What constitutes dating in middle school?

[Anonymous]

My 12y DD has had a crush on this one boy for about 6 months, and apparently, according to his friends, he's going to ask DD out next week. My oldest (15) never dated in middle school, so I don't know what to expect here. He's invited her to a couple of local and school events in the past, but nothing too much like a real date. I've talked to DD already about bad relationships, what to look for in a partner, and what's appropriate at this age. How will their relationship change now that they will be dating? I've heard of kids getting quite physical with one another at DD's school. I just don't really know what to expect. Will they want to go on "dates" (like to the mall or movies) and should I tag along? What are everyone else's kids doing in regards to relationships at this age?

[Anonymous]

We laugh and say kids don't date in middle school. Because parents don't allow it. Don't be a weirdo.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. Likely just hanging out at school, public places that she'll need to be driven to (by you) and maybe hanging out at his or your house where you can set some strict ground rules. They'll talk, hold hands and kiss. A LOT. Whether you tag along at a distance or not is up to you and what you're comfortable with, at least until you get to know the guy... and it'll be very short lived relationship.

I'd focus more on not letting someone pressure her to do anything and that real consent is when both parties are on the same page, not to achieve a "yes." Set the bar high but lay it out that it should be on her terms whether it be a kiss or holding hands or anything. I wouldn't get caught up in specifics of physicality and make blanket rules that frankly don't work and please don't slut shame her.

If you are going to the movies with them and sitting a few rows away, sit behind them, not in front.

[Anonymous]

With my kids and their friends at that age, dating means someone asks someone to be their BF or GF and then it’s mostly just texting or an occasional FaceTime. They rarely go anywhere. In middle school they hung out with groups at the mall or out to lunch or Starbucks. Parents did not tag along but it wasn’t one on one.

[Anonymous]

Kids can and do get pregnant at this age. I would set expectations with your DD now about what is and is not good for her to do at this point in life

[Anonymous]

Ummm. Hello, MOTHER??

OP why are you so afraid of your child? You do realize that you set the rules here, don’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Likely just hanging out at school, public places that she'll need to be driven to (by you) and maybe hanging out at his or your house where you can set some strict ground rules. They'll talk, hold hands and kiss. A LOT. Whether you tag along at a distance or not is up to you and what you're comfortable with, at least until you get to know the guy... and it'll be very short lived relationship.

I'd focus more on not letting someone pressure her to do anything and that real consent is when both parties are on the same page, not to achieve a "yes." Set the bar high but lay it out that it should be on her terms whether it be a kiss or holding hands or anything. I wouldn't get caught up in specifics of physicality and make blanket rules that frankly don't work and please don't slut shame her.

If you are going to the movies with them and sitting a few rows away, sit behind them, not in front.

please stop. you don't actually know what "they are going to kiss a lot" or that "it will be a very short live relationship". you are not a guest from the future. you don't know any of this.

[Anonymous]

Um yeah, OP. My DD is 13 and has a crush and tells everyone she has a BF but mostly they FT and see each other at school. We monitor texts and say hi when we see him on FT. No real dates bc she’s in middle school and we don’t allow her to date in middle school. You’re allowed to set the rules you’re comfortable with. Don’t let your kid tell you what’s up.

[Anonymous]

what is FT?

[Anonymous]

facetime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12y DD has had a crush on this one boy for about 6 months, and apparently, according to his friends, he's going to ask DD out next week. My oldest (15) never dated in middle school, so I don't know what to expect here. He's invited her to a couple of local and school events in the past, but nothing too much like a real date. I've talked to DD already about bad relationships, what to look for in a partner, and what's appropriate at this age. How will their relationship change now that they will be dating? I've heard of kids getting quite physical with one another at DD's school. I just don't really know what to expect. Will they want to go on "dates" (like to the mall or movies) and should I tag along? What are everyone else's kids doing in regards to relationships at this age?

you sound like a curious spectator, not a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Likely just hanging out at school, public places that she'll need to be driven to (by you) and maybe hanging out at his or your house where you can set some strict ground rules. They'll talk, hold hands and kiss. A LOT. Whether you tag along at a distance or not is up to you and what you're comfortable with, at least until you get to know the guy... and it'll be very short lived relationship.

I'd focus more on not letting someone pressure her to do anything and that real consent is when both parties are on the same page, not to achieve a "yes." Set the bar high but lay it out that it should be on her terms whether it be a kiss or holding hands or anything. I wouldn't get caught up in specifics of physicality and make blanket rules that frankly don't work and please don't slut shame her.

If you are going to the movies with them and sitting a few rows away, sit behind them, not in front.

please stop. you don't actually know what "they are going to kiss a lot" or that "it will be a very short live relationship". you are not a guest from the future. you don't know any of this.

Lol okay. Forbid everything. Throw the bible at them. This was my best friend's parents growing up and she got pregnant in HS and I waited until college while my parents openly discussed sex. But go ahead and try to control your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Likely just hanging out at school, public places that she'll need to be driven to (by you) and maybe hanging out at his or your house where you can set some strict ground rules. They'll talk, hold hands and kiss. A LOT. Whether you tag along at a distance or not is up to you and what you're comfortable with, at least until you get to know the guy... and it'll be very short lived relationship.

I'd focus more on not letting someone pressure her to do anything and that real consent is when both parties are on the same page, not to achieve a "yes." Set the bar high but lay it out that it should be on her terms whether it be a kiss or holding hands or anything. I wouldn't get caught up in specifics of physicality and make blanket rules that frankly don't work and please don't slut shame her.

If you are going to the movies with them and sitting a few rows away, sit behind them, not in front.

please stop. you don't actually know what "they are going to kiss a lot" or that "it will be a very short live relationship". you are not a guest from the future. you don't know any of this.

Lol okay. Forbid everything. Throw the bible at them. This was my best friend's parents growing up and she got pregnant in HS and I waited until college while my parents openly discussed sex. But go ahead and try to control your daughter.

indeed. it's called parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Likely just hanging out at school, public places that she'll need to be driven to (by you) and maybe hanging out at his or your house where you can set some strict ground rules. They'll talk, hold hands and kiss. A LOT. Whether you tag along at a distance or not is up to you and what you're comfortable with, at least until you get to know the guy... and it'll be very short lived relationship.

I'd focus more on not letting someone pressure her to do anything and that real consent is when both parties are on the same page, not to achieve a "yes." Set the bar high but lay it out that it should be on her terms whether it be a kiss or holding hands or anything. I wouldn't get caught up in specifics of physicality and make blanket rules that frankly don't work and please don't slut shame her.

If you are going to the movies with them and sitting a few rows away, sit behind them, not in front.

please stop. you don't actually know what "they are going to kiss a lot" or that "it will be a very short live relationship". you are not a guest from the future. you don't know any of this.

Lol okay. Forbid everything. Throw the bible at them. This was my best friend's parents growing up and she got pregnant in HS and I waited until college while my parents openly discussed sex. But go ahead and try to control your daughter.

so your friend had religious parents and got pregnant in high school. therefore, every middle school girl wants to kiss a lot with a boy they are briefly dating and parents can't to anything about it. such a plethora of experience on this topic. i would definitively listen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Likely just hanging out at school, public places that she'll need to be driven to (by you) and maybe hanging out at his or your house where you can set some strict ground rules. They'll talk, hold hands and kiss. A LOT. Whether you tag along at a distance or not is up to you and what you're comfortable with, at least until you get to know the guy... and it'll be very short lived relationship.

I'd focus more on not letting someone pressure her to do anything and that real consent is when both parties are on the same page, not to achieve a "yes." Set the bar high but lay it out that it should be on her terms whether it be a kiss or holding hands or anything. I wouldn't get caught up in specifics of physicality and make blanket rules that frankly don't work and please don't slut shame her.

If you are going to the movies with them and sitting a few rows away, sit behind them, not in front.

please stop. you don't actually know what "they are going to kiss a lot" or that "it will be a very short live relationship". you are not a guest from the future. you don't know any of this.

Lol okay. Forbid everything. Throw the bible at them. This was my best friend's parents growing up and she got pregnant in HS and I waited until college while my parents openly discussed sex. But go ahead and try to control your daughter.

indeed. it's called parenting.

Control over educating is parenting? Is this most parents that have no trust in their daughters' abilities to make decisions and not get too physical? Yeah Sounds like a healthy and open relationship.

Forbidding dating doesn't prevent it. If this boy asks out OPs daughter she's going to say yes regardless if her mom "forbids" it.