Do I need to send anything with DD?

[Anonymous]

DD12 was just invited to trick or treat with a friend. The mom in question is always planning/driving/paying for outings and things, I suspect because she has an only child and wants to make facilitating friendships easy for her child and the other parents? We did invite the girl over to our house quite a bit this summer, but our calendars haven’t aligned much this school year. Just a couple weeks ago the mom took our DD to a haunted hayride, paid for it, drove, etc.

The mom has offered to pick up the kids and take them to a big trunk or treat. I feel like I need to send DD with something, but what? I thought donuts and cider, but DH said that’s weird when they are going to get more sugary candy. Do I need to do anything? If so, what would you suggest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD12 was just invited to trick or treat with a friend. The mom in question is always planning/driving/paying for outings and things, I suspect because she has an only child and wants to make facilitating friendships easy for her child and the other parents? We did invite the girl over to our house quite a bit this summer, but our calendars haven’t aligned much this school year. Just a couple weeks ago the mom took our DD to a haunted hayride, paid for it, drove, etc.

The mom has offered to pick up the kids and take them to a big trunk or treat. I feel like I need to send DD with something, but what? I thought donuts and cider, but DH said that’s weird when they are going to get more sugary candy. Do I need to do anything? If so, what would you suggest?

This sounds judgy. Honestly it doesn't matter if the child is an only or not. The parent invited your child. Tell them to behave and thank the parent for treating them. Next time include the "only" to an activity. And drop the superiority comples

[Anonymous]

She’s 12! Give her a $20 and tell her to use it if the mom is about to pay for anything for her and otherwise she should bring it home to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD12 was just invited to trick or treat with a friend. The mom in question is always planning/driving/paying for outings and things, I suspect because she has an only child and wants to make facilitating friendships easy for her child and the other parents? We did invite the girl over to our house quite a bit this summer, but our calendars haven’t aligned much this school year. Just a couple weeks ago the mom took our DD to a haunted hayride, paid for it, drove, etc.

The mom has offered to pick up the kids and take them to a big trunk or treat. I feel like I need to send DD with something, but what? I thought donuts and cider, but DH said that’s weird when they are going to get more sugary candy. Do I need to do anything? If so, what would you suggest?

This sounds judgy. Honestly it doesn't matter if the child is an only or not. The parent invited your child. Tell them to behave and thank the parent for treating them. Next time include the "only" to an activity. And drop the superiority comples

I’m not being judgmental! And I said in my post we reciprocate. The girl has had volleyball and hasn’t been able to come to any of our invites recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 12! Give her a $20 and tell her to use it if the mom is about to pay for anything for her and otherwise she should bring it home to you.

Of course! We always send her with money but the mom won’t let her use it.

[Anonymous]

Would this other Mom like your company?

[Anonymous]

It's kind of you to think of this, but don't send anything aside from the spending money already mentioned. Anything else will make things seems transactional, rather than friendly.

Cider and donuts would be great if they were hosting something at their house. But for this, nothing needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of you to think of this, but don't send anything aside from the spending money already mentioned. Anything else will make things seems transactional, rather than friendly.

Cider and donuts would be great if they were hosting something at their house. But for this, nothing needed.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of you to think of this, but don't send anything aside from the spending money already mentioned. Anything else will make things seems transactional, rather than friendly.

Cider and donuts would be great if they were hosting something at their house. But for this, nothing needed.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Take her child to a holiday event, like one of the places where you drive through a lights display.

[Anonymous]

Uh oh - I think this post might be about me. I have an only child (I know, can you believe I couldn't afford IVF more than once? I'm terrible).

I pick up and drive my daughters best friend and her all the time. My daughter also plays volleyball.

Just so you know, my daughter also pays for your kid's lunch daily because you never send it with her. Maybe focus a bit more on that - then a $20 that doesn't nearly cover the expenses I've laid out on yours.

What a jerk you are OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD12 was just invited to trick or treat with a friend. The mom in question is always planning/driving/paying for outings and things, I suspect because she has an only child and wants to make facilitating friendships easy for her child and the other parents? We did invite the girl over to our house quite a bit this summer, but our calendars haven’t aligned much this school year. Just a couple weeks ago the mom took our DD to a haunted hayride, paid for it, drove, etc.

The mom has offered to pick up the kids and take them to a big trunk or treat. I feel like I need to send DD with something, but what? I thought donuts and cider, but DH said that’s weird when they are going to get more sugary candy. Do I need to do anything? If so, what would you suggest?

This sounds judgy. Honestly it doesn't matter if the child is an only or not. The parent invited your child. Tell them to behave and thank the parent for treating them. Next time include the "only" to an activity. And drop the superiority comples

I’m not being judgmental! And I said in my post we reciprocate. The girl has had volleyball and hasn’t been able to come to any of our invites recently.

New PP here - you might be surprised to learn that people with only children don't like comments that begin or end with "because they have an only child."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh oh - I think this post might be about me. I have an only child (I know, can you believe I couldn't afford IVF more than once? I'm terrible).

I pick up and drive my daughters best friend and her all the time. My daughter also plays volleyball.

Just so you know, my daughter also pays for your kid's lunch daily because you never send it with her. Maybe focus a bit more on that - then a $20 that doesn't nearly cover the expenses I've laid out on yours.

What a jerk you are OP

I always pay when we have kids with us and their parents pay when ours is with them. I always send money or offer to pay back and it's declined. Same on their end. OP is not a jerk. Some people like doing it, others don't. If you cannot afford it or don't want to spend the money on other kids, then don't. Tell your kid to stop paying for everyone and everything.

[Anonymous]

I just ask if I should send anything, most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh oh - I think this post might be about me. I have an only child (I know, can you believe I couldn't afford IVF more than once? I'm terrible).

I pick up and drive my daughters best friend and her all the time. My daughter also plays volleyball.

Just so you know, my daughter also pays for your kid's lunch daily because you never send it with her. Maybe focus a bit more on that - then a $20 that doesn't nearly cover the expenses I've laid out on yours.

What a jerk you are OP

I always pay when we have kids with us and their parents pay when ours is with them. I always send money or offer to pay back and it's declined. Same on their end. OP is not a jerk. Some people like doing it, others don't. If you cannot afford it or don't want to spend the money on other kids, then don't. Tell your kid to stop paying for everyone and everything.

I think you need to read my post again. I do ALL of the activities and always pay. I am probably a little more angry about this because of OP's insensitive assumption that parents of only children are trying to hard.

My kid doesn't pay for "everyone and everything" - but does pay for her friends lunch because (like OP) it seems the parent is disorganized and can't seem to remember things like "food" and "school"

Maybe don't have 5 kids if you can't manage it.