Got together with HS friends and it was flat and forced

[Anonymous]

I feel sad. We have dinner every Thanksgiving weekend and are all in close touch throughout the year. I'm sort of the linchpin organizer. This year it felt low energy and forced, we ate quickly and everyone went their separate ways with no plans to meet up at Christmas as in years prior. It felt weird and off. I always relished having this legacy friend group but maybe I am
not so lucky. 😔

[Anonymous]

This happened to me recently with a long-loved group of friends. I think we all felt it.

If you want to keep this up, maybe plan an activity next year instead of dinner? Canvas painting with wine, axe-throwing, etc. That way there's something to talk about it. It's okay to have an off year. Doesn't mean it's all over.

[Anonymous]

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

+1

I love seeing and catching up with old friends, don't force it, OP. If you have nothing in common, let it go - it should not be a chore.

[Anonymous]

Maybe everyone was just tired this year, or dealing with other stressors. I wouldn’t write it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me recently with a long-loved group of friends. I think we all felt it.

If you want to keep this up, maybe plan an activity next year instead of dinner? Canvas painting with wine, axe-throwing, etc. That way there's something to talk about it. It's okay to have an off year. Doesn't mean it's all over.

Excellent idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe everyone was just tired this year, or dealing with other stressors. I wouldn’t write it off.

+1. Almost all of my friends are dealing with young kids and a seriously ill/dying parent. It’s stressful and it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Happened to us recently. Change of location and a few people have small kids which sucks the friend energy out of the room because parents are trying to watch their children and can't focus on friends. It's a phase. But requires maintenance.

[Anonymous]

I have two very close friends from grade school. During our early to mid 20s and then our early 30s, our friendship kind of took the back burner because of grad school and small kids. We are in our early 50s now and it’s a blast. We do trips together and it’s fun again. I say keep in touch with everyone and give the friendship space. There will be times in your lives that it will have not be in the forefront of day-to-day life.

[Anonymous]

This seems less about having stuff in common and more about something that has become less “fun” and more obligation. Like one pp mentioned, many of us are at an age where we have a lot of obligations and stressors. What may have been a fun annual tradition may have turned into “one more thing to do at Thanksgiving.” It doesn’t mean the friendships are fading, especially if you’re in touch throughout the year. Holidays can get stressful and overwhelming in those transitional years when family roles are changing.

[Anonymous]

As you get older, dinner can be harder to do around the holidays. People have obligations to SOs, children, extended family, have work to do as they are building careers, etc.

You might be better off scheduling drinks at a casual place over a number of hours, and emphasize that folks can come and go during any part of it as their schedule allows.

[Anonymous]

Most of you peaked in high school and just now realize it. Stop trying to relive the glory days and move on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of you peaked in high school and just now realize it. Stop trying to relive the glory days and move on!

Like…it’s dinner with longtime friends. What a strange comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two very close friends from grade school. During our early to mid 20s and then our early 30s, our friendship kind of took the back burner because of grad school and small kids. We are in our early 50s now and it’s a blast. We do trips together and it’s fun again. I say keep in touch with everyone and give the friendship space. There will be times in your lives that it will have not be in the forefront of day-to-day life.

This is my group. We always stayed in touch, but sometimes would go a few years without seeing each other. Now we meet up regularly and plan events and trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe everyone was just tired this year, or dealing with other stressors. I wouldn’t write it off.

+1 You're not all going to be at your best every year. But long term friendships are valuable. Def don't write it off.