Worried about his future - PDA, ASD, ADHD

[Anonymous]

My sweet preschooler has been diagnosed with ASD Level 1 and ADHD. I know there’s debate around PDA, but he fits this profile perfectly. As his parent, I’m willing to completely change my parenting and communication style to help him but the world/everyone else won’t. Any advice? How is it going with your teens and college students with PDA?

[Anonymous]

My advice is don’t borrow trouble. Asking how it’s going invites the occasional great story and the tragic failures of everything parents have tried. Focus on what you can do and ask questions when you have specific concerns about which you would like advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice is don’t borrow trouble. Asking how it’s going invites the occasional great story and the tragic failures of everything parents have tried. Focus on what you can do and ask questions when you have specific concerns about which you would like advice.

+1

OP if you want to learn about parenting and communication, take the Parent Child Journey class. Personally I'd wait till my child was age 3 before taking the class.

[Anonymous]

Op - there’s so much crossover with all those. I am always a little circumspect when someone gets given so many labels. Tell us his specific challenges and we can be more helpful

[Anonymous]

What is PDA?

I have a child with autism and I’ve never heard this term before.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard, op, but you will figure it out as you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is PDA?

I have a child with autism and I’ve never heard this term before.

PDA is a type of behavior (pathological demand avoidance) that has become conflated with autism due to the deep opacity around the definition of autism in the dsm 5 and lack of other, better diagnoses.

It’s a very real behavior but whether it is a diagnosis in and of itself is controversial, in part because a number of those who buy into it as a standalone classification believe that such extreme measures as removing allll demands (school/ hygiene/ nutrition as applicable) that stress the individual to be the only coa.

[Anonymous]

Every parent on this board and every parent in the world is worried about their child’s future. We can’t reassure you. You can’t think this way and parent effectively. Anecdotes aren’t data. I know kids with these diagnoses who are very smart but so rigid they can’t go to school etc. I know others who are doing wonderfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - there’s so much crossover with all those. I am always a little circumspect when someone gets given so many labels. Tell us his specific challenges and we can be more helpful

OP here. At school and therapy, we see the PDA any time a demand is placed on him like fine motor skills. He’ll try to elope, becomes hyper and moves around the furniture, flicks light switches etc. It limits his progress in school and OT. He has no issue participating the rest of the day whether it’s circle time, story time, or snack. At home, we see it with any demand like potty time, brushing teeth, or taking a bath.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I’ve only just started reading about PDA and a lot of the advice is about reframing demands to see more like a choice or a collaborative task. I’m more than happy to do this, and he has wonderful teachers and therapists who will do this too. I just worry for his future. His colleagues and boss aren’t going to keep rephrasing demands until he’s no longer triggered. I think everyone is becoming more understanding about what it means to be on the spectrum, but I’m concerned for his future relationships both personally and professionally. I appreciate what the PP is saying about my anxiety not changing the outcome, but I want to make sure I’m getting him the right help while he’s young so he develops good coping skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I’ve only just started reading about PDA and a lot of the advice is about reframing demands to see more like a choice or a collaborative task. I’m more than happy to do this, and he has wonderful teachers and therapists who will do this too. I just worry for his future. His colleagues and boss aren’t going to keep rephrasing demands until he’s no longer triggered. I think everyone is becoming more understanding about what it means to be on the spectrum, but I’m concerned for his future relationships both personally and professionally. I appreciate what the PP is saying about my anxiety not changing the outcome, but I want to make sure I’m getting him the right help while he’s young so he develops good coping skills.

Op, we’d all like reassurance that our kids will be employable. You’re not going to get it at 6. Meet him where he is. Let go of this need to control the outcome. It doesn’t work that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I’ve only just started reading about PDA and a lot of the advice is about reframing demands to see more like a choice or a collaborative task. I’m more than happy to do this, and he has wonderful teachers and therapists who will do this too. I just worry for his future. His colleagues and boss aren’t going to keep rephrasing demands until he’s no longer triggered. I think everyone is becoming more understanding about what it means to be on the spectrum, but I’m concerned for his future relationships both personally and professionally. I appreciate what the PP is saying about my anxiety not changing the outcome, but I want to make sure I’m getting him the right help while he’s young so he develops good coping skills.

[Anonymous]

OP this is 08:21 again. We're all concerned for our children's future relationships both personally and professionally, and most of us fully support early intervention to develop good coping skills. But you have a long road ahead of you and PDA research can lead you down a rabbit hole.

You need skills and frameworks. Repeating my suggestion that you take Parent Child Journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I’ve only just started reading about PDA and a lot of the advice is about reframing demands to see more like a choice or a collaborative task. I’m more than happy to do this, and he has wonderful teachers and therapists who will do this too. I just worry for his future. His colleagues and boss aren’t going to keep rephrasing demands until he’s no longer triggered. I think everyone is becoming more understanding about what it means to be on the spectrum, but I’m concerned for his future relationships both personally and professionally. I appreciate what the PP is saying about my anxiety not changing the outcome, but I want to make sure I’m getting him the right help while he’s young so he develops good coping skills.

Is it the case that he will need this support (reframing all requests as choices) forever? Your kid will still mature and change as he grows, so I am not sure that meeting his needs now means you will have to do the same things for his whole life. Arguably, meeting his needs now and then supporting him while challenging him to accept demands in small doses over time is how he will be successful, right? So reframing things is a “for now” thing to help him feel safe and secure enough to handle requests in the future.

Don’t discount maturity. Even for complex SN kids it can really help (until teenage hormones!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sweet preschooler has been diagnosed with ASD Level 1 and ADHD. I know there’s debate around PDA, but he fits this profile perfectly. As his parent, I’m willing to completely change my parenting and communication style to help him but the world/everyone else won’t. Any advice? How is it going with your teens and college students with PDA?

I'm surprised a preschooler was DX with ADHD...I thought you had to wait until school aged to get a real DX of ADHD...?