41 years old and still clueless about what to do with my life

[Anonymous]

This is painful and embarrassing to admit but ... I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I was a SAHM to two kids that are now getting older and in elementary. I find myself rather aimless during the day after I go to the gym and run errands. I am extremely blessed in that if I choose not to work, I don't have to (I have money independent of DH so I am not reliant on him or his salary.) But I do want to do more. I think I have a lot to offer, I have my masters, I have done the office job thing before but didn't love it (but does anyone?). I also wasn't excited about my career field before having kids which is why I gladly stayed home with them. Now I have to figure out what to do with my life - I am worried about being aimless and lost. I also feel it is silly at my age to go back to school and start from scratch at a new career. Have any of you been in my shoes or have ideas? And please go easy on me, I know I am lucky, but I also hate feeling empty. I do also currently volunteer and donate to causes close to my heart. Maybe this is the start of a midlife crisis? I hope not!

[Anonymous]

Have you considered substitute teaching? It’s definitely not an office job and you wouldn’t have to commit to every day.

[Anonymous]

I love my office job, just saying.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have any advice- you haven’t said anything that you enjoy or any skills other than having a masters (in what?).

I think this is a downside to having plenty of money (for some people). You are never forced to figure out what to do with your life, so you just sort of drift.
Anyway, how about picking a charity you enjoy and really lean into that?

[Anonymous]

I am missing out who is doing your housecleaning, cooking, paying bills, Xmas cards, planning kid parties, play dates, religious classes, sports, making kids lunches, helping kids homework, walking and feeding dog, managing house repairmen. kids dr appointments? My wife was busy in that 9-3 window everyday when kids in elementary school. If not a well deserved nap.

My wife when 41 and kids in elementary school did get bored being SAHM her answer was to have another baby at 42.

[Anonymous]

Very few people are fulfilled by their jobs. You can find meaning without going back to an office job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very few people are fulfilled by their jobs. You can find meaning without going back to an office job.

+1 most people who work do so because they need to. They aren't thinking about the job not being fulfilling but rather will this job pay enough to pay for my living expenses, college fund and retirement.

Your problem is rich people's problem.

Work at a charity that's close to your heart. Become a volunteer, and maybe join their board.

I knew a woman who lived off her trust fund. She got an easy degree, and just coasted around. Became an alcoholic, had a kid out of wedlock. On the flip side, I also knew a rich woman who volunteered at a charity that deals with family shelter (I used to also donate to this charity a lot as it was dear to me). She eventually became their CEO. I think she loves what she does. If I were rich like that I would also volunteer at those types of charities, ones that work with families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very few people are fulfilled by their jobs. You can find meaning without going back to an office job.

I think OP sounds like she could benefit from the structure and purpose of a job. I know many people who find meaning without a job, but it’s never a struggle like with OP. They naturally volunteer, find boards, fund-raise for their passion etc but never had to contemplate their meaning.

I also know many people who do not have to work financially but do so for purpose, structure and meaning. All types of jobs too. Childcare worker, Fed GS-13, attorney, entrepreneur etc.

OP you are in such a lucky position to try anything you want. If interested in kids, try substituting. If you have an artistic interest, volunteer there and then try to find a FT roll if you like it. If your office job was not exciting but you generally liked it, try finding a similar role at an org that is more dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Can you work or volunteer in museum or library/bookstore? It forces you out of the house and doesn’t take up your life.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all, this was very helpful. It seems the answer may be to lean more heavily into my volunteering but I always feel like there is a fine line between being helpful and becoming a bother because you want to be too much in their business, as someone who isn’t an actual employee. But maybe I should be more vocal about wanting a stronger role.
I find the story of the woman who went on to be the head of the nonprofit especially inspiring. I definitely want to work with less fortunate kids and families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very few people are fulfilled by their jobs. You can find meaning without going back to an office job.

I don’t find meaning in my job whatsoever, but I do really like (and need) the structure it provides. (I don’t really need the money.) I hate to say it, but volunteers don’t really get much respect, especially when it’s things like museum docents that are presumed to be older women looking for something to do. Even a small paycheck can feel somewhat gratifying. And a less than ideal job is easier to take when you know you can walk away anytime if things get really bad.

[Anonymous]

If you still like kids, get into teaching or therapy or nursing.
Use your skills. If you are planning to work until 65, a 2 year professional degree now is fine.

If you were really into homemaking, get into decorative design or cooking or whatever you liked and were good at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very few people are fulfilled by their jobs. You can find meaning without going back to an office job.

I don’t find meaning in my job whatsoever, but I do really like (and need) the structure it provides. (I don’t really need the money.) I hate to say it, but volunteers don’t really get much respect, especially when it’s things like museum docents that are presumed to be older women looking for something to do. Even a small paycheck can feel somewhat gratifying. And a less than ideal job is easier to take when you know you can walk away anytime if things get really bad.

But you are an older woman looking for something to do?

Obviously if you need money go get that bag, but otherwise volunteering is just donating your paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very few people are fulfilled by their jobs. You can find meaning without going back to an office job.

+1. I would think about any kind of work (paid or volunteering) as a means to an end. For example, maybe you feel lonely and want to interact with people more so many volunteer or work in an environment where you meet people but in a setting where they are happy (maybe volunteer at a winery). Or maybe you need physical activity so you could work or volunteer in some capacity that requires physical activity (my dad used to volunteer to do grounds work at this historic place near him). Or maybe you want to keep yourself mentally sharp so you work or volunteer in a problem-solving capacity. I think this one is going to be harder as a volunteer unless you are something like an attorney that can do pro bono work.

In any event, if I were you would only work/volunteer part time. Working full time sucks because you're on a schedule all day plus doing kid stuff at night so if you don't have to I wouldn't do it...I know I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

if you like the gym, maybe consider certifying in something you could teach there. Yoga, pilates, spin, body pump, etc.