I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old has been deleting almost all of his texts. He says this is because he likes his phone to be "neat and tidy", and because he is a "minimalist".

I am concerned he is hiding something, although he's definitely also deleting texts that are harmless. For example, I checked his sibling's phone and there are lots of mundane texts between them. Conversations with me are also missing.

Is there a way to prevent him from deleting texts, or for me to be able to see his texts? He has an iPhone.

Is this something that other people's kids do? He's a weird kid, so it might just be that.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend that used to delete all of her texts every Sunday night as a reset. Seemed strange to me, but she swore it worked for her. Not sure how truly deleted things are in the day of iMessage, though.

[Anonymous]

He has to be careful, because once deleted, I don't think there's an easy way to get them back. I never delete anything in case I need it later.

He might be a little spectrumy, your kid, but I don't think he's hiding nefarious things... (don't mean that as an insult, I have a kid on the spectrum).

[Anonymous]

I delete a lot of texts. If I didn't I would have like 100 threads seriously. I am with your kid. I do not dig scrolling through a zillion threads - it's a personal thing as DH complains I do it but truly, I don't like that many messages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old has been deleting almost all of his texts. He says this is because he likes his phone to be "neat and tidy", and because he is a "minimalist".

I am concerned he is hiding something, although he's definitely also deleting texts that are harmless. For example, I checked his sibling's phone and there are lots of mundane texts between them. Conversations with me are also missing.

Is there a way to prevent him from deleting texts, or for me to be able to see his texts? He has an iPhone.

Is this something that other people's kids do? He's a weird kid, so it might just be that.

You are too controlling. Do you ever think that you are the weird one?

[Anonymous]

Does this fit w/ the rest of his personality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old has been deleting almost all of his texts. He says this is because he likes his phone to be "neat and tidy", and because he is a "minimalist".

I am concerned he is hiding something, although he's definitely also deleting texts that are harmless. For example, I checked his sibling's phone and there are lots of mundane texts between them. Conversations with me are also missing.

Is there a way to prevent him from deleting texts, or for me to be able to see his texts? He has an iPhone.

Is this something that other people's kids do? He's a weird kid, so it might just be that.

You are too controlling. Do you ever think that you are the weird one?

Oh, I totally acknowledge that his weirdness comes from me. I am weird too.

I had reason to check his phone. I was concerned before I checked it.

[Anonymous]

Suspicious to me op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old has been deleting almost all of his texts. He says this is because he likes his phone to be "neat and tidy", and because he is a "minimalist".

I am concerned he is hiding something, although he's definitely also deleting texts that are harmless. For example, I checked his sibling's phone and there are lots of mundane texts between them. Conversations with me are also missing.

Is there a way to prevent him from deleting texts, or for me to be able to see his texts? He has an iPhone.

Is this something that other people's kids do? He's a weird kid, so it might just be that.

You are too controlling. Do you ever think that you are the weird one?

Oh, I totally acknowledge that his weirdness comes from me. I am weird too.

I had reason to check his phone. I was concerned before I checked it.

What do you think he is doing? Don't you believe in him having any privacy? You said the brother's texts were innocent.

[Anonymous]

If you had reason to check his phone & you were concerned…then yes, there is still reason to be concerned.
I don’t know how worried you are, but you can set up an iPad to receive the texts, & then you can review. I did this when my DC was having serious issues.

[Anonymous]

On iPhone there is a recently deleted folder in message app. Did you check there as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had reason to check his phone & you were concerned…then yes, there is still reason to be concerned.
I don’t know how worried you are, but you can set up an iPad to receive the texts, & then you can review. I did this when my DC was having serious issues.

I am concerned he is communicating with someone who has been abusive to him in the past.

It certainly wasn't reassuring, but it seems weird that if he was just trying to hide that communication, he would delete everything. So, I was asking if deleting everything was a thing.

I checked with his brother because I thought maybe he'd switched over to another app, but his brother has plenty of texts to and from him. So, I know he's using texting. I also checked with my mom. Again, plenty of texts, and he's not deleting "I love you Grandma" to hide it from me.

But my question is how do I get a copy of all his texts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old has been deleting almost all of his texts. He says this is because he likes his phone to be "neat and tidy", and because he is a "minimalist".

I am concerned he is hiding something, although he's definitely also deleting texts that are harmless. For example, I checked his sibling's phone and there are lots of mundane texts between them. Conversations with me are also missing.

Is there a way to prevent him from deleting texts, or for me to be able to see his texts? He has an iPhone.

Is this something that other people's kids do? He's a weird kid, so it might just be that.

You are too controlling. Do you ever think that you are the weird one?

Oh, I totally acknowledge that his weirdness comes from me. I am weird too.

I had reason to check his phone. I was concerned before I checked it.

Does he also delete his "recently deleted" texts? If yes - there is something more happening.

[Anonymous]

Do you have another apple device? Sign in and see the texts there.

[Anonymous]

Curious...what would you do IF you did find and read those deleted texts?
Would that shatter all trust between both of you; especially going forward? Remember, you've just started the realm of teen years and shattered trust is not good.

And what do you mean by "abuse" from someone? Like bullying? Inappropriate photos?