Parenting (Mom) Overwhelm

[Anonymous]

What do you do when, as parents, you've divided up the must-be-dones and the pickup/dropoffs and the daily stuff, and you're a working mom, and it's still too much physically and emotionally? DH is an equal contributor, although, as is true for so many of us, the emotional labor and the tasks associated with that fall to mom. We both have demanding work--helloooo DC--but the balance is that both jobs offer flexibility. Still, I'm beyond spent.

Please don't tell me to hire out--not possible at this moment. And please, if you can, be gentle. I know that there are lots of helpful folks here on DCUM amidst the trolls. While we do have a few factors that push the limits (DD and DS are in different schools; DD's school isn't a quick drive (which we've alleviated with carpool, but still...) and she's in upper-level dance (which she loves and might want to pursue to professional level; also HS graduation isn't so far off)), there's not much to cut.

We'll trudge on with the schedule, so I suppose I'm asking whether those of you who have similar experiences have found anything helpful for when your self is so lost in all this. Have any of you squeezed in time for therapy--individual or group? Or what else made the difference to make the time for, for keeping your sanity?
TIA.

[Anonymous]

I feel this — I constantly feel like I’m just barely keeping all the balls in the air. I don’t have any good solution; I’m currently shorting myself on sleep to grab a bit of me time and I have to tell you that’s a terrible idea and I don’t recommend it at all. Just wanted to offer sympathy.

[Anonymous]

I use some of my leave from work on me. So once every other month (ideally), I take a day off and do things like a haircut or doctors appt but then spend the afternoon doing whatever I want. It helps keep on top of admin stuff and helps with burnout.

Also, friends. The kids won’t be here forever so I work hard to keep my friends so that I have my own life (now and when I am an empty nester).

[Anonymous]

I take one day off a quarter to do whatever the eff I want. This quarter I took myself out to SoulCycle, then a pedicure and the Taylor Swift movie (and sprung for the fancy movie theater with cocktails). That helps with the burnout. Tomorrow my office is closed, my husband will log off at 1, and we’ll do a date lunch before grabbing the kids at daycare.

[Anonymous]

I became a SAHM and that solution worked for me, my family and my kids.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids, how many do you have? What does your week look like?

I have a 3, 7 and 9 year old. In the fall we have activities every day of the week (literally). Thankfully we take a break during the winter and I can recharge by huddling inside the house when its cold and dark out. Then once spring hits we are back to activities every day of the week.

I have a very flexible job and work from home. DH works hybrid 3 days in/2 days at home at a job that is around 60-80 hours a week. So during the week all driving is on me. During the weekend he is able to help and we divide and conquer where needed. I also have a very good group of mom/dads that I have become friends with for both my older kids so we carpool and do playdates together. Helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I use some of my leave from work on me. So once every other month (ideally), I take a day off and do things like a haircut or doctors appt but then spend the afternoon doing whatever I want. It helps keep on top of admin stuff and helps with burnout.

Also, friends. The kids won’t be here forever so I work hard to keep my friends so that I have my own life (now and when I am an empty nester).

+1. This is the answer.

[Anonymous]

I also highly recommend not having a third kid.

[Anonymous]

Work less. DH and I both work 3 days a week. This gives us each time for self care and maintaining our home. We eat as a family for breakfasts and dinners, even with teen nighttime sports practices.

[Anonymous]

For me it feels like I’m a car and the low fuel light went on like 50 miles ago and I’m still running on fumes. My tank is so completely depleted.

Or it reminds me of that story about how parenting is like jumping out of a plane with a bunch of little kids and you are free falling and putting their little parachutes on them and then can’t put on your own and you hit the ground. Except you don’t die. And now it’s time to make dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I use some of my leave from work on me. So once every other month (ideally), I take a day off and do things like a haircut or doctors appt but then spend the afternoon doing whatever I want. It helps keep on top of admin stuff and helps with burnout.

Also, friends. The kids won’t be here forever so I work hard to keep my friends so that I have my own life (now and when I am an empty nester).

+1. This is the answer.

+2

I was so burnt out that I took all Fridays in October off from work and it helped way more than I anticipated it would. You have leave for a reason and "demanding" jobs or no, you need time off. Ultimately, people who can step away and recover are usually more productive overall, because they have more to give. You can't pour from an empty cup.

[Anonymous]

I used to outsource and eventually I stayed home. I have 3 kids and Dh has a very demanding and also high paying job.

I see my friends in your situation take a day off for themselves. I never did this. I would never burn a vacation day to do nothing. I have one friend who seems to have a ton of PTO. Her kids are busy and family vacations are less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Work less. DH and I both work 3 days a week. This gives us each time for self care and maintaining our home. We eat as a family for breakfasts and dinners, even with teen nighttime sports practices.

This is funny, impossible for most, wish it was me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it feels like I’m a car and the low fuel light went on like 50 miles ago and I’m still running on fumes. My tank is so completely depleted.

Or it reminds me of that story about how parenting is like jumping out of a plane with a bunch of little kids and you are free falling and putting their little parachutes on them and then can’t put on your own and you hit the ground. Except you don’t die. And now it’s time to make dinner.

I legit LOL'd. I've never heard this story but I think it's probably appropriate for about half these threads in parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work less. DH and I both work 3 days a week. This gives us each time for self care and maintaining our home. We eat as a family for breakfasts and dinners, even with teen nighttime sports practices.

This is funny, impossible for most, wish it was me!

I wish it was me too! Actually if I’m wishing impossible wishes, I mostly wish my current job only expected me to work 4 hours a day. That would be ideal.