Class birthday party question: invitations and people who don't share contact info with school

[Anonymous]

My sons attend a neighborhood school. Our PTA has a parent directory that is optional. A lot of parents do not fill that out, so most of the teachers also have an optional Google document with parent/guardian email and cell phone information for class parties/playdates/etc. My son is in early elementary and invited the entire class to his party, plus his preschool friends. Since not all of the kids parents had their information public, we asked the teacher to send a flyer in the students' folders so that all the kids were invited. We have the party at our house which is walkable, plus on the neighborhood bus route and live walking distance to the metro (our neighborhood is between two metro stops). My son had a great party and at circle time, most of the class talked about it. My son felt so sad when students looked disappointed they did not attend and he said he could tell they didn't think they were invited. The teacher said "it was so nice of you to invite everyone in the class. The party is very casual. It's backyard cookout where the entire family is invited, the more the merrier style. We have old school games like an obstacle course, sack race and pinata. There is music, dancing, cake. I feel terrible that these kids think they weren't invited and I had told my son not to discuss the party at school. Do you find where you live that parents who aren't in the directory don't attend? I'm assuming that they didn't want their info shared as they don't want to be included? How do you approach this?

[Anonymous]

I think maybe there is a typo here...did the teacher not send home the flier?

"The teacher said "it was so nice of you to invite everyone in the class. The party is very casual. It's backyard cookout where the entire family is invited, the more the merrier style. We have old school games like an obstacle course, sack race and pinata. There is music, dancing, cake."

[Anonymous]

The teacher did send home the flier. I had emailed everyone who shared their info on the class list (20 out of 24 kids) and in the directory (same people). I had one kids' mom's info from last year that wasn't shared this year. I emailed them an Evite and then sent a flier of the Evite to everyone via the teacher.

[Anonymous]

If the teacher sent the flier home, then they were invited.

[Anonymous]

The kids are in first grade, so not everyone can read and maybe their parents didn't share with them that they were invited via the flier.

[Anonymous]

If you're getting this info from you first grade son, it's unreliable. (I am a first grade teacher.)

You and the teacher sent home the invites.

Parents got it and likely couldn't attend or didn't want to, and tossed it without mentioning it to Larla.

So when the kids talked about it as school, Larla thought she hadn't been invited. But she was.

The end.

[Anonymous]

The flier -- and the effort to invite everyone -- is very kind.

I think you did everything you could. In a couple of years, your child will shift to small parties with just a few friends. And hopefully you'll know the parents, whether they are in the directory or not.

[Anonymous]

Was the teacher leading a conversation about his party during circle time? That seems inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

In our school probably 80-90% of the parents opt into the school directory which is available on-line in Synergy.

When we had a party and the kids my children wanted to invite did not have a parent listing in the directory, I printed out a few invitations that said to please RSVP to my cell phone or email (both included). I put them in envelopes with those kids names on it and asked my kids to hand those invitations to those kids and tell them to take it home to their parents if they wanted to come to the birthday party. I know many kids forget about things to take home, but, IME, kids will remember an invitation to a birthday party of a friend they want to go and visit. Plus, the kids will know that they were invited because my kids tell them they are when they hand the invitation to them.

[Anonymous]

Most parents don't check folders. Their kids aren't going to give them the flier, and if they do, it will likely go in the trash.You did what you could. If there's an option to share contact information, and they didn't share it, it's on them if they miss birthday party invites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was the teacher leading a conversation about his party during circle time? That seems inappropriate.

I'm sure it was during share time that several kids mentioned it. It happens to all the time.

[Anonymous]

You are fine. I'm sure teacher sent the flyer. I'm just as sure that some parents did not bother to look at it.

[Anonymous]

Next time, if you want to, you could tell your kid to tell those kids whose parents do not have their contact info listed.

So Larlo would talk to Larlos, Larlio, and Larla about the upcoming party and that the invite is in the folder. So those kids have a better chance of telling their parents and making them look at the flyer.

[Anonymous]

this is not a real problem. everyone was invited you did all you could. even if you didn't that would have been ok too

[Anonymous]

My DD is in second grade and recently I declined an invitation she got for a whole-class party. I forgot to tell her that she was invited but that we couldn't go, so when kids were talking about it and she hadn't heard about it, she assumed she hadn't been invited. She was ok with that, and was actually more unhappy when I told her I'd declined (we had a conflict but she would have preferred the party!). Anyway, the point is, it's totally possible for some kids to have just not been aware of any of it until after it happened.