Can I put an end to DH constant complaining?

[Anonymous]

I’m looking for clever ideas or just advice in general. I’m at my wits end.

We live in an older house and have some minor “inconveniences” that we tolerate. Things like old doors/door frames that stick/don’t latch easily as the seasons/weather conditions change that we plan on replacing, creaky stairs we want to shore up, etc. After much thought, they have all were put on the back burner when DH had to switch jobs and took a temporary cut in pay, but with a timeline in place for repairs.

The weather has changed and the doors are acting up again. DH has once again become a petulant child, complaining to me about it nearly every time he opens or closes a door. It puts me on edge and makes me feel defensive. But the worst part is, in the next breath, he will complain about how much he wants new golf clubs, or X expensive thing.

I can’t handle it anymore and I need advice!

[Anonymous]

Sit down and have a budget meeting again. “It sounds like this is a top priority to you now even though we thought we could wait. Do you want to cut out the trip to see your parents over the holidays so we can afford it?”

Now the golf clubs… There was that money guy on Netflix that said you don’t have to say no to what’s important to you, you just need to make trade-offs. In the long run, it sounds like your husband needs to find a higher-paying job. I suspect he won’t change his expensive tastes.

[Anonymous]

Oh and maybe sympathize - yeah, it is annoying when the door sticks every time.

[Anonymous]

1. Accept
2. Acknowledge
3. Create beyond


1. This is an old house
2. We have creaky doors when the weather changes.
3. Let’s make a budget and an action plan to replace the old annoying things.

Done:
Once the plan is in place there’s no need to ever speak about it again because you’re moving towards a remedy.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. Aim for "extinction".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Accept
2. Acknowledge
3. Create beyond


1. This is an old house
2. We have creaky doors when the weather changes.
3. Let’s make a budget and an action plan to replace the old annoying things.

Done:
Once the plan is in place there’s no need to ever speak about it again because you’re moving towards a remedy.

As I said in the OP, we’ve done that. We have a plan in place. That’s why this is infuriating! We agreed on an action plan.

[Anonymous]

Can you downsize to something smaller that is either newer or easier to maintain to free up funds for his lifestyle wants?

[Anonymous]

“We have a plan for the creaky stuff. Stop complaining about it.” — have you said some version of this?

[Anonymous]

He’s not complaining about the doors. He’s complaining about the cut in pay. You say he “had to” change jobs - was it his choice? Or is he dealing with something like a layoff, and sees the doors as a constant reminder of it?

If this was really just about the doors, I’d be in the camp of just telling him to stop griping to me about it, and then ignoring / walking away whenever it comes up. But I suspect it’s more than that.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with "wanting" gold clubs.

Fix the doors. It's not expensive and not worth torturing yourselves all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for clever ideas or just advice in general. I’m at my wits end.

We live in an older house and have some minor “inconveniences” that we tolerate. Things like old doors/door frames that stick/don’t latch easily as the seasons/weather conditions change that we plan on replacing, creaky stairs we want to shore up, etc. After much thought, they have all were put on the back burner when DH had to switch jobs and took a temporary cut in pay, but with a timeline in place for repairs.

The weather has changed and the doors are acting up again. DH has once again become a petulant child, complaining to me about it nearly every time he opens or closes a door. It puts me on edge and makes me feel defensive. But the worst part is, in the next breath, he will complain about how much he wants new golf clubs, or X expensive thing.

I can’t handle it anymore and I need advice!

Preempt and complain before he has a chance. The next time you open the door or he opens the door, be the first to complain.

Fixing doors is something he should be taking care of anyway. A little bit of effort would reduce the door noise significantly. Ask him to Google it.

- A not too handy male

[Anonymous]

Constant complaining? lol welcome to the world of every husband ever.

[Anonymous]

DW does this all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Just do what I do with my toddler- respond "I'm sorry I can't understand you when you are whining so much. Please come back and talk to me when you are ready to use your big boy voice". Repeat forever until they stop.

[Anonymous]

"It puts me on edge and makes me feel defensive."

You work on this, not on fixing your husband. He may never change. You can change your reaction and response.