DD caught in the wrong crowd (drinking?)
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Anonymous
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I recently found out that DD, 12, went to a high school Halloween party with some of her friends. She had originally told me she was just going to her friend's neighborhood to trick-or-treat, but I now know she lied. I'm sure this party had alcohol, like your average high school party. Looking back, DD seemed a tiny bit loopy coming home, but I originally didn't even notice since I just thought she was tired from having a long night of trick-or-treating.
I have always had a bad gut feeling about DD's friends but always decided to keep this feeling to myself. DD is sweet and caring and I have never had any real issues about her before. I'm guessing she was pressured into this, but not entirely sure. DD does not know that I am aware of what went down, and I have no clue how to handle a conversation with her on this topic. I'm not entirely sure she did drink alcohol, so she might have just had an innocently-fun time at the party and I don't want to limit her socially if she is just making memories with her friends. Even so, she did lie to me in the first place so I am not sure what to do. |
Anonymous
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How did you find out and is source reliable?
What sort of high school party would welcome 12yos?! |
Anonymous
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Hi OP.
I have a 14 year old and my kid at age 12 (which was 6th grade for us) had gotten mixed up in the "fast" crowd. Time to start really paying attention. Verify where she's going. Call and ask the other parents. Look at where she's going on Find My. Start reading her text messages. Do not let her on Snapchat and if she's on it get her off of it. They will do a lot of milling around at this age and you have to set boundaries and know where they are going and who they are with. The drinking is certainly a thing and start having those conversations. But your bigger issue is your daughter is wandering around and you have no clue what she is doing and she's lying. It doesn't really matter if you never had any issues with her and she was "pressured into this". Same outcomes. Also, life isn't fair and the repercussions for this for a girl can be a lot worse than for a boy. Good luck. |
Anonymous
Also if she's on Tik Tok, follow her closely or get her off. They meet a lot of boys at other schools on that platform and then start meeting up with them in real life if you are in a densely populated area. They will walk pretty far to get to other kids and whatever they want to be doing. Oh and the sleepovers? They're sneaking out and wandering around in the middle of the night and meeting up with other kids. |
Anonymous
| You tell her she's grounded through the rest of the month because she lied and went to a party without permission. Then don't let her go anywhere except school and family events - nothing social. |
Anonymous
| So funny that you are looking to blame the friends and the party and not your own kid. |
Anonymous
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+1 to all the suggestions actually.
Grounded and off apps. At 12, I might even take phone away altogether. And track location when she gets privileges back |
Anonymous
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OP I would really look at your language here. DD "caught" in the wrong crowd. And "I'm guessing she was pressured into this, but not entirely sure."
This is a wakeup call. So wakeup. These thing are not happening to your daughter, she is doing them. Of course you have faith in her and the person your raised her to be. But this mindset that she's just along for the ride is dangerous for her and you. Talk to her about what's going on. Ask a lot of questions and really listen. |
Anonymous
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At 12 she still needs more monitoring that you are providing.
Also stop blaming circumstance or other kids- your DD is to blame. Period. That doesn’t mean she isn’t a sweet kid. But- she must take responsibility for her choices. Don’t make excuses or let her weasel out- this is a good learning opportunity and a chance to for you to set the tone going forward. Otherwise, next time it will be something even worse (but it was Larla’s idea mom!). Don’t even go there. |
Anonymous
| For reference, my DD is several years older (15) and would be grounded for attending that party without permission. That is before even delving into the alcohol issue. She generally needs to let me know where she is at all times (with some minor exceptions- places she knows are always ok and have been previously discussed ) and keep location tracking on. She would’ve been required to let me know she is changing plans/locations (certainly to attend a party at someone’s house in the evening) and ask permission. She is also required to keep location tracking on at all times and I do spot check. Similar rules for most of her friends. And these girls are 14-15, not 12. I’d tighten up rules quite a bit. |
Anonymous
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Right out of the gate...a bunch of 12 year olds were trick or treating alone (allegedly) and you didn't ever check and look and see where she was while trick or treating and zero parental involvement and supervision.
Oh no no no no. Life has gifted you a reality check OP and thank the universe this was a low-consequence situation and re-evaluate what you're doing. |
Anonymous
"I just found out you weren't trick or treating on Halloween with your friends like you said and were at a high school party. Tell me more about this." |
Anonymous
Can you imagine the costumes these girls wore to blend in and look mature? |
Anonymous
| A 12 year old at a high school party and DRINKING? There's so much wrong here. This is a red alert situation, IMO. |
Anonymous
This was my thought too. OP—you need to realize that, on some other thread, some other mom is posting about her DD falling into “the wrong crowd” who “talked her into” things too….and the “bad-influence” friends that mom is talking about is YOUR daughter. Open your eyes and allow for the possibility that your DD is doing what she doing of her own free will. This is who she is. Right now. And your job is to guide her into making different choices—not blame other kids. |