Not sick enough to need care...but need periodic wellness checks

[Anonymous]

Feeling a little overwhelmed, but knew this day would come. DH (age 55) has a chronic disease which we've lived with for 10 years. He has "outlived" his life expectancy twice and we feel very blessed. DH was in the hospital just before Thanksgiving. We had the hard conversations that this is the beginning of a decline. We do have generous friends and neighbors -- but I dont want to over rely on them, they have lives. No family in area - kid off at college. Kid offered to transfer closer to help -- very nice, but he also needs to begin to build his life.

Getting the medications right since DH has been home from the hospital has been challenge. He took the meds at the times as prescribed; made him a "zombie" to the point where he could barely feed himself, slowed speech (but still solved wordle . I came home from work and saw him this way and it was very scary. We changed up the timing of certain once a day meds which has helped, although lethargic at times...1000% improvement. I've been fortunate to work from home -- quiet time of year. I do need to start going in 2-3 days a week. DH is not sick enough to have someone assist on a "defined set schedule", not a danger to himself, can track his own meds, etc... It would be good to have someone stop by for "wellness checks" for an hour or so on the days when I go to the office. This will be an out of pocket expense as he is not "quite sick enough", but I would prefer (maybe not realistic) to go through an agency as he will need stepped up care in the coming years. I could be overthinking this....internet search was overwhelming. Any recommendations for an agency? Is what I am looking for not enough work for an agency to consider yet since DH is still doing OK? or should I just find a neighborhood high school kid to drop in and say "howdy" after school.

[Anonymous]

I would probably opt for a HS kid right now because you just want to make sure they’re ok. You could also (or instead) install home cameras so you can see that they’re ok.

[Anonymous]

I would put it out to the neighborhood network. There may be a nanny looking for extra hours, or a mom looking for a bit of a side job when the kids or in school. You could try advertising on Care.com.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry about this situation. However, facing daily the possibility of encountering an adult in medical crisis sounds like a lot to ask of a high school kid, as does being a “companion” to an unrelated middle aged man. I think you’ll have a hard time finding a kid who wants to do this and whose parents allow it. I wouldn’t have, to be honest.

Is there any possibility your work will work with you on a different schedule?

[Anonymous]

I would stop in 1-2 times a week if I was friends with my neighbors. Its ok to ask them if you are friends and would help them out too.

[Anonymous]

What country do you live in? Many in the area offer in-home aide services (although there's a waitlist) or can refer you to private home aides.
Social services at the hospital should also be able to give you referrals.

[Anonymous]

^^ county

[Anonymous]

OP here -- thanks for the insights. I did get on some wait lists-- I am glad i started this process no. I learned my church has a group that can help -- which is what I am going to start with for now. I worried about a HS kid stopping by. A neighbor "voluntold" her son to finish raking our leaves and they will make sure to take care of driveway in the winter if we get snow. I will pay him -- in food -- as she will not allow him to take money.

[Anonymous]

Definitely put it on the neighborhood listserv. My mom is a widow and my dad had a neurogenic disorder for years before he passed away 3 years ago. Slow decline and eventually she was his total caregiver. She is VERY familiar with what you describe. Anyways, she has 3-4 people that live nearby that she visits to "check up on" so that their spouse can be out of the house. One is someone my dad knew and my mom pops by twice a week with "food she made too much of" or "broken Christmas cookies" or some other excuse. Then she stays there for a couple hours just talking or watching TV or something similar and the spouse gets a little reprieve.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for the neighborhood listserv. We had a nanny, for instance, who also did geriatric care, and companionship care for people w/ Alzheimers. Someone like that, with a family that maybe has kids in school during the day, might be a great solution all around and could offer you the chance to build up hours as needed.

Or a retired person who would enjoy the company. Or a stay at home parent who would love to visit with an adult for a few hours a week. Etc...

I bet that if you put a message out on the listserv you'll find people who are happy to be social and don't even want to be paid. So you could line up many more care/support/visits than you need (which would be so smart and good for you!) and also really build your community.

People really do love to help their neighbors. I hope folks turn up for you.

And if it turns out that you're in my neighborhood we'll absolutely help!!

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is what neighbors are for. There are easily 4 couples in my neighborhood that would immediately offer up help. I’m sure others we are not even close to would also. And definitely utilize the church group — we are church people and they are so good at that stuff. If I were you, I would see what kind of schedule the church folks can do and then supplement (as needed from time to time) with kindly neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Check with your town's senior services. They may have resources or can refer you.

[Anonymous]

Most companies require a four hour minimum so I agree a local community page would be a good start. Maybe also contacting a dog walking service- I found one that would be willing to basically take my mom for a walk so I would imagine some might be willing to do a wellness check.

For the medications get Amazon Pillpack if you can- or CVS may have something similar. The meds are packaged by dose time and not by individual medication so all someone has to do is grab the morning or evening pouch and take all the meds in the pouch. That helped my mom be able to continue without additional help for about another year.

Good luck to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Is there a nursing school nearby? Perhaps a nursing student would need the extra money.

I agree this is not appropriate for a high school kid.

[Anonymous]

Task Rabbit?

(I have never used it. I would want a criminal background check for an adult)

Church or synagogue? SAHM with school age kids who needs extra $$