Petty spouse & Christmas present vent

[Anonymous]

DH sucked at gift giving early in our relationship, so I finally said one Christmas that all he had to get me was one thing I needed and I would do the same for him. He hates shopping for socks but likes to have colorful socks, so I get him fun socks. I use a specific size planner insert that I have to order from abroad, and it was always annoying to ship it and pick it up at the post office or deal with DHL, so now he orders that for me.

I got a notice of a package to pick up at the post office today and gave it to him so he could retrieve my planner pages/present. Except he said that’s not his package. I asked what he meant, and it turned out it was something I ordered from Etsy.

And then he said “yeah I couldn’t find your planner pages after I looked really hard.” I asked why he didn’t let me know so I could look for them, since they take a few weeks to ship and will be out of stock by January. He said “I figured you could find something else after Christmas.”

I got really upset, because not only would I have not had the planner pages I needed but I wouldn’t have had anything to open on Christmas. I know the latter part is childish. But I was able to find the planner pages in 30 seconds online and get them shipped with 2 days to spare before the new year. It wasn’t hard and it didn’t take an elaborate search.

DH says I shouldn’t be mad because “he tried”. I’m allowed to be a little mad and hurt, right?

I really want to go out and buy a $2k purse now and put it under the tree for myself, but I’m not a $2k purse kind of person and I know that would make me TA.

[Anonymous]

He's a jerk. That's such an easyg gift.

[Anonymous]

This is dumb. Just stop with gifts to each other or buy yourself what you want and wrap it. If your relationship is otherwise good, let it go

[Anonymous]

If it's something you expect, it's not a real Christmas gift, so no, you shouldn't be mad you can't open on Christmas. He, however is a turd and should be giving you something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is dumb. Just stop with gifts to each other or buy yourself what you want and wrap it. If your relationship is otherwise good, let it go

The problem with our relationship is that he is constantly deciding what should and should not be important to me and throws a hissy fit when I stick up for myself. It’s so subtle that I can’t articulate it to other people, let alone a therapist, but it makes me feel invisible and like I don’t matter.

And I’m in the life phase where my child is too little to buy or make a present and my only living older relative is having me buy and wrap presents to be given on her behalf. I just want something tiny to open on Christmas. I know I’m a big baby for saying that but it’s true and I can’t say it anywhere else.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry…the socks would be going back

[Anonymous]

Cry me a river…

[Anonymous]

Men are stupid. It’s depressing.

[Anonymous]

Decide on a budget. Then you each go get what you want. You will plan ahead and end up with great deals. He may or may not end up with stuff under the tree.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. My DH isn’t good at gifts either so we started using the Giftster app. It’s like an Amazon wishlist except you can link things from any website. Maybe you guys could try that and put 5-10 things on the list and agree to at least buy one thing from it? Rather than telling him specifically you want one particular thing. That way he couldn’t say he counts find it, and you get a bit of a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. My DH isn’t good at gifts either so we started using the Giftster app. It’s like an Amazon wishlist except you can link things from any website. Maybe you guys could try that and put 5-10 things on the list and agree to at least buy one thing from it? Rather than telling him specifically you want one particular thing. That way he couldn’t say he counts find it, and you get a bit of a surprise.

Does it have some kind of alarm or signal if nothing has been purchased by x date? I like this idea, but I’m also imagining Christmas Day rolling around with zero things purchased from the list.

I think I have a DH problem, not a list problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is dumb. Just stop with gifts to each other or buy yourself what you want and wrap it. If your relationship is otherwise good, let it go

The problem with our relationship is that he is constantly deciding what should and should not be important to me and throws a hissy fit when I stick up for myself. It’s so subtle that I can’t articulate it to other people, let alone a therapist, but it makes me feel invisible and like I don’t matter.

And I’m in the life phase where my child is too little to buy or make a present and my only living older relative is having me buy and wrap presents to be given on her behalf. I just want something tiny to open on Christmas. I know I’m a big baby for saying that but it’s true and I can’t say it anywhere else.

Actually, you articulated it very well right here, and a therapist would understand why this bothers you.

It’s probably not a great candidate for couples therapy, but you could do individual therapy to learn how to cope with it, or how to address it.

[Anonymous]

Hold up. You are this disappointed that you don't get to open a present that is the same planner insert that you get every year? Yikes. Just buy yourself something online and have it wrapped and delivered. It won't be a surprise, but neither is your planner!

(As for the other part, you should go to couples counseling)

[Anonymous]

Is the planner from Japan? Because you cannot leave those inserts to chance! Let DS buy you olive oil or pens or something. Do not delegate the planner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. My DH isn’t good at gifts either so we started using the Giftster app. It’s like an Amazon wishlist except you can link things from any website. Maybe you guys could try that and put 5-10 things on the list and agree to at least buy one thing from it? Rather than telling him specifically you want one particular thing. That way he couldn’t say he counts find it, and you get a bit of a surprise.

Does it have some kind of alarm or signal if nothing has been purchased by x date? I like this idea, but I’m also imagining Christmas Day rolling around with zero things purchased from the list.

I think I have a DH problem, not a list problem.

Someone needs to make an app like this for wives, where you add to a wishlist, set a budget, and it also chooses something from the list and ships it to you gift wrapped!