New long distance relationship situational advice
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Anonymous
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Looking for real advice, not the bs about ignoring women or alpha male behaviors or hypergamy. Those things may be real if you’re trying to up your “game”, but I’m not sure it applies here.
Tl;DR - looking for guidance on the signals given over text. I met a girl, in person, not internet, we really clicked, met again in person, have had some long exchanges since. Made plans. She has discussed a lot with me, and I’ve listened. I’ll note here that the “relationship” is long distance after our first few encounters, so this may factor in. She has had some depression and trauma (health related, not physical abuse or such things), but we havent discussed that in detail yet. So we jived well, started talking plans, about next meetups by text (due to our schedules being a bit off, over time zones), good equal back and forth. In the last week, it went from that, to a heart (note a heart, not a thumbs up) for much of our back and forth, to nothing. I’ve only texted twice over multiple days with no reply but a read receipt. I’m trying to avoid looking needy or overdoing things. I know I can read into things more than I should. I know it could mean nothing. She is smart and independent, so I recognize it also could be because until we’re going to actually meet again, daily banter maybe isn’t her thing…. So what’s the play here? Does replying with a heart vs a thumbs up not really imply anything? Does the time investment she made mean anything? I know this is anonymous internet, nobody has to believe me, but I didn’t make any weird or cringy statements in the last texts. I work an outward facing job and know how to interact with people and the differences between engaging and being needy, weird, etc. You don’t have to believe me, but I firmly believe it’s not “me” in terms of some odd behavior or bad statement. So I mentioned her facing depression and trauma. I also recognize some work stress she shared. And I also recognize that every human is different, so what any one person says may be different than what is going on in her life. But I’m hoping that someone can give some well-reasoned opinions here. It could be nothing, and she’s super busy. I do hesitate to call at this point, and I will give her space, not text endlessly. But I’m hoping for some third party reads and advice on the situation. Does responding to my comments with hearts vs thumbs up mean much? Does her giving me the same quality of texting, sometimes more, and also long verbal responses mean anything? Hoping for guidance. Thanks for your help! |
Anonymous
| 👍❤️ thoughts? |
Anonymous
| This sounds exhausting and not worth the effort. |
Anonymous
| Give it a few days and then call her. It's easier to sense how someone's feeling when you talk vs texting them. |
Anonymous
OP here. I’d say there’s a difference. I get all hearts. |
Anonymous
I’m probably just too wordy. There’s really no effort. Maybe lots of reading into things on my part. But that’s my analytical nature I guess. We talked. We texted. She tells me much. And then disappear. One thing I’ve been thinking about is if she has some depression, some prior trauma, maybe has anxious thoughts. I don’t want to trigger anything bad or make her concerned about getting back. But of course, while I totally respect her personality, professionalism, and energy, I don’t want to get into the friend zone of course… |
Anonymous
| She is seeing other men. |
Anonymous
Possibly. So the hearts are keeping options open by trying to keep me connected? |
Anonymous
The distance is an issue, and yes. |
Anonymous
| The heart is an emoji. I wouldn't read too much into it either way. I can't imagine trying to hold a relationship over text. |
Anonymous
TBH from what I know of her, see on social media, etc, I’m not sure she is seeing anyone. The distance is possibly an issue. But why send hearts and then ghost me? Granted she may not really be ghosting me. It’s only been a few days. I own that side of the thought process - overthinking is on me. I appreciate your insights. |
Anonymous
| Try not to come across as needy. Stop texting her. |
Anonymous
It’s not trying to have a relationship over text. It’s just that because of work and time zone differences we don’t always align. And, it’s still very new. Yes it’s an emoji. But there’s a thumbs up. There’s also a no response. That’s why it’s a bit odd. Lots of interactions but then nothing. Again could be reading into it too much. And yes, distance could be a factor. But I’d think that as well as we communicate, she would say it. She’s pretty well grounded and independent as far as I can see. |
Anonymous
Op here. That is my plan. Ball is in her court. I have a very good social capability from a professional perspective. But relationships are a different beast. Was hoping the hearts meant something versus thumbs up…. But maybe I didn’t get the message thus the non-response. It’s only been twice so I’m stopping so it’s not excessive. Don’t want to be in the friend zone, but if we stay friends, I’d be happy and respect that. |
Anonymous
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Since it is early in the relationship, try not to analyze too much. She may have been into it at first, and now has cooled off a little recently, for whatever reason…she didn’t feel as interested in you, or her trauma is holding her back, or she met another person, or she’s stressed, or or or. So many possibilities.
Try not to think about it. Distract yourself for the next 2 days. Then send her a very light just saying hey. If she responds you can go from there. But there’s a good chance she might not, & that is how it goes. |