It’s just too much!

[Anonymous]

My mom died 6 months ago and I’m dealing with her estate.

My Mom was taking care of my disabled sister so I’ve now taken that sister in and am working on getting her Medicaid so she can transition to a nursing home.

This week we had a plumbing situation and are being told we need to do an 10K repair so we can have running water that doesn’t flood the basement. Also This week my car broke down and it needs a 2K repair. These repairs will almost completely wipe out our emergency savings.

I’m so sad and overwhelmed. I have a tween and a teen that are good kids but take a lot of emotional energy. I’m not suicidal but things do feel pretty hopeless. I have no one to talk to except my spouse and I don’t want to add to his stress by complaining. Just wanted somewhere to vent I guess.

[Anonymous]

Yup, it’s hard. I’m sorry for your loss and what you are going through. I hope things get better soon.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. You will get through this. You are a good person and it’s people like you who make the world go round.

[Anonymous]

I think these issues are significant enough that you should discuss it with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Could the plumbing situation be covered by your homeowner’s insurance?

[Anonymous]

OP isn't it crazy how sometimes so many things happen at once or in close succession? The years my dad was dying a long slow painful death were agonizing and I thought after he passed I would be relieved he was no longer suffering and have a period of time that was emergency free. Nope...in succession it was one thing after another and I could never catch my proverbial breath. I kept thinking "how have I not had a nervous breakdown yet?" I kept reminding myself of Churchill..."If you are going through hell, keep going" because the whole "this too shall pass" wasn't happening.

I will tell you when I get the occasional lull I savor it. I know more is coming, but I also know life can be so brutal sometime I need to savor any breaks I get.

I hope you get some of those breaks soon. I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

Will your mother’s estate provide you with any kind of financial relief? You are a good daughter and sister but you really need to share your concerns with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Talk with your DH. Even if you feel better leading in with a, 'hey I know we're going through a lot and I'm not trying ro stress you any more than that but I really need to talk through some things.'
Maybe he would find it helpful too.

We are also in the middle of a wave of bad right now. Remember to keep up with the basics as best you can .
. sleep, food, sunlight, movement (walks are good). Make a list of the things to do and decide what things you can chip away at. Have 10 minutes to make a couple phone calls? Or research the next step for your sister?

Hugs to you, OP. I'm sorry you're in this.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP.

This too shall pass. Know that things will get better these things tend to happen all at the same time but then it always calms down. You will be ok. Trust that.

*HUGS*

[Anonymous]

I understand and sympathize. In December 2018, my MIL passed. My wife was working on her estate (she and her one brother were co-executors). In July 2019, my father passed. Fortunately we didn't have to deal with his estate as my mother is still alive and she inherited everything. But, I did handle my father's funeral, and a lot of the post-death issues, like helping my mother file what needed to be filed to ensure she continued to receive SS benefits and so on. August 2019, my BIL (wife's oldest brother) came to visit us with the intent to try and move to our area to be near our kids. He suffered health issues in September while living in our home. He was in an out of the hospital and rehab from September through December 2019 and he passed on Christmas Day. And we both worked so hard on all of his health issues for the entire period. And then all the work that my wife and her brother had done on their mother's estate had to be revisited because one of the beneficiaries had passed.

So, I definitely understand. I know how overwhelming it feels. We created a list of things that needed to be done and we sorted by priority and we just did whatever we could to keep our heads above water. You definitely need to keep your husband in the loop on this. Even though he's stressed as well, you need to tackle this as a team. Even if he doesn't nothing but provide emotional support, you are stronger as a team than you are as individuals. People have so much more capacity to help when they are doing it for their loved ones. Also, we found that there were times that it was better to swap and I took care of details for her and she took care of details for me. But we made decisions as a team about what we had to do and who was going to do what. It was much better as a team.