Husband or Handyman

[Anonymous]

DW has a long “honey do” list. I need to manage her expectations about what I can do and how long it takes in addition to working a full time job with travel and taking time out to take care of myself such as getting exercise.

DW works from home. She needs the internet working for that. At the same time she wants me to rewrite some electrical connections and to do that I need to turn off the electricity. This may interrupt the internet connection. I’m not sure what circuit the router is on. We just had a huge fight about it.

Over the weekend, I required lighting in another room and basically built her a whole new lighting fixture. That’s a long story. I didn’t even get a thank you.

I also moved two refrigerators and all she did was complain that it took me too long. I suggested if she’s not happy with my work she can pay someone. She can have a husband or a handyman but not necessarily both.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if you had a question or you’re just venting. If you can afford a handyperson then go ahead and do that.
I pay a cleaning person for this very reason.

[Anonymous]

Unclear why you don't just find a handyman and give your wife access to him.

[Anonymous]

Would a handyman fit in the budget? I'd just say "we can spend $250/month on a handyman, see who you can find and either save up to get it all done at once or prioritize the list in a way that works for you."

That said, I have a full-time job with travel and can move a refrigerator if it needs moving and I'm home to do it, so you might want to check in with whether your resentment about the existence of her list is making you dig your heels in unreasonably on simple tasks.

[Anonymous]

Find a handyman.

I'm a DW and my problem is DH wants to do it himself. If I wanted something I'm lucky it gets done 3 years after the promised date. In the meantime, all of my suggestions that we get a handyman is soundly rebuffed b/c he must do it himself.

[Anonymous]

You can do it at night or weekends OR she can use a hotspot.

[Anonymous]

Definitely find a handyman, you’ll both be happier.

[Anonymous]

If it's for her work, it's really her and her company's problem.
I say this as a woman who does a lot of improvement projects (yes, I've installed electrical panels and circuit breakers) around the house.

[Anonymous]

Just get a battery back up for the modem and her computer.

Or do 90% of it at your convenience and the disconnecting & connecting when you know if she doesn’t need to be any compute.

Or schedule a time and you can do it or she can go to a coffee shop or someplace else.
To work for a couple of hours

[Anonymous]

PP here

It sounds like you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. There are several simple workarounds to this that are pretty simple..
Why do you want to make this more difficult than it is?

[Anonymous]

Try this:

"Hey [DW's name], I truly understand the importance of the tasks you'd like done, especially with you working from home and needing a reliable internet connection. Can we sit down together and prioritize the list? I want to make sure we're on the same page about the time and effort some tasks require, given my work schedule and personal needs. I'd appreciate if we could communicate our expectations and find a middle ground. It's important for me to know that my efforts are acknowledged, and I'd love for us to support each other in this."

[Anonymous]

Why in the world did you need to move 2 fridges? Between floors or just pull out and push in somewhere else?

[Anonymous]

Oh OP. How long have these "projects" been sitting undone? Did she ask you to move the fridges two months ago?

Because as we all know, Honey Do lists will grow as the time you take to do them expands.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd say I can spare X hours per week (change the amount when traveling) , give an estimate of hours for each thing, and ask her for the priority items. If it's going to take too long she can hire a handyman.

[Anonymous]

Its not easy to find affordable handymen who can do quality work on time.