DC is taking after his father

[Anonymous]

DH is not a bad person, just not a nurturing one. He barks orders when he needs something and never cares if I am sick or upset. My former sweet child DC is a teen and is treating me just like my DH: raises his voice, walks 10 steps ahead, etc. So we were on a hike with friends when I tripped and hurt myself. DC and DH did not come to check on me and did not say a word; our friends did. DH was annoyed I was holding back the group. I am so upset: I did not want DC to replicate our behavior patterns, but alas, it seems inevitable. I just needed to vent.

[Anonymous]

Have conversations with your kid. You don't have to be negative about husband, just talk to kid calmly. It will sink in, like watering a plant.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. DH can be this way also. He’s not a bad person, just not nurturing, etc.
Interestingly, his dad is the complete opposite. I actually spoke to DH a few years ago about the president he was setting. I pointed out what a gentleman his dad was and that it was important to be a good role model.
He understood this more than he would me complaining that I needed some TLC from time yo time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry OP. DH can be this way also. He’s not a bad person, just not nurturing, etc.
Interestingly, his dad is the complete opposite. I actually spoke to DH a few years ago about the president he was setting. I pointed out what a gentleman his dad was and that it was important to be a good role model.
He understood this more than he would me complaining that I needed some TLC from time yo time.

Thanks PP. Unfortunately, DH does not have a good example. My own dad and brothers are warm and caring. I'd want DC to grow up like them, but he admires and emulates his dad, of course.

[Anonymous]

OP, what you describe is terrible and unacceptable. You may not realize how serious it is. You cannot change your husband, but it is your responsibility to influence your son.

Tell him that his father's behavior is not normal. Have him spend more time with caring, considerate men such as your brothers and father. Tell him that those are role models that he should emulate.

My husband is similar, and I am counting the months until I can divorce him.

[Anonymous]

The Apple never falls far from the tree. It’s really up to you to be a good influence but sadly, if he’s already a teen it may be too late. My son is an adult and he is very much like his father which is a good thing. When he was in HS I overheard my husband talking to him about girls and he said “you should treat girls the way you would want guys to treat your sisters.” That may have been the sum of the whole sex talk!

[Anonymous]

Not to be a pessimist, but cultivate your female friendships.

[Anonymous]

Definitely don’t throw in the face of your kid when you are mad that he is “just like his dad.” Blaming your kid for the crappy choice you made is terrible.

But talk to your kid about being empathetic and how your feelings were hurt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is not a bad person, just not a nurturing one. He barks orders when he needs something and never cares if I am sick or upset. My former sweet child DC is a teen and is treating me just like my DH: raises his voice, walks 10 steps ahead, etc. So we were on a hike with friends when I tripped and hurt myself. DC and DH did not come to check on me and did not say a word; our friends did. DH was annoyed I was holding back the group. I am so upset: I did not want DC to replicate our behavior patterns, but alas, it seems inevitable. I just needed to vent.

You don’t need to respond so this in your husband and you ABSOLUTELY should not be responding to “barked orders” from your teenage child. This is fully within your own control— stop it today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is not a bad person, just not a nurturing one. He barks orders when he needs something and never cares if I am sick or upset. My former sweet child DC is a teen and is treating me just like my DH: raises his voice, walks 10 steps ahead, etc. So we were on a hike with friends when I tripped and hurt myself. DC and DH did not come to check on me and did not say a word; our friends did. DH was annoyed I was holding back the group. I am so upset: I did not want DC to replicate our behavior patterns, but alas, it seems inevitable. I just needed to vent.

I'm sorry, OP, that must have been awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[/b]DH is not a bad person, [b]just not a nurturing one. He barks orders when he needs something and never cares if I am sick or upset. My former sweet child DC is a teen and is treating me just like my DH: raises his voice, walks 10 steps ahead, etc. So we were on a hike with friends when I tripped and hurt myself. DC and DH did not come to check on me and did not say a word; our friends did. DH was annoyed I was holding back the group. I am so upset: I did not want DC to replicate our behavior patterns, but alas, it seems inevitable. I just needed to vent.

Your post contradicts the bolded. He sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

“Why can’t a man act just like a woman?” 🙄

[Anonymous]

Talk to your son. Sometimes my daughter forges ahead when we’re going somewhere, and I call her over and remind her when you’re walking with someone, it’s nice to walk with them.

[Anonymous]

This is a perfect example of how staying w/a spouse who does not treat you well can have catastrophic results which sadly affect the children.

Your child is modeling the behavior of their Father & this will not bode well into the future.

You need to divorce this subpar husband who has no qualm about treating you like this in front of your friends.

And hopefully your child will not be exposed to treating their Mother (or anyone else for that matter!) with such little empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you describe is terrible and unacceptable. You may not realize how serious it is. You cannot change your husband, but it is your responsibility to influence your son.

Tell him that his father's behavior is not normal. Have him spend more time with caring, considerate men such as your brothers and father. Tell him that those are role models that he should emulate.

My husband is similar, and I am counting the months until I can divorce him.

+1

Your husband is self-centered and lack of empathy and now the teen son is copying that, or worse, misogyny or narcissism.

Can you spend more 1:1 time with son or get husband out of the house more if he’s being a jerk?

You can try to talk to the son about manners and respect. Not sure how that goes with that age group.

Just be there, consistent, stable, caring, have your own life too. Try to set boundaries but leave the door open