4 yo tries to plan everything out; loses cool over it; how unusual?

[Anonymous]

Hops in the car after Pre-K and this ensues almost daily:

"I want to watch Bluey and eat an ice cream bar when we get home"
"We are going to grocery and I have another errand to run"
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

This is every day. He is offered very minimal screen time daily- 20 mins max. Is this behavior crazy unusual?

[Anonymous]

He's getting too much screen time. Cut back to 20 minutes max on the weekend. And, you talk first when he gets in the car. "Hi! We're going to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, and then home."

[Anonymous]

armchair psychologist* here: This is your child crying out for some level of control. He is tired. He feels out of control and wants to go home and relax/have mastery of his environment. Some is probably developmental and some is situational. Try to take him home and let him have mastery over whatever he can have, at least for a time. Or be clear that: on mondays we go to the grocery store, but we will do this plan on Tuesday (or whatever)
* I'm not a psychologist but play one on tv

[Anonymous]

He could have some elements of asd - I must stress that I don’t say this to scare you because increasingly they are finding that a huge number of kids have autistic traits. The ‘autism’ diagnosis happens when there are enough challenges to interfere with daily living. But some of the same lenses and therapeutic approaches can help any inflexible child.

[Anonymous]

He is probably tired after school and just wants to decompress after being "on" all day. I remember having intense meltdowns as a child when my parents or grandmother stopped to run errands after picking me up at school or the bus stop. I just wanted alone time and quiet and the grocery store certainly is not the place for that!

[Anonymous]

He's tired at the end of the day and wants to go home.

[Anonymous]

My son was and is like this. He hates surprises and loves schedules. He is not ASD but has aspie traits like most of my male relatives. Socializing is probably exhausting for him and if you can I'd shorten his time at care.

[Anonymous]

If he wants to plan, can you try to give him some scheduling info ahead of time for him to plan around? “Tomorrow, after I pick you up, we’ll go to the grocery store and while we’re there you can pick out an (apple, ice cream treat, etc.), and then we’ll make another quick stop before we head home. You might even ask if there’s something he wants to add to the schedule. I realize there’ll always be the chance for something unexpected to arise, but if it’s the exception instead of the rule, he might be able to cope better.

I understand and respect you wanting to limit screen time (although I didn’t, just controlled content) but 20 minutes is shorter than most TV shows. It may not matter with Bluey, which seems to have shorter episodes, but at some point you might want to consider 30 minutes at a time (or 1 episode’s worth if no commercials), even if you cut back on the frequency to compensate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:armchair psychologist* here: This is your child crying out for some level of control. He is tired. He feels out of control and wants to go home and relax/have mastery of his environment. Some is probably developmental and some is situational. Try to take him home and let him have mastery over whatever he can have, at least for a time. Or be clear that: on mondays we go to the grocery store, but we will do this plan on Tuesday (or whatever)
* I'm not a psychologist but play one on tv

NP. Armchair psychologist, you are good! I’m guessing that OP’s kid navigated his day by telling himself, “I’m so tired and don’t want to do activity x, but at least I can look forward to going home and watching bluey while clutching an ice cream cone”.

[Anonymous]

I also will cry if I can’t watch tv and eat what I want and zone out after a day of doing many things. This is normal human behavior.

[Anonymous]

At drop off, prepare him for an errand run at pickup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He could have some elements of asd - I must stress that I don’t say this to scare you because increasingly they are finding that a huge number of kids have autistic traits. The ‘autism’ diagnosis happens when there are enough challenges to interfere with daily living. But some of the same lenses and therapeutic approaches can help any inflexible child.

My DD’s rigidity emerged during this age. The diagnosis didn’t happen for 11 more years, exactly as PP described.

[Anonymous]

This is restraint collapse. The advice is give them 30 min of free time after you pick them up from school. I would take him to an ice cream shop or a playground and then do the errands. School is a lot of stress for a kid. He needs a break where he can be in his happy place.

[Anonymous]

This sounds more like a tired from school issue to me than a screen time issue. But you know your kid best.

Having young kids to go to school all day is really asking a lot. They can rise to the challenge and it’s just what we need to have two income families, but it would be madness to think it doesn’t have behavioral consequences. Maybe he needs more support at the end of the day. Quiet outdoor time, or something like that.

[Anonymous]

If you were really looking forward to something and someone came along and said, nope, we’re doing this unenjoyable activity instead, wouldn’t you be upset?