4 yo tries to plan everything out; loses cool over it; how unusual?

[Anonymous]

Autism / anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's getting too much screen time. Cut back to 20 minutes max on the weekend. And, you talk first when he gets in the car. "Hi! We're going to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, and then home."

20 minutes a week is an unjustified extreme limitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Autism / anxiety.

Maybe, I guess. But most 4 year olds need a rest and a snack after school. An errand is torture. The kid is just 4! I don’t get why people treat their kids like fully formed people around 3 or 4. I see it all the time and it baffles me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hops in the car after Pre-K and this ensues almost daily:

"I want to watch Bluey and eat an ice cream bar when we get home"
"We are going to grocery and I have another errand to run"
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

This is every day. He is offered very minimal screen time daily- 20 mins max. Is this behavior crazy unusual?

He's 4. Don't pick a fight. Stall, and give him a minute to forget his whim of the moment.

"Yes, you can watch Bluey and have an ice cream. We need to go to the store first so we have enough ice cream."

Also, consider letting him rest. between school and errands. Or run errands while he's at school. He's 4.

[Anonymous]

Bluey on the tablet in the car. Travel-friendly snack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also will cry if I can’t watch tv and eat what I want and zone out after a day of doing many things. This is normal human behavior.

I love your answer. I will cry, too. I just can't because I'm not 4. Why people expect something more from a child?

[Anonymous]

You just gave one example, but I don't think he tries to plan everything. He is probably saying what he wants to do at that moment. After a tiresome day at school, he wants to go home, relax, watch TV while eating an ice-cream bar. And you say no. His brain is not mature enough to understand or accommodate your reasons. So he cries.
Do you expect oneday he will say something like, "Of course, Mom. I am always happy to help you with the grocery." That is not going to happen. I think offering a bag of his favorite snack in the car will mitigate the situation. Of course you can go to test your son for ASD or anxiety. But keeping a bag of snack is a much cheaper solution.

[Anonymous]

Your title and your actual post do not quite go together. You have given no example of him losing it over everything. You have given one example as to what he wants to do after school and it is not unusual at all. People screaming autism and anxiety are psycho. I come home from work everyday and want to veg out on the sofa for thirty minutes before doing anything, with a cup of tea. Am I autistic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hops in the car after Pre-K and this ensues almost daily:

"I want to watch Bluey and eat an ice cream bar when we get home"
"We are going to grocery and I have another errand to run"
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

This is every day. He is offered very minimal screen time daily- 20 mins max. Is this behavior crazy unusual?

He's 4. Don't pick a fight. Stall, and give him a minute to forget his whim of the moment.

"Yes, you can watch Bluey and have an ice cream. We need to go to the store first so we have enough ice cream."

Also, consider letting him rest. between school and errands. Or run errands while he's at school. He's 4.

+1

Four can be a tough age for many kids - lots of development, lots of big feelings. It sounds like he’s tired after Pre-K and (good for him) knows what he wants to do to relax. That’s SO far from planning “everything out” as the thread title implies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:armchair psychologist* here: This is your child crying out for some level of control. He is tired. He feels out of control and wants to go home and relax/have mastery of his environment. Some is probably developmental and some is situational. Try to take him home and let him have mastery over whatever he can have, at least for a time. Or be clear that: on mondays we go to the grocery store, but we will do this plan on Tuesday (or whatever)
* I'm not a psychologist but play one on tv

I agree. I always let my kids control the music on the way to/from school. See if having a little more structure after school - and telegraphing in advance + little opportunities for control (you can listen to any bluey or disney song you want) helps. I let my three kids (btw 3-5) watch 30 minutes of tv a night (after dinner - while I clean up). This does not sound like a tv problem to me fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Just let him know what errands you have to do after school in the morning, and then ask him what he wants to do after that is done. Always try to let him know ahead of time what is planned, if you can. And mix in discussions and examples of how the plan might change, and what your plan B is. With kids with autism, we teach at school about plan A and plan B and they are both okay. It helps the rigid kids.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the problem is you.

He’s 4. He doesn’t want to run errands or go anywhere else after daycare. My well behaved, neurotypical kids were absolute nightmares if I had to run errands after picking them up. So I didn’t do it. If it was unavoidable, I made sure they had something to eat, and I broke out the double stroller so they could snack and chill.

My youngest needed that time through K. He would get off the bus, get some peanut butter crackers, and watch a 30 minute show. He was a new person after his little break.

TLDR: he’s telling you your way isn’t working for him. Try something else before you start labeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Autism / anxiety.

Ludicrous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hops in the car after Pre-K and this ensues almost daily:

"I want to watch Bluey and eat an ice cream bar when we get home"
"We are going to grocery and I have another errand to run"
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

This is every day. He is offered very minimal screen time daily- 20 mins max. Is this behavior crazy unusual?

He's 4. Don't pick a fight. Stall, and give him a minute to forget his whim of the moment.

"Yes, you can watch Bluey and have an ice cream. We need to go to the store first so we have enough ice cream."

Also, consider letting him rest. between school and errands. Or run errands while he's at school. He's 4.

+1

Four can be a tough age for many kids - lots of development, lots of big feelings. It sounds like he’s tired after Pre-K and (good for him) knows what he wants to do to relax. That’s SO far from planning “everything out” as the thread title implies.

+2 This and also try to let him know your plans well in advance so he can “plan” around them. Like if you know you need to run errands after pickup tell him during drop off so he isn’t surprised at the end of the day when he’s tired. I too don’t like itv when forces beyond my control upset my plans and do better with warning!

[Anonymous]

This kid doesn’t have autism or anxiety. He is 4. He needs more downtime than he is getting. This includes not having to keep his ish together for a grocery trip after school. Adjust accordingly.