talking about Palestine/Israel

[Anonymous]

hi,
am curious how families are engaging with their children about the war/attacks/ongoing struggles with the Palestinians and the state of Israel. I have strong feelings about the continued living conditions Palestinians in the occupied areas and am disappointed by the ongoing support by the US government of Israel's defense and government policies that are harmful to Palestinians and non-Jewish citizens. Israel's policies have created apartheid with unequal access to resources like water or political rights for non-Jews. But might is right so they have the military power (backed by the US) to further policies (like illegal settlements) that disempower Palestinians.

However, I don't want to say any of this because I know it is difficult. our children attend a school with lots of Jewish students, many (but not all) of whom are wealthy and pro-Israel. It is difficult to discuss some of these topics without offending the identity of students or potentially harming the relationship of potential donors, many of whom might be strong supporters of Israel. How then do folks engage around these difficult issues carefully and share your family's values without ostracizing others in your family's circles/your children's circles?

I will say our family dealt with this similarly with the war in Ukraine. We are connected to a Russian family and I felt for how the war created a difficult situation for the clearly other-ized folks with Russian identities. But it wasn't as if I felt muted from discussing the issues in the same way.

Also I should just state plainly that I feel folks that criticize Israeli policies are too quickly and unfairly judged as anti-Semitic. I do know that some folks that criticize Israel are or might be anti-Jewish too. But the quick labeling or silencing of criticism I think has created a difficult space for dialogue.

I want to be an ally to folks including Jewish, Muslim, trans, Asian, POC, and other folks but wonder how folks carefully do that and offer critical views too. I've never found that nuanced conversation more difficult than with issues in Israel/Palestine.

[Anonymous]

So tell your kids all this, not us.

[Anonymous]

As with any topic, your family has a set of beliefs and values to teach your children, including that it is somtimes best to be in listening mode - as opposed to talking mode - when discussing such things in a public space. This would probably come into play in your kids' school setting. I don't see how this is different from anything else..

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how you’re going to hide your very strong opinions, so realistically you probably need to find a way to have a nuanced version of what you wrote above with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hi,
am curious how families are engaging with their children about the war/attacks/ongoing struggles with the Palestinians and the state of Israel. I have strong feelings about the continued living conditions Palestinians in the occupied areas and am disappointed by the ongoing support by the US government of Israel's defense and government policies that are harmful to Palestinians and non-Jewish citizens. Israel's policies have created apartheid with unequal access to resources like water or political rights for non-Jews. But might is right so they have the military power (backed by the US) to further policies (like illegal settlements) that disempower Palestinians.

However, I don't want to say any of this because I know it is difficult. our children attend a school with lots of Jewish students, many (but not all) of whom are wealthy and pro-Israel. It is difficult to discuss some of these topics without offending the identity of students or potentially harming the relationship of potential donors, many of whom might be strong supporters of Israel. How then do folks engage around these difficult issues carefully and share your family's values without ostracizing others in your family's circles/your children's circles?

I will say our family dealt with this similarly with the war in Ukraine. We are connected to a Russian family and I felt for how the war created a difficult situation for the clearly other-ized folks with Russian identities. But it wasn't as if I felt muted from discussing the issues in the same way.

Also I should just state plainly that I feel folks that criticize Israeli policies are too quickly and unfairly judged as anti-Semitic. I do know that some folks that criticize Israel are or might be anti-Jewish too. But the quick labeling or silencing of criticism I think has created a difficult space for dialogue.

I want to be an ally to folks including Jewish, Muslim, trans, Asian, POC, and other folks but wonder how folks carefully do that and offer critical views too. I've never found that nuanced conversation more difficult than with issues in Israel/Palestine.

How old are your kids? If you have unpopular opinions and don't want them shared at school, I wouldn't discuss them with your kids at all.

[Anonymous]

I don't really touch this with a 10-foot pole. I'm a gentile and I'm not inviting the invective that will invariably flow if I have an opinion, much less share it. If anyone persists, I just say I'd like for all the killing to stop. Like all of it.

This is one where I'd like to see them spend more time fixing the problem and less time fixing the blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As with any topic, your family has a set of beliefs and values to teach your children, including that it is somtimes best to be in listening mode - as opposed to talking mode - when discussing such things in a public space. This would probably come into play in your kids' school setting. I don't see how this is different from anything else..

exactly this - a dear friend of ours who just took his first job as rabbi of a congregation has found this approach (listening) to be incredibly powerful and has allowed him to be a resource for an entire congregation within which there is a huge diversity of opinions/experiences/personal connections to the conflict. my dd is in college and several of her closest friends have family in Isreal who are terrified, my dd also became close with multiple family members of a Gaza-based family over the summer and has been in regular contact with them. We are neither Jewish nor Palestinian, she was really struggling with how to support people in pain on both "sides" without feeling like she had to align herself with one. I gave her the advice of our Rabbi friend to really try and center other people's experience and just listen. I think she has found that somewhat useful.

[Anonymous]

We've been telling our kid since the war started in Ukraine that the people who live in a country are not their government. This is another good example of that.

[Anonymous]

We tell our kids to think whatever they like but to never express any opinion on the issue in public.

[Anonymous]

OP isn't interested in listening. From the comfort of her home in the U.S., she has strong black and white views to a complex situation in the Middle East. From her perch of all-knowing moral superiority, she just wants to figure out how to deal with the "wealthy" Jews "without harming the relationship of potential donors."

I see you more than you see yourself, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We tell our kids to think whatever they like but to never express any opinion on the issue in public.

+1000

[Anonymous]

You don’t sound like an ally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hi,
am curious how families are engaging with their children about the war/attacks/ongoing struggles with the Palestinians and the state of Israel. I have strong feelings about the continued living conditions Palestinians in the occupied areas and am disappointed by the ongoing support by the US government of Israel's defense and government policies that are harmful to Palestinians and non-Jewish citizens. Israel's policies have created apartheid with unequal access to resources like water or political rights for non-Jews. But might is right so they have the military power (backed by the US) to further policies (like illegal settlements) that disempower Palestinians.

However, I don't want to say any of this because I know it is difficult. our children attend a school with lots of Jewish students, many (but not all) of whom are wealthy and pro-Israel. It is difficult to discuss some of these topics without offending the identity of students or potentially harming the relationship of potential donors, many of whom might be strong supporters of Israel. How then do folks engage around these difficult issues carefully and share your family's values without ostracizing others in your family's circles/your children's circles?

I will say our family dealt with this similarly with the war in Ukraine. We are connected to a Russian family and I felt for how the war created a difficult situation for the clearly other-ized folks with Russian identities. But it wasn't as if I felt muted from discussing the issues in the same way.

Also I should just state plainly that I feel folks that criticize Israeli policies are too quickly and unfairly judged as anti-Semitic. I do know that some folks that criticize Israel are or might be anti-Jewish too. But the quick labeling or silencing of criticism I think has created a difficult space for dialogue.

I want to be an ally to folks including Jewish, Muslim, trans, Asian, POC, and other folks but wonder how folks carefully do that and offer critical views too. I've never found that nuanced conversation more difficult than with issues in Israel/Palestine.

How old are your kids? If you have unpopular opinions and don't want them shared at school, I wouldn't discuss them with your kids at all.

OP’s opinions are more popular than you realize. People are just terrified to say them out loud for fear of being labeled anti-Semitic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hi,
am curious how families are engaging with their children about the war/attacks/ongoing struggles with the Palestinians and the state of Israel. I have strong feelings about the continued living conditions Palestinians in the occupied areas and am disappointed by the ongoing support by the US government of Israel's defense and government policies that are harmful to Palestinians and non-Jewish citizens. Israel's policies have created apartheid with unequal access to resources like water or political rights for non-Jews. But might is right so they have the military power (backed by the US) to further policies (like illegal settlements) that disempower Palestinians.

However, I don't want to say any of this because I know it is difficult. our children attend a school with lots of Jewish students, many (but not all) of whom are wealthy and pro-Israel. It is difficult to discuss some of these topics without offending the identity of students or potentially harming the relationship of potential donors, many of whom might be strong supporters of Israel. How then do folks engage around these difficult issues carefully and share your family's values without ostracizing others in your family's circles/your children's circles?

I will say our family dealt with this similarly with the war in Ukraine. We are connected to a Russian family and I felt for how the war created a difficult situation for the clearly other-ized folks with Russian identities. But it wasn't as if I felt muted from discussing the issues in the same way.

Also I should just state plainly that I feel folks that criticize Israeli policies are too quickly and unfairly judged as anti-Semitic. I do know that some folks that criticize Israel are or might be anti-Jewish too. But the quick labeling or silencing of criticism I think has created a difficult space for dialogue.

I want to be an ally to folks including Jewish, Muslim, trans, Asian, POC, and other folks but wonder how folks carefully do that and offer critical views too. I've never found that nuanced conversation more difficult than with issues in Israel/Palestine.

How old are your kids? If you have unpopular opinions and don't want them shared at school, I wouldn't discuss them with your kids at all.

OP’s opinions are more popular than you realize. People are just terrified to say them out loud for fear of being labeled anti-Semitic.

True, just as there are plenty of people who don't want to show that they're racist. I don't feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

OP, we tell our kids that Palestinians deserve the same rights as Israelis. It’s as simple as that. Both sides deserve to live in peace and prosperity. Right now, Gaza is under a military blockade. They are at the mercy of the Israeli military (which has been the case for decades). Peace will only come when people in Gaza can enjoy the same freedoms as Israelis.