Help- DH got 8 yo a drum set

[Anonymous]

DH has adhd and is impulsive with a history of overspending and impulsivity. He just came home with an electric drum set for DS age 8. DS has expressed some interest in drums bc his cousin on the west coast plays drums. My DH said he got drums bc DS is tone deaf but loves music so "this way he will always be able to participate."

Meanwhile, this is the most anxiety-provoking gift for me. In general I hate clutter, and of course there is the noise. There are headphones but DS is already asking if "he always has to wear headphones."

My brother is an amateur jazz drummer, and he has two drum sets in his basement. My nephew is a sweet 10 yo with limited interest in activities, so my brother really encouraged him on drums and it's been a bonding thing for them. My nephew attends an expensive private middle school with a band program and he's able to play the drums at school.

We do have a basement, but it is not reasonable that I would spend time with DS in the basement drumming, and I know DH will not. DS is not self-directed enough to sit in front of an app and teach himself to play, which is what DH thinks will happen. DH said he planned to get DS lessons but they are 150-250/monthly, which is not in the budget.

DH has left the drums on our main level and ignored my request to set up in the basement.

I am SO STRESSED about all of this but recognize that my anxiety about clutter may be dominating the fun and benefit. If anyone has tips to help make this drum situation a success I would appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

Does his school offer band or any other type of music?

How about putting him in something like School of Rock in DC or Bethesda?

If he likes it can be a great outlet and would be bonding with family too. Could your brother do some teaching over Zoom?

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband that you and he need to move the drums to the basement ASAP. Work with him to get it done.

Tell your kid that he must wear the headphones at all times.

No one will help him so he will likely give up and never use them after about 3 months. So, you will have wasted the money.

[Anonymous]

https://www.musicnotes.com/blog/17-surprising-health-benefits-of-playing-an-instrument/

Maybe he can sometimes play w/o headphones when you are not home?

[Anonymous]

Give me a break sally and help move the drums downstairs and chill TF out

[Anonymous]

Pick it up and move it downstairs. Get ear plugs. You will learn to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Percocet for you. Lessons for your DS

[Anonymous]

Oh, it's electric. He can use headphones while he plays.

[Anonymous]

Bad news, lady - clutter and noise are part of the deal when you have kids. I’m surprised you haven’t accepted this sad fact yet.

You should absolutely get him drum lessons as long as he is showing an interest. Shop around for cheaper lessons if you need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, it's electric. He can use headphones while he plays.

If he doesn't wear headphones he doesn't play.

[Anonymous]

See if his elementary school has a band program. Most start around 3rd or 4th grade, and are held in school at no cost to families other than the instruments. Your kid could learn at school on the school drums, then practice at home on his own kit.

After a year or so, if he enjoys it and he’s actually been willing to practice, you can work with DH to start saving or budgeting for private lessons in middle school.

[Anonymous]

I impulsively bought my son a drum set a year ago, but it was second hand super cheap, and we like music and had the space for it. Even knowing that, it is still a lot of nosie and clutter. My son was motivated to take lessons and we could afford them. However after a few months he switched to another instrument and now the drums are sort of collecting dust. If you can return the drums, I would. It does not sound like a good fit for your family. If you cannot return them, put it in the basement, and enforce lessons even if its youtube 10 minutes a day. See what happens. If he doesn't take to it, sell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, it's electric. He can use headphones while he plays.

If he doesn't wear headphones he doesn't play.

Then tell him he cannot play. It's called parenting. Take the cord, so the sound will not work and he only gets it back when he uses headphones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I impulsively bought my son a drum set a year ago, but it was second hand super cheap, and we like music and had the space for it. Even knowing that, it is still a lot of nosie and clutter. My son was motivated to take lessons and we could afford them. However after a few months he switched to another instrument and now the drums are sort of collecting dust. If you can return the drums, I would. It does not sound like a good fit for your family. If you cannot return them, put it in the basement, and enforce lessons even if it's youtube 10 minutes a day. See what happens. If he doesn't take to it, sell them.

On the flip side, I got my kid real drums and they've play for 8 years and going strong.