HS academics and friend groups
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Anonymous
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How did your child's friend groups change in high school and how much did academics play a role? Most of DD's friends from elementary who were still her friends in MS are very smart and are already taking AP classes. DD struggles more in school and is in the lower math track for example and I think she probably won't take a lot of APs and if she does they will be the easier ones. She is already finding that the other friends are doing math problem sets together and she feels left out. A couple of the girls are also getting really into a more challenging activity that DD wouldn't feel comfortable being a part of. Think something like science bowl or debate. I worry this gap will only increase in the next few years as the friends don't share other activities like dance or a sports team.
How much did your child's friends diverge in HS and if your DD was in this situation did she manage to keep her old friends or did they move on and leave her behind? |
Anonymous
| Friendships change as kids get older and the proximity of shared classes and activities are important to maintaining friendships. It seems likely that your daughter will grow away from her current friends and find new ones. |
Anonymous
| I don’t have a daughter so maybe that’s the difference. My son is a senior in high school and has the same friends since elementary school. He also has a lot of friends form the sport he has been playing for the last 4 years absolutely none of this has to do with academics. He’s top 10% so far in class rank and I can tell you he hung out with absolutely nobody from his math or DE physics class this weekend. |
Anonymous
| You already know the answer. The same thing happens to smart kids in higher hs tracks whose elem/ms friends are in lower hs tracks. Can you afford tutoring to get your DD in higher math track? |
Anonymous
| Mine is the opposite - she’s the one in debate, advance classes etc. Most of her friends aren’t into any of that and aren’t top students, I think bc she tends to like bold fun types and the nerdier academic types are too serious for her. It’s been fine other than I worry about bad influences. Key is to expand friendship groups which happens in high school - middle schoolers are overly worried about staying in your cliques, high schoolers care less about that. |
Anonymous
| DS’ high school friend group naturally evolved to both friends who happen to share his same EC interest AND are all taking honors/AP classes. It’s hard to say the friend group was because of the academics but that I’m aware of, no one is taking zero H/AP courses. Some are a different mix, some are more than others but all are involved. |
Anonymous
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My kids friends in high school were involved in the same activities or classes. My daughter’s friends either played the same sport or had classes in common. My son met friends in the club he belonged to as well is a classes.
It’s not even a given that your daughter’s friends who are taking the same advanced classes will remain friends. I’d focus more on making sure she has interests and gets involved. That’s the most important factor in finding a good friend group. Does she play a sport? In the band? Like to volunteer? |
Anonymous
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My DS in 8th grade and I am worried about the same thing. He likes very smart nerdy boys whereas he is not as great a student as they are. He’s been able to keep up so far but for how long?
He is only allowed 2 H classes as a freshman. We agreed he would take honors bio but not honors math of his next level. Honestly I think it is what it is. If he wants to be with his friends and is willing to work for it - I’ll be happy to support him in higher level classes. But if he doesn’t care much - there’s little I can do. I am tired of pushing him as it is. |
Anonymous
Do you realize how fortunate you are that your kids WANTS to hang with the smart kids? |
Anonymous
Haha no, I didn’t think about it, I took it for granted. “At least he isn’t a troublemaker!” Thanks for pointing it out. |
Anonymous
Absolutely. My very smart freshman has a whole new friend group of slackers. I’m doing everything possible at this age to break that up. |
Anonymous
| Activities seems to have played the biggest part for my youngest. For my oldest, classes, particularly electives, were the driving forces. |
Anonymous
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My DS's main friend group is also centered around the kids he plays his sport with. It’s purely social and based on a shared interest. He doesn't do study groups yet - maybe that will change later(?), as he's only a sophomore now. He has no close friends from ES/MS but does have pleasant enough/superficial interactions with former (close) friends if they end up in the same class together or sitting near each other at football games, etc.
Based on your post, I’d expect and plan on friendships changing in high school. But if they do remain good friends, it will be a pleasant surprise. |
Anonymous
Not sure it is any consolation but despite being smart and liking smart kids who are mostly good students my son is still a slacker at his core. He just is able to slack off more efficiently than less smart kids so gets away with it more often. |
Anonymous
| My kid (advanced science and math track) absolutely prefers hanging out with kids NOT in those classes. He is not a nerd. Says that before class a lot of kids in those classes talk about obscure things and are a bunch of "Well, actually..." types. He holds his own, but, yeah, is much more relaxed with the sporty or creative kids - and not saying they aren't smart. They are. Just a little more laid back and fun. |