dc/w ASD, vocal stims/flapping in stores?

[Anonymous]

I'm just looking for some ideas/advice on my 9 yo DD's 'behavior' (I don't think it's intentional) in public places like stores.

She's 9, dx ASD and to explain it, 'high functioning'. Fully verbal. Recently, when we go places, she tends to hop around (it's not just flapping but like a body hop/twist/flap) and vocalize something like a 'bark' or a squak. I feel like it's more pronounced now, although it's possible I just notice it more because she's getting older and other people notice now.

I wonder if it's something that ABA could be helpful for. She had been in ABA for just a few weeks when the pandemic hit, and she liked it but for a variety of reasons we did not resume (mostly due to concern for elderly grandparents that she spends time with, who are fully vaccinated now). So I'm not opposed to it. The place she went those years ago has since closed. Anyhow, I don't know if this is something that could be helped with that. Or another approach? I'm open to ideas.

I'm fine with her stims-I don't want to extenguish them, I just don't want her to be stared at or commented on, which she does notice and is hurt by. She's actually well behaved in stores, she does not beg for anything or touch/bother others or merchandise. But the noise and motion get her stared at and it bothers HER.

[Anonymous]

How do you know that it bothers her? Does she say it bothers her?

[Anonymous]

I would ask if there's any substitute stim that can fill the need for her, just for as long as you're in the store. If the vocal stim is an oral motor need for example, perhaps a cough drop, gum, or chewy necklace. Experiment and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

My DS is very similar! I will say that the stims come and go, so the vocal part may disappear. I also don’t try to interfere with stims, but lately I have been working with him to dial down the jumping in public (except where it’s appropriate like a park) and especially where it is unsafe (metro platform). He’s 11 and old enough to understand my explanation that it’s unsafe or gets in people’s way. He also just likes to move his body so I try to do a lot of walks outside where he can jump as much as he wants. I’ve also noticed that he is modifying his own behavior when his friends comment on it when they walk together.

As for ABA, I don’t think you need it just for this unless the behavior is really persistent and disruptive or unsafe. But if she liked ABA before, I do think it’s a great age to start working on self-care skills via ABA, so that can include going to stores, acting as expected, learning to make purchases …

[Anonymous]

Oh also, my DS is pretty oblivious to what strangers think - but the fact that your DD notices seems like great motivation to talk about behavior. You can have an ongoing conversation about “expected” and “unexpected” behavior and explain that unexpected behavior could result in people staring. So if she doesn’t want that, she can change her behavior. But you can also affirm that moving her body feels good and she can choose when to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that it bothers her? Does she say it bothers her?

Yes. She'll say 'that lady looked at me weird. She thinks I'm weird' or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Does she make the connection between her behavior and other people's reactions?

I suggest you take a look at the Social Thinking website section for older children and see if you find it helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is very similar! I will say that the stims come and go, so the vocal part may disappear. I also don’t try to interfere with stims, but lately I have been working with him to dial down the jumping in public (except where it’s appropriate like a park) and especially where it is unsafe (metro platform). He’s 11 and old enough to understand my explanation that it’s unsafe or gets in people’s way. He also just likes to move his body so I try to do a lot of walks outside where he can jump as much as he wants. I’ve also noticed that he is modifying his own behavior when his friends comment on it when they walk together.

As for ABA, I don’t think you need it just for this unless the behavior is really persistent and disruptive or unsafe. But if she liked ABA before, I do think it’s a great age to start working on self-care skills via ABA, so that can include going to stores, acting as expected, learning to make purchases …

Oh my word. My ASD 1 kids jumps like a pogo stick. It never occurred to me that it was a stim. That’s why I love this board. I’ll definitely approach it differently in the future. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

ABA can definitely address self-stimulatory behavior like you describe. You can find a BCBA in your area here:

https://www.bacb.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that it bothers her? Does she say it bothers her?

Yes. She'll say 'that lady looked at me weird. She thinks I'm weird' or something like that.

What if you said "I think she wasn't expecting that sound from you"? What would your DD say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that it bothers her? Does she say it bothers her?

Yes. She'll say 'that lady looked at me weird. She thinks I'm weird' or something like that.

What if you said "I think she wasn't expecting that sound from you"? What would your DD say?

I'm not sure. I think she'd probably just not answer. Usually, I say (quietly, not angrily) 'look around, is anyone else barking?' but that hasn't seemed to stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is very similar! I will say that the stims come and go, so the vocal part may disappear. I also don’t try to interfere with stims, but lately I have been working with him to dial down the jumping in public (except where it’s appropriate like a park) and especially where it is unsafe (metro platform). He’s 11 and old enough to understand my explanation that it’s unsafe or gets in people’s way. He also just likes to move his body so I try to do a lot of walks outside where he can jump as much as he wants. I’ve also noticed that he is modifying his own behavior when his friends comment on it when they walk together.

As for ABA, I don’t think you need it just for this unless the behavior is really persistent and disruptive or unsafe. But if she liked ABA before, I do think it’s a great age to start working on self-care skills via ABA, so that can include going to stores, acting as expected, learning to make purchases …

Oh my word. My ASD 1 kids jumps like a pogo stick. It never occurred to me that it was a stim. That’s why I love this board. I’ll definitely approach it differently in the future. Thanks!

It took me years to figure out the jumping/spinning was a stim! Sometimes I try it out too. It’s fun. Also kept my DS healthy during the pandemic because he’d jump a lot during remote schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that it bothers her? Does she say it bothers her?

Yes. She'll say 'that lady looked at me weird. She thinks I'm weird' or something like that.

What if you said "I think she wasn't expecting that sound from you"? What would your DD say?

I'm not sure. I think she'd probably just not answer. Usually, I say (quietly, not angrily) 'look around, is anyone else barking?' but that hasn't seemed to stop it.

I would be MUCH more direct. “She looked at you because you are barking.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that it bothers her? Does she say it bothers her?

Yes. She'll say 'that lady looked at me weird. She thinks I'm weird' or something like that.

What if you said "I think she wasn't expecting that sound from you"? What would your DD say?

I'm not sure. I think she'd probably just not answer. Usually, I say (quietly, not angrily) 'look around, is anyone else barking?' but that hasn't seemed to stop it.

I would be MUCH more direct. “She looked at you because you are barking.”

I feel like I have said something to that effect at times. Maybe I should say it just like above.

I appreciate the responses here! And that they 'get it'. It's not like I can ask my mom friends of NT kids, 'hey, what do you do when your kid barks at Target?' LOL

[Anonymous]

Have you ever tried filming them and letting them watch it later? This sometimes works when kids are more aware of social norms. You can also try filming someone of a similar age-cousin, friend, whatever- in the same setting and use this as a demonstration for what’s socially acceptable behavior at that age.