At what point do you stop walking on eggshells? Is this ASD?

[Anonymous]

DC diagnosed with ADHD and we have built our home life around them and their preferences. They explode at random things. Right now it was because I asked them to leave the bathroom for the fifth time so their sibling could use it and apparently had an irritated tone they exploded. DC had been in there for 1.5 hours and we have had numerous conversations over years about not being in the bathroom that long because it's a shared bath. They screamed and said you are such a expletive expletive, what is wrong with you for 10 minutes. This was just a little explosion and it usually involves breaking things.

DC is 16 so you would think we would have managed to address this successfully by now but it continues. I know the first questions are going to be are they medicated, do they have a therapist and have they done other kinds of social skill or other therapies, have they had a neurospych. The answer is yes they have been through everything. We have been at this more than a decade and I am exhausted. I dream of having a peaceful home where I don't have to tiptoe waiting for the next explosion.

Does this sound like ASD to anyone? DC was evaluated and the evaluator said no ASD but could they be wrong. Have you seen ADHD with such severe reactions?

[Anonymous]

So sorry. Sounds like something more than just ADHD. Have you done a full battery of testing?

[Anonymous]

My DC has OCD and explosive behavior is definitely part of that. What does your DS do in the bathroom during that time? My DC spent hours in a shared bathroom and was washing excessively and trying not to touch things that other family members had touched. Interrupting that process would íncite serious rage. I thought I would mention this since it rang a bell for me.

[Anonymous]

My DC does that. He has a diagnosis of ASD, ADHD and GAD - I think it is the anxiety that causes the explosions and is why we walk on eggshells.

Fwiw, ADHD meds have helped his anxiety and reduced the explosions. They are occasional now instead of frequent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC does that. He has a diagnosis of ASD, ADHD and GAD - I think it is the anxiety that causes the explosions and is why we walk on eggshells.

Fwiw, ADHD meds have helped his anxiety and reduced the explosions. They are occasional now instead of frequent.

^ Adding, I could be wrong and it could be the combination of some or all of the diagnoses that is the cause of his explosions. Additionally, he sometimes will have rituals and OCD has crossed our minds before. But we have been pleasantly surprised by the effect of the ADHD meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC does that. He has a diagnosis of ASD, ADHD and GAD - I think it is the anxiety that causes the explosions and is why we walk on eggshells.

Fwiw, ADHD meds have helped his anxiety and reduced the explosions. They are occasional now instead of frequent.

^ Adding, I could be wrong and it could be the combination of some or all of the diagnoses that is the cause of his explosions. Additionally, he sometimes will have rituals and OCD has crossed our minds before. But we have been pleasantly surprised by the effect of the ADHD meds.

Just FYI, current thought is to treat any OCD first, because ADHD meds can make it worse. Rituals are a red flag. As for explosions, I have them when I'm prevented from performing compulsions. Definitely another red flag.

[Anonymous]

my ASD child does not behave like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC diagnosed with ADHD and we have built our home life around them and their preferences. They explode at random things. Right now it was because I asked them to leave the bathroom for the fifth time so their sibling could use it and apparently had an irritated tone they exploded. DC had been in there for 1.5 hours and we have had numerous conversations over years about not being in the bathroom that long because it's a shared bath. They screamed and said you are such a expletive expletive, what is wrong with you for 10 minutes. This was just a little explosion and it usually involves breaking things.

DC is 16 so you would think we would have managed to address this successfully by now but it continues. I know the first questions are going to be are they medicated, do they have a therapist and have they done other kinds of social skill or other therapies, have they had a neurospych. The answer is yes they have been through everything. We have been at this more than a decade and I am exhausted. I dream of having a peaceful home where I don't have to tiptoe waiting for the next explosion.

Does this sound like ASD to anyone? DC was evaluated and the evaluator said no ASD but could they be wrong. Have you seen ADHD with such severe reactions?

Have you and your spouse received any therapy and/or skills training on how to manage a really difficult child? It doesn't seem like it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my ASD/PDA child

[Anonymous]

It could be ASD. But then what? Autism is not really addressed with meds. You are still walking on eggshells & getting some therapy to help where you can.

From my experience, it doesn’t really matter if it is ASD. You can work on the symptoms with or without the diagnosis.

Just throwing that out there, getting an ASD diagnosis has not changed anything at home. It has gotten different supports at school.

[Anonymous]

They seem used to being catered to and don't like when they don't get their way.

I would get into family therapy ASAP as you other child likely needs it more than the explosive one.

[Anonymous]

My autistic child is more explosive over demands when his anxiety isn't sufficiently controlled. Have you mentioned these incidents to his psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They seem used to being catered to and don't like when they don't get their way.

I would get into family therapy ASAP as you other child likely needs it more than the explosive one.

+1. It’s easier to build life around the challenging child, but it’s not fair to them because the world will not do that when they go to college, etc.

Family therapy has been life changing for our family, and my ASD kid has had violent outbursts, tantrums, and explosive behavior previously.

You don’t say when the neuropsych eval was, but you might want to consider updating it so they can get a more accurate dx now and also for college accommodations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be ASD. But then what? Autism is not really addressed with meds. You are still walking on eggshells & getting some therapy to help where you can.

From my experience, it doesn’t really matter if it is ASD. You can work on the symptoms with or without the diagnosis.

Just throwing that out there, getting an ASD diagnosis has not changed anything at home. It has gotten different supports at school.

This is my thought too. Spend the $5k on family therapy and/or parent training - you have to stop accommodating the inflexibility and cultivate flexibility. This is hard, and it’s so understandable that things wound up here, but you’re right this is unsustainable for everyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, your child's meds need to be re-adjusted. This does not sound like someone who is on a more or less correct mix of meds.