DH to me “are you don’t yet”

[Anonymous]

I don’t know about you but that has got to be the most condescending and disrespectful thing you can say to a partner. Especially when DH wasn’t being attacked. We had an issue today with one of our children and I asked him if he could commit to a plan with me to address the situation. He said yeah I’ll think about it. But I pressed him a little more asking if he could commit to a timeframe of when we could realistically sit down a create a plan - for the plan….

He kept being so dismissive of me, rolling his eyes and saying are you done, what else. I felt like at that point, saying anything else was a total waste of energy because I was talking to a wall.

I was trying to close the conversation but expected that we could at least make a commitment to when we could come back to this issue to begin to address it.

He’s said this to me throughout our relationship and I’ve been in therapy for a while now and I communicated my needs during that conversation and also my need to not be disrespected by my partner. He still rolled his eyes.

What’s next? This is our main issue but I feel pretty strongly that I don’t want my partner to continue to do that to me. I know part of the problem stems from his own anxiety. He wants to focus on doing the physical things for our family like washing the dishes but forget if we need to talk through something with for our family.

We know the problem, we know the solution but he’s not willing to make the time to work on himself to help us.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried couples counseling?

If he has anxiety and is trying to exit the conversation, maybe walk away and come back later after he’s cooled down and has more time to come to terms with this. It sounds like you both have anxiety in different directions. Like you want his response immediately, on the spot, because you don’t want to have to follow up, and he can’t do that while he has other things on his mind.

Another idea is to email. Keep it very brief and no narrative.

[Anonymous]

I"m very confused. What does "are you don't yet?" mean? What was the context? You are very emotional and not making any sense.

[Anonymous]

I see what he's up against

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I"m very confused. What does "are you don't yet?" mean? What was the context? You are very emotional and not making any sense.

She obviously meant "are you done yet."

[Anonymous]

Sometimes conversations can’t get to a resolution. Because you’re both tired, bc the thing is stupid, bc you’re both triggered, whatever.

Give it a day & come back to it, together - & say what do we need to do to get this gone from our lives. That is what I find, after a nights sleep we can usually agree on something & move forward.

[Anonymous]

You asked and got answer. He said "let me think about". Coming back later in the day or the next day and saying "have you give this any thought" would have been fine. And at that point if said "no" then maybe bring up your desire for time to plan for the plan.

He shut down because he answered you and you kept going which means you don't care about his input. You already had something in mind and were trying to run with it then. You made it clear to him that there really wasn't a need to have a conversation so he chose not to have a conversation.

[Anonymous]

“Commit to a plan” and most of your tone sounds like a business interaction. If my DH talked to me like a coworker, I would also roll my eyes. Maybe that’s the issue?

[Anonymous]

Can you proceed without him?

[Anonymous]

Following - same problem here, including anxiety manifesting in different ways. There is no actual coming back to things either unless I press.

[Anonymous]

Honestly it doesn’t sound like you’re listening to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I"m very confused. What does "are you don't yet?" mean? What was the context? You are very emotional and not making any sense.

She obviously meant "are you done yet."

Yes it's obvious what the title was before autocorrect.
I thought it was about sex.

[Anonymous]

The rolling of the eyes is a nonstarter. It’s immature at best and signals contempt at worst. Neither of those are healthy for a relationship.

He needs some replacement responses. The eye rolling has to be shut down. “You don’t have to like or agree with what I’m saying, but you don’t get to be disrespectful to me with the eye rolling. I didn’t sign up for that.”

Get into couples counseling so that a third party can help you both get in and out of these conversations. He needs a way to signal that he’s heard you and will come back to the discussion, and you need to practice ending it and not trying to get in a last word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Commit to a plan” and most of your tone sounds like a business interaction. If my DH talked to me like a coworker, I would also roll my eyes. Maybe that’s the issue?

This. You treat your husband like a bad, overbearing manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Commit to a plan” and most of your tone sounds like a business interaction. If my DH talked to me like a coworker, I would also roll my eyes. Maybe that’s the issue?

This. You treat your husband like a bad, overbearing manager.

+1. Pressing to commit to a plan to plan the plan. Omg.