Are your kids friends with one another?

[Anonymous]

I am the OP of the every vacation turns into a shit show thread. I have 3 kids who are so different from one another. My older two used to play together when they were younger but not anymore. My high school kid has his own friends. Middle school kid has his own life and wants nothing to do with the youngest. Youngest is happy to do anything and everything but older kids don’t want her bothering them.

I’m wondering if I did something wrong or this is typical with kids of different ages and sexes. Everyone does their own thing. They are all busy with school, sports and friends. We do eat meals together at home but I don’t feel like we spend high quality family time together. Then when we travel as just our nuclear family and have to spend all this time together non stop, everyone gets unhappy by the end of the trip.

How are the sibling dynamics of your kids? Are they friends?

[Anonymous]

I have two daughters, 2.5 years apart. They have their own friends and interests, but they are somewhat close. They go into each other’s bedrooms and talk and goof around. They sit together at restaurants and talk and show each other things on their phones. They have sleepovers during Christmas. They are definitely a “pair” in our family. But…they also argue!

I think what you described is normal. Especially for siblings of different genders and with an age gap. I find the older sibling sets the tone.

[Anonymous]

My kids are the same age gap as yours. My older two play the same sport so they still play and bond over that. They are very close and the younger one often hangs with his brothers friends too as he’s as athletic as most of them despite the age gap and hangouts revolve arnd playing something. My eldest is also just a very sweet boy and has never been embarrassed showing affection to his siblings even in public.

My boys do not have anything in common with their younger sister but they do still play together when they’re sent outside or have to come up with something to do. Middle child and youngest fight a lot but I would say they’re all friends. They clamor for alone time with us parents but often miss their siblings when they’re alone with us!

FWIW, our kids electronic use is very restrictive so they’ve had plenty of time to figure out how to get along or come up with stuff to do. No social media for them either and my high schooler just got a cellphone and often can’t even remember to bring it with him.

[Anonymous]

I have and boy and a girl 5 years apart (middle and elementary school). The older one is really friendly and loves little kids, and the younger one responds with love and admiration. They have their own friends and interests but play Lego and Roblox together often.

[Anonymous]

They are close, but we push that. We will assign two to make dinner together, assign two to clean up after dinner together, assign two to fold a basket of clean clothes, to strip and remake the beds, to clean out the fridge, etc. We also have them all doing homework in the same room. So it's natural for one to ask another to help them study, to ask the others to listen to them give a presentation they have to do at school, etc.

[Anonymous]

Ours are 20 and 16, both boys. They are very close even with the oldest away at college.

[Anonymous]

My brother and I didn’t become best friends until we were teenagers and our older two siblings were in college. My own kids are 5 and nearly 2 so very hard to say at this point

[Anonymous]

I have girls who are two years apart—very close. They have their own interests and friends but there is strong overlap and they get along wonderfully

[Anonymous]

13 and 15, one girl and one boy. They fight, but yes they are friends. They watch some shows together and have inside jokes when they walk the dog together. I feel lucky as I know this isn't anything you can make happen (I'm not close to my sibling)

[Anonymous]

My two are close - two boys, close in age, who both are pretty easy going in general and have always just gotten along and enjoyed each others company. They don’t have identical interests but enough in common to bond over, and they get along with each others friends. I think we mostly just got lucky. I know other close in age boys who do not get along at all (my brothers were like that).

I wasn’t close with all my siblings growing up (there’s a big age gap) and went through a phase in middle school where I really wanted nothing to do with my twin, but I’m close with all my siblings now. My brothers also get along and spend time together, though still are pretty different.

[Anonymous]

One boy, one girl now in HS and they are mostly friends. Sometimes they pick on each other but not really fighting.

When the were in ES, they argued all the time. Constantly picking on each other, non stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are close, but we push that. We will assign two to make dinner together, assign two to clean up after dinner together, assign two to fold a basket of clean clothes, to strip and remake the beds, to clean out the fridge, etc. We also have them all doing homework in the same room. So it's natural for one to ask another to help them study, to ask the others to listen to them give a presentation they have to do at school, etc.

When they grow up you won't have any say.

[Anonymous]

my girls are 2.5 years apart and despite my best efforts can't stand each other. breaks my heart every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are close, but we push that. We will assign two to make dinner together, assign two to clean up after dinner together, assign two to fold a basket of clean clothes, to strip and remake the beds, to clean out the fridge, etc. We also have them all doing homework in the same room. So it's natural for one to ask another to help them study, to ask the others to listen to them give a presentation they have to do at school, etc.

When they grow up you won't have any say.

NP. True - all the more reason to lay a foundation now!

Group chores/projects are great for this. With specific praise in the moment. You can help them fix this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are close, but we push that. We will assign two to make dinner together, assign two to clean up after dinner together, assign two to fold a basket of clean clothes, to strip and remake the beds, to clean out the fridge, etc. We also have them all doing homework in the same room. So it's natural for one to ask another to help them study, to ask the others to listen to them give a presentation they have to do at school, etc.

When they grow up you won't have any say.

Is that the only part you read? They’re creating opportunities for the kids to get used to working together. This is a foundation for staying close as they grow up.