Do you find it harder to make new friends when you're 50+?

[Anonymous]

Especially female friends.

I'm 55 and I've found the last 5 years much harder to make new female friends than before.

It feels like everyone already has an established friends circle.

Making surface level acquaintances is easy but the transition from acquaintance to friend is almost impossible.
At least that's my experience. Some women don't seem to have the headspace for a new friendship.

For context, I am married, no kids. Husband is retired.
We live in a small town.

[Anonymous]

49, married, no kids. I find friends at work (when they retire) and through a hobby. Weeded through lots of acquaintances to get here. Consider younger DINKS and retirees as sources of friends.

[Anonymous]

At 50, I agree it is harder to find friendships. I am also happier now just holding everyone at arm's length. I find that once I go deeper with someone, I end up not enjoying their company (they brag too much, talk too much above themselves are two things that irritate me). So I find I am better off just keeping it light and superficial in meeting new people these days. Friend-quantainships is what I call them.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP.

I have a small circle of acquaintances here, they're a bit closer than just surface level acquaintances, but not close enough to call 'friends'.

The ladies within this small group are all older than me, some are early 60s, one is late 60s, the youngest is 60.

All of them work, except one who is retired. Most of them have hobbies and do stuff in their spare time, but their hobbies do not match mine.
They are members of the community choir, a community theatre group (amateur dramatics), classical music, opera, one likes knitting, etc.

I'm into cycling, hiking, art history, art galleries and museums, modern architecture, photography, music festivals, traveling, to name but a few. I go to nearby big towns and cities to visit museums and art and photography exhibitions.

I once asked these ladies if they wanted to go bowling but they weren't interested.

It's harder in a small town, given that there's a smaller pool of potential friends.

[Anonymous]

Wondering about starting a 45-65 friends/walking group - what would be the best way for this age group? Meetup (there are a few on there, but nothing very active, so I was hoping for different suggestions)? Also, don't much like the idea of arranging groups, but would love to join an existing one. (We are not active in our church).

[Anonymous]

Met a lot of people via a hobby - which created a smaller group, but good group of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 50, I agree it is harder to find friendships. I am also happier now just holding everyone at arm's length. I find that once I go deeper with someone, I end up not enjoying their company (they brag too much, talk too much above themselves are two things that irritate me). So I find I am better off just keeping it light and superficial in meeting new people these days. Friend-quantainships is what I call them.

Same age. I too keep people at arm's length. I adore my friends and enjoy them, but I do not have the level of closeness I had in my 20s nor do I crave it. my husband is my best friend. One of my kids has SN and I do not have the bandwidth anymore to be best friend material for anyone. I cannot handle daily or even weekly texting. I may only be able to get together once every few months. I am willing to be your emergency contact for the school, but no longer willing to be the person you call for a 3am emergency. I hate when people ask me favors and I have to decline and they they are annoyed. I also found I could be a magnet for takers so I am careful.

How do I make friends? Neighborhood for chatting when we run into eachother. Volunteering at kids' school, but before I had kids I had other volunteer work I did. Work. Exercise class. Weightwatchers-when we had in-person meetings. I made a friend a long time ago at a support group for people with the same health issue.

[Anonymous]

I've made one new friend in the past decade. One.
I'm not outgoing, so it's difficult for me to reach out to people. I met my friend through our church. She and I were on a committee together, and she asked if I'd like to meet for coffee.
It was easy to meet people when I was younger and working with a lot of people my age. I made lots of friends then. I didn't make many friends when my kids were in school, though. I never clicked with the moms at my kids' private school. I thought they were climbers and nouveaux riches. But the school was very good. My kids made friends there, but they didn't keep their friends after private school.
My best friends are from childhood and from college, plus a few I've made while working.
I don't feel like I need a lot of friends, though. As long as I have a handful, maybe five or six, I'm fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met a lot of people via a hobby - which created a smaller group, but good group of friends.

If only I had a hobby, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 50, I agree it is harder to find friendships. I am also happier now just holding everyone at arm's length. I find that once I go deeper with someone, I end up not enjoying their company (they brag too much, talk too much above themselves are two things that irritate me). So I find I am better off just keeping it light and superficial in meeting new people these days. Friend-quantainships is what I call them.

Same age. I too keep people at arm's length. I adore my friends and enjoy them, but I do not have the level of closeness I had in my 20s nor do I crave it. my husband is my best friend. One of my kids has SN and I do not have the bandwidth anymore to be best friend material for anyone. I cannot handle daily or even weekly texting. I may only be able to get together once every few months. I am willing to be your emergency contact for the school, but no longer willing to be the person you call for a 3am emergency. I hate when people ask me favors and I have to decline and they they are annoyed. I also found I could be a magnet for takers so I am careful.

How do I make friends? Neighborhood for chatting when we run into eachother. Volunteering at kids' school, but before I had kids I had other volunteer work I did. Work. Exercise class. Weightwatchers-when we had in-person meetings. I made a friend a long time ago at a support group for people with the same health issue.

DP here. Same (work, gym, volunteering). I am also a magnet for takers, and found that the moms from elementary have fallen away, when they wanted to social engineer their DC, for their own purposes. No loss to me. I have plenty of long term friends from undergrad and grad school and before, but would love a few down to earth people to get wine or dinner or coffee with. I have seen a few DCUM posts on other subs asking the same (not me). Ideas?

[Anonymous]

We bought two new places when I was in my early 50's -- a single family home in smaller town in the mountain west and a condo in Florida. It is shockingly easier to make friends in FL because of the community activities and the close proximity of the units that all look out over a common pool. I thought we would be too "young" for FL but with the pandemic there are a lot of remote workers there. Moving into a community of some sort -- townhomes, someplace with a strong HOA, or a upscale condo building might help as you age, if friends and a social life are important to you.