.

Telling DD to stay away from the kid is a good idea. Tell the teacher too with blameless language - “DD and other kid seem like oil and water lately and seem to need a break, so let’s encourage them to branch out to other friendships.”

[Anonymous]

She may be exploring what it is like to poke the bear. See how far she can push his buttons before he snaps. They are finger pointing at her, but they know that repeat incident reports especially back to back fall on them. They need to step up the supervision and step in earlier.

[Anonymous]

Ask the administration / teachers to encourage the children to play separately if they come into contact with one another. Say that you are concerned that things seem to be escalating and that you're worried that she could come home with even bigger injuries.

Have compassion for the other child. It's possible that the child is autistic (even if the parents or teachers don't know it) and that it's difficult for the kid to deal with big emotions.

We were in a similar situation and it's tough. Kids who can't control their emotions don't totally respond to the logical talking to that parents / teachers give them. Administrators won't kick a child out (unless it's just ridiculously bad). We ended up pulling our kid out with a month left in the year to go to another school. We just ate the cost and moved on.

[Anonymous]

You need to set up an emergency conference with the Director and teacher. That boy needs to be shadowed so that he is not harming your daughter or anybody else. You need to follow up with an email so there’s written documentation of your conference. The boy needs to be supervised. The teachers need to be better at keeping him next to them at all time so he does not have the opportunity to hit your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Teach your kid to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach your kid to share.

This is the kind of mega-mind advice that I have - sadly - come to expect here at DCUM.

[Anonymous]

If it's the same child then he is a bully. No child should be allowed to choose a child to pick on every day and it sounds as though this kid what the other child has done. I would question why the teacher is putting the blame if the child that is being hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to set up an emergency conference with the Director and teacher. That boy needs to be shadowed so that he is not harming your daughter or anybody else. You need to follow up with an email so there’s written documentation of your conference. The boy needs to be supervised. The teachers need to be better at keeping him next to them at all time so he does not have the opportunity to hit your daughter.

The boy is a bully and needs to be in another classroom or expelled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask the administration / teachers to encourage the children to play separately if they come into contact with one another. Say that you are concerned that things seem to be escalating and that you're worried that she could come home with even bigger injuries.

Have compassion for the other child. It's possible that the child is autistic (even if the parents or teachers don't know it) and that it's difficult for the kid to deal with big emotions.

We were in a similar situation and it's tough. Kids who can't control their emotions don't totally respond to the logical talking to that parents / teachers give them. Administrators won't kick a child out (unless it's just ridiculously bad). We ended up pulling our kid out with a month left in the year to go to another school. We just ate the cost and moved on.

Why should It P have compassion for the kid who is hurting her child repeatedly? If he's autistic then he needs to be in a SN class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's the same child then he is a bully. No child should be allowed to choose a child to pick on every day and it sounds as though this kid what the other child has done. I would question why the teacher is putting the blame if the child that is being hurt.

It could be the opposite in that this kid could be a target of lots of kids and it has affected his ability to handle conflict. It’s hard to tell because OP’s child isn’t an innocent target here. She’s an instigator. I wouldn’t be jumping to any conclusions except that OP needs a parent school conference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to set up an emergency conference with the Director and teacher. That boy needs to be shadowed so that he is not harming your daughter or anybody else. You need to follow up with an email so there’s written documentation of your conference. The boy needs to be supervised. The teachers need to be better at keeping him next to them at all time so he does not have the opportunity to hit your daughter.

The boy is a bully and needs to be in another classroom or expelled.

Quoted pp and if he hits a 4th time then I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to set up an emergency conference with the Director and teacher. That boy needs to be shadowed so that he is not harming your daughter or anybody else. You need to follow up with an email so there’s written documentation of your conference. The boy needs to be supervised. The teachers need to be better at keeping him next to them at all time so he does not have the opportunity to hit your daughter.

The boy is a bully and needs to be in another classroom or expelled.

Quoted pp and if he hits a 4th time then I agree.

Not a bully, he’s 4 and his parents haven’t taught him how to control his anger. OP’s kid is the instigator and this kid acts out. They both need better parenting.