Working mom and no guilt - am I alone?

[Anonymous]

Last night I read yet another article about how normal it is for moms to feel guilty about working outside the home. I'm certainly not denying that fact. And I've also seem that sentiment expressed many times on this forum and can appreciate that other moms feels this way. But I don't feel guilty for working at all. Is this normal?

My job is okay (I don't love it, but I don't hate it also). I could afford to stay home (we'd have to cut back but it would be doable). I love my first DS dearly and enjoy our time together (and am now expecting numbers 2&3). My mom also worked and my sister and I turned out fine, so maybe this is why I don't feel guilty? Anyway, just wondering if I'm alone in feeling this way?

[Anonymous]

Funny you should post this...I am a working mom too with reverse guilt. In fact, i feel guiltly that I DONT WANT to stay home. Like, is something wrong with me, should i want to be home ??

[zumbamama]

There are days when I would rather be the one to take/pick up the kids from school, or take the little one out during the weekday...than be at my desk. But sometimes when my kids are acting up, I'd rather be at work! I grew up with a working mom, as did my mom. It's normal to me, as we don't have a choice to stay home. We all try to maintain a good balance between work, kids, community and ourselves. I'm pretty happy and fulfilled with a busy career mom life. I do feel guilty that I did not have more maternity leave, esp. with my preemie...but in comparison to what life is like where my family comes from (Philippines)...I am more thankful than guilty to have my life the way it is, bad days included.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel guilty for working. Never have. I do, however, miss my little girl and feel a little sad that I only spend about two waking hours with her on weekdays. I wouldn't qualify that negative feeling as "guilt". More sadness.

[Anonymous]

Two kids and no guilt here. I'm lucky I have a flexible job that pays well and lets me do all the doctor's appointments, after school stuff, etc., but I never wanted to stay home, even though I took over 6 months off with each child. Maybe because we had family take care of them when they were babies, and then they went to a great preschool. But it's also because I like making a financial contribution, I like the life it gives us (we don't live lavishly, but we pay private school tuition and have a good life, and SAVE), and also because I just couldn't place the entire financial burden of supporting us on my husband -- and he wouldn't go for that either. Plus, frankly, there's no way I went to school all those years to spend my days doing laundry and cleaning. But that's just me. Some couples I know are really happy with a much more traditional arrangement, so live and let live, I say.

[Anonymous]

No guilt or sadness. But I really really like my job and it's very flexible and pays well.
Sometimes I think these articles about guilty moms are just media propaganda.
The media also enjoy inciting the sahm/wohm debate, but frankly, among my wohm/sahm friends (i.e. in real life), none of us really seems to care about the child rearing choices each other has made.

[Anonymous]

I think some woman are built to be the "super mom" and really flurish in the SAHM role and some woman are not built for that. I used to be more judgemental as I am a SAHM who consults from home parttime but now I really think that making someone stay at home who doesn't want to be there is not good because she will wind up depressed and who needs that. I see all kinds of families and seriously everyone seems to be doing okay in however they create their family. What I would love to see less of is the judgements and mean stuff--I am the first to admit that I am not Martha Stewart and truly I wish I was but I am doing the best that I can and it really makes me upset when I see some of the mean comments from the SAHM who are "perfect" as well as from the working moms who accuse SAHM of having no brain and giving it all up for nothing.

[Anonymous]

I have a very rewarding career in healthcare and do not want to give it up. Working 3 days/week would be nice, but that option is not offered by my employer. I don't feel guilty. My career allows me to serve others and I feel I'm a better person for doing what I do, this in turn makes me a better mom. But, that's just me.

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad you posted this! I feel the same way, guilty for not feeling more guilty about working. Like others, I really like my job, get paid well, don't work late or on weekends and have both my DDs here at an on-site daycare center. I see them everyday at lunch and we have our time in the car together. In terms of being a working mom it's a pretty good gig.

I'm one of six - my mom stayed home (obviously) and I remember her always having to ask my dad for money - and remember her being really liberated when she started selling Avon and making her own money. All of this really registered on me and is part of the reason I like working - financial contribution and not having to beg my DH for money - I can't even imagine. Sadly my mom died when she was only 40 (I was 10) so that fact too makes me want to continue working. You never know what life has in store for you.

[Anonymous]

No guilt here. My salary pays our mortgage. And I like my job.

[Anonymous]

Nope, no guilt. I am a really good mom and I think having something outside of being a mom makes my children respect me more, keeps me sane, and has allowed them to develop strong relationships with other people (their caregiver) which builds independence and self-confidence. My kids' teachers and other parents rave about my children: "they are so mature, so kind, so well-adjusted, so confident, so well-behaved..." etc... I am very very close to my children but they are also very close with their dad (DH) and our current au pair. My DH also sometimes works from home although he is more likely to shut the door and not interact with them as much as I do when home. So, really, what is there to feel guilty about? In the past few years I have scaled back to working 3 days in office and 2 days at home which is great for seeing them and driving carpool when its our turn. I love my children and I think the way our family works is great.

[Anonymous]

To add the flip side of the coin...I am a SAHM and I do feel guilty sometimes that I'm wasting my (extensive and very expensive) education and not being the best example for my daughter. I think that's the guilt that is sometimes downplayed and underrepresented in the media...they focus on the guilt of women "neglecting" their children to work but never on women who neglect their sense of self to stay home. It's definitely a complex situation.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I have a wonderful well-adjusted child. I and my husband provide a wonderful home for him. Should that change (i.e. he need more of my time and resources), I might make a new decision.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. Another full-time working mom here with no guilt. I am in the camp that does not want to stay home and would go NUTS if I had to. I would hate it, and therefore, I think my DD would suffer, not benefit, if I was home all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny you should post this...I am a working mom too with reverse guilt. In fact, i feel guiltly that I DONT WANT to stay home. Like, is something wrong with me, should i want to be home ??

I have the same guilt. I want to work! I could stay at home, but I really do love my job. I went back part-time after I had my son, I do spend a lot of time with him. I don't feel guilty about working-I'm only gone 6.5 hours a day.