how to talk about this / is it changable or just a very extroverted personality
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Anonymous
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for context we are on our 3rd nanny (one we moved away from, the next had her own baby after a couple years with us - both were very successful relationships and we keep in close touch, so i'm not a newbie to nannies)
we recently had a new nanny start with us who overall seems great. she came into this position knowing that a couple hours a day would be us tag teaming the kids (3 kids ages 1 - 5) versus a job where we only see each other briefly at morning / night. She's worked closely with a mom before so isn't new to this setup. however - every convo I have with my kids around her, she starts inserting herself into as well. examples are i'll be reading one a book at the breakfast table when she arrives in the morning with kid asking me questions about it and she'll start tying it back to other things they did yesterday, answering the questions etc (she knows i'm not trying to get up from table / leave kids immediately). or when I get home with my oldest and we come in talking about his day and his homework and she'll start asking him questions at the same time I am. This aren't great examples - but in general its that every single convo i'm having with own of my kids around her, she has to become part of. this isn't a matter of "i want nanny to fade into background when i'm there" - i'd be annoyed if DH started taking over every convo too and it'd also feel very weird to me if I jumped into every one nanny is having with one of the kids. I just want some space to have a convo with my kid without her taking it over. Is there any way to say this in a way that would make sense to her? she's super extraverted so there's definitely a chance she just can't help herself even if she's aware. |
Anonymous
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I think it's changable with coaching. But, for wht it;s worth , I also think it's okay to want her to fade into the background when you are there, and a great nanny will know how to do this. She is probably trying to prove her eagerness. Culture may factor in as well (I say this as a person who has only had nannies overseas, where nannies are supposed to either 1) fade or 2) the mother shouldn't have to bother whatsoever with the kid and if the nanny ISN"T inserting herself, she's not doing a good job)
but i don't knolw how to address it other than directly, maybe others have hints |
Anonymous
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You seem insecure and threatened about hiring someone to take care of your kids.
Tell her to go relax in another room until you leave. |
Anonymous
Oh, give me a break, you do not. OP, ignore this person. I completely understand what yu mean. Some people just like to make others feel bad about their care choices |
Anonymous
| You hired her to interact with your children, which she’s doing. |
Anonymous
No, she is interrupting, which is rude in any nonemergency situation. When the kids are busy, I would ask her to please let you/DC have these conversations without interruption. |
Anonymous
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Just directly tell her you don't want to be interrupted by anyone when talking to the kids unless necessary?
Any normal adult should undestand. |
Anonymous
I am a Nanny and if my boss told me this directly I would just walk out! This is just rude! OP - if this is the worst thing you can say about your Nanny then be grateful + thank your lucky ✨ stars for you have someone who is definitely worth her weight in pure gold. I would be blessed to have someone in my child’s life who was so engaged & interested. You have plenty of time to speak one on one w/your child when the Nanny is not there. |
Anonymous
This (and yes, I’ve employed a nanny myself). OP, I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from: You want her to be silent until you’ve invited her to join in conversations? |
Anonymous
| Criticizing someone’s personality should be a last resort. Don’t do it unless it’s harmful. |
Anonymous
| I am a nanny, and I would quit on the spot if basically told to shut up. Also, parents, know that lots of times we burst with excitement, wanting to tell you something wonderful about your kids, what they did or said, or about t their day, to share something we think is just exciting for you as it is for us, and often you do not even listen, or show any enthusiasm! That is a bit discouraging, and now when I read OP post, I see that lots of parents just do not get it. |
Anonymous
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I'm a mom and was a nanny. I would quit.
Just ask her to come later when you are the door and leave. So there, you have private personal space .... |
Anonymous
+1 I understand exactly what OP means because my MIL does the same thing and she’s not an employee I can ask to change to suit my preferences. |
Anonymous
Children “burst with excitement,” adults do not. I was a camp counselor and a nanny for years, and while I always loved sharing updates with parents, I didn’t “burst” to do so. I talked to them, I read the room, I found the right moment. Interrupting is rude, and I always taught my kids not to interrupt. Why would I model that it’s OK for an adult to interrupt another adult? And by the way, “showing enthusiasm” does not equal “be thrilled to be interrupted.” |
Anonymous
| You sound very controlling. |